Tis the season, so I’m told..

Never feels like it though, since there’s never any reason to pretend to be jolly while most other people actually are, though I’ll find someone to make a big deal about Christmas with sooner or later, or not – doesn’t really matter once you’ve missed enough Christmases, birthdays, new years and there’s no anniversaries to celebrate you stop giving a fuck about all that shit after a while.

The heart was going to be for Woman #7 but over the past few weeks she’s made a point of complaining and even went off at me once about the fact that all the carvings I’ve created for her have been finished with my own body fluids.

That’s never been a problem in the past but suddenly is and then today when I had to listen to both her and her kid telling me they don’t want my blood to stain the heart I am hand-carving I realized that Woman #7 doesn’t regard anything I give her as any more private or intimate than anything else: everything is shared with the child to the point they’re basically considered toys or household ornaments with said child helping herself to go through her mothers bedroom draws anytime she feels like it – so nothing is private.

Since the heart will have details carved into the surface and since the valleys of those crevices will be filled with my blood, Woman #7 doesn’t want it because her child says blood is yucky and I’m not altering my plans for the heart based on the whims of a nine year old who’s got nothing to do with the gift in the first place.

Anyway the romantic gifts can stop now because they’ve never been intended as gifts to the household yet that’s how they’re treated so there’s really no point in giving them.

Sunday, 1 December 2019

The Jamison valley has been on fire for days now and though the fire service app has shown it as only 7 hectares and ‘Under Control’, today the app updated it to 55 hectares and ‘Being Controlled’ though judging by all the choppers around today it’s not being controlled very well.

Oh look at that, 392 hectares now and approaching Cliff Drive.

Clearly the term ‘Being Controlled’ holds a pretty ambiguous meaning to the state fire service.

I couldn’t take photos because I didn’t get to go down to Echo Point to actually see it though I’m sure everyone else in town did.

I’ve gotta clean Wentworth Falls TAFE tomorrow morning I gotta go to bed.

Monday, 2nd December 2019

I didn’t sleep at all because I stayed up until around 1:00 AM on Saturday night and slept-in until nine yesterday, so my body clock is out of time again but it’s, yeah – whatever: I got two full nights sleep on the weekend so going to work for one morning shift is no big deal.

10:25 AM

I’m tired enough now to have a nap soon anyway, though the work itself was no major strain and after years cleaning Katoomba TAFE I finally got to clean the much larger Wentworth Falls campus – something I’ve only ever seen from the train going past for years now because I’ve never had a reason to visit.

I’d probably do well to sleep now and wake up up eight or nine – that’d be inconvenient in a sense, but would reset my inner timepiece to go to sleep earlier, which would stop me being unable to drift off when I do have a morning shift on.

We’ll do that..

Tuesday, 3rd December 2019

Sixteen hours I slept at least: falling asleep at about midday yesterday I woke at around 1:00 AM, got up for a piss then went back to bed again and woke up at 7:00 AM.

I’m just waiting for the next bus into town now.

Incidentally, the fire in the national park just south of town has grown from 492 ha to 693 hectares and its status is now listed as ‘Out of Control’, finally.

You’d think they would’ve changed is status to reflect their lack of control when it grew from 55 to almost 400 hectares but oh well; they’re dumping water on it – not much more than that they can do.

As for the rest of the state, there’s so many bushfires going on presently you’d be hard pressed to find a location that’s not currently on fire..

And here’s the closest fire to us..

.. almost up into town 🙂

Julie’s a volunteer with the fire service – hope she doesn’t get burnt to jerky out there.

10:31 AM

Wise Employment – my upgraded version of the local library: quieter than the library and with coffee, it’s still got the powerpoints and seats which are all I ever use the library for.

There’s one woman in here today who is awkwardly telling people who ring that the others are all in a meeting somewhere else today so they’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get reconnected, overturn suspensions and anything else requiring any action be taken by WISE itself.

Good luck with that: if I were due for payment tomorrow and there was nobody here to flip a cancellation I’d be pretty fucked-off, and I’m even-tempered compared to half the people signed-up as clients here.

11:15 AM

Old-Brian from the church just bumped into me and asked whether I’d been out to see the community gardens again yet.

“No. No I’ve been working” I tell him and he looks up at me like that’s no kind of reason, so I had to clarify that this supervisor has me going places in an hours notice at midday or texting at 10:00 PM asking me to be at a site by four the next morning.

“I haven’t had time to sleep Bro – never mind visiting those barren gardens”

Course he’s no stranger to sleep deprivation and tells me he’s managed to finally get to the point where he can get up to two hours sleep until around 6:30 AM when he is deliberately woken up.

“By that nasty old woman in the room next to yours?”


He’s told me before of this old woman, who apparently knocks loudly on the fibro wall between their rooms because she thinks he’s doing the same and though he insists he doesn’t go anywhere near the wall we’re talking about squabbles between neighbors who are so old, who knows what they’re actually doing or hearing or think they’re hearing or think they’re doing.

12:55 PM

Anyhow that’s about that for me in town for the day there’s nothing else to do go grab some frozen lasagna for dinner from Woolies and head home and finally continue with that fucking heart I keep trying to shape.

Every time I sit down to resume sanding it back either the supervisor wants me somewhere and I’ve got to immediately go to bed or I’ve gotta go over Woman #7s place to mow or snip or get insulted for hours on end before returning to finally sit down and start before the phone buzzes again and the whole thing repeats.

So far today, we’ve made it to almost 1:00 PM without a text for me to go get on a train somewhere so I’ll get my dinner and head home in a little while.

My drug dealer – ex-drug dealer now he’s told me he’s given up on that because he apparently had a heart attack and wound up dead for six minutes in an ambulance on the way to the hospital – he’s got himself a new girlfriend who’s a nurse at the hospital and she’s from a very upper class family, yet he doesn’t have to listen to the snickering and smirking and smart-arse fucking bullshit I’ve gotta put up with on the one or two days a week I actually do visit Woman #7 and with no kids, the drug-dealers well-off nurse girlfriend nags him to come over for dinner every night so they can spend time together – instead of inviting him over just to entertain a kid who’s as unpleasant as any child gets anytime she’s not getting everything exactly her own way because that’s the way she’s always had it.

As if anyone should be perpetuating that helicopter parent bullshit and you’re always telling me not to criticize you, while simultaneously doing nothing but picking at me about anything you can, and now your kid thinks she can be just as bad as her adult mother yet if I drop even the slightest insult back on her she falls to the ground blubbering like, well like a nine year old who’s only good at throwing the insults in the safety of her mother being right there to bolster and encourage that kind of bitchiness.

So I’m meant to just smile and put up with the mother insulting me plus the kid brainlessly parroting everything the mother says as if behaving like nasty bitches makes them people anyone would wanna even be around and coming from a well-to-do family isn’t any reason to always be acting like a primary school mole at age forty-five simply because that’s how the daughter acts simply because she’s parroting the little moles at school.

And to think you’re the one always on at me about being a kind person pft: the one place I want to be nice I’ve gotta listen to constant snarky bullshit from a middle aged woman acting like a nine year old and a nine year old who’s mother treats her like her middle aged bestie, until after a while I can’t bite my tongue regardless how much I try – like every time I get in the car now the kids, ‘Is it just like, meh or doth Jason like, totally stink Mommy?’ – every single time that’s how the visit starts off, regardless whether I smell good or bad or not at all and Mommy laughs like her child has just said the funniest thing any kid has ever said, even though it’s the same thing every, single, time and even though all she’s ever doing is copying whatever bitchy shit she hears other people say.

It’s fucking warped.

All the nasty abusive shit and being treated like an outsider still; with none of the things that hooked me to start with or made me wanna stay, still.

When your snarky, nasty, sarcastic, abusive and bitchiness is never countered by anything I actually want other than a plate of food for mowing the lawn, there’s no reason for me to even be there.

Just forget about it.

Go back to being another reader of the site as a surrogate to wasting both our time on shit that’s never going anywhere at all and merely thinking you’re better than me doesn’t make you deserving of me – especially if this is all you’ve got to offer.

I’m nobodies spare-time, part-time, casual or fair-weather anything and I’m sure as fuck done playing the part of an idiot just to make you feel better about yourself while you give the best if your time, energy and attention to every other cunt.

All afternoon on Sunday from the moment you started making such a fucking huge deal of yarping about me taking the piss out of the old man with his little local weather predictions in Blackheath, all I kept thinking was “Just shuddup dood and wait a few more hours; you won’t get another home cooked meal for a while; you never have to come back; just put up with it for today.”

Hardly the kind of reaction anyone would have to a place they feel at home or even comfortable being at and hardly the way any woman who loved any man in the slightest would have him feeling within half an hour of his arrival at her place.

For the best I don’t come back too, since I wouldn’t want to ‘bring dis-ease’ into your home by making fun of old weather enthusiasts you’ve never even met, right?

Couldn’t have been your screaming that caused the dis-ease – no no it was the joke I cracked about a stranger, THAT’S what ruined lunch..

My phone is almost charged anyway so I can fuck off outta here.

The ex drug dealer and I agree that since we’ve never lived through a full on fire, we both want the wind to change to a southerly so it pushes the fire up into town and we can experience the fire that comes with it.

7:17 PM

I had frozen lasagne for dinner and buying the more expensive McCain brand turned out to be a mistake: it was edible, but then again I was hungry and the cheap supermarket branded generic lasagne is much better.

I gotta start looking for a place to move to.

Next weeks $1,260 will be divided up: some to pay back the ex-woman $300 of the groceries and other friendly assistance she’s given me over the past year, the last $100 to the ex-drug-dealer, $100 for a large pouch of my preferred tobacco and $100-$200 for a new pair of Scarpas since I can afford to buy my favorite hiking boots now and the rest of the money will just sit in the bank and get used gradually on living.

But the next $1,000+ paycheck I get I want to spend as rent in advance to move into share accommodation or a granny flat in town somewhere: plan is to simply pay the rent and move in, then come back here in the day to pack things I want to take until I’ve got everything and then simply drop the keys off at the local Department of Housing office and tell them I’ve moved out.

Simple as that.

Their government-contracted cleaners will charge them some exorbitant fee to clean the place and I won’t get whatever bond I’ve paid, but I really don’t give a fuck: I simply want a place where there’s a backyard and people around me who also work, instead if this shitcunt complex of losers and junkies.

So as soon as I’ve got the money to move IN at another place that’s exactly what I am going to do and don’t give two-shits about the ‘right way’ of moving OUT of this human sewage pit.

All the people told me I should make sure I never lose this flat because it’s a lifetime lease: those are the sort of cunts who like the thought of me living in a place packed with societies vomit: the junkies, alcoholics, perverts, chronically unemployed and the mentally deranged nutcases of every shape, size and variation – people who would rather make up whole illnesses for their own laziness and accept living in government housing, than ever even attempt to work another day in their worthless lives.

People like my mother.

I’m nothing like those wastes of space and everyone who thought I was; you can shove a kitchen knife up yourself and bleed to death 🔪

I’ll be back in a private rental with decent human beings before new year’s if my paydays line-up right, and not long after if they don’t 🖕

Once I’ve found a private rental with a decent human being to live with I’ll instantly have hot showers, electricity, a washing machine and wifi again and can buy myself a cheap laptop in the $600-$700 range to make all the website design, coding and writing much easier and then start squirreling money away.

When I’ve got myself a healthy environment to live in I can finally begin looking for a the woman I’ll spend my remaining days with: one who’s interested in being a woman to me opposed to only being obsessed about being a mother and though a childless woman is the only way to guarantee that, there’s plenty of single mothers who manage to draw a line in the sand and claim enough for themself to be able to create and maintain a relationship with a man while still having perfectly healthy and much better adjusted kids, it would be fucking heaven too, just for once to be with a woman who makes our relationship their priority instead of my constantly having to live with playing second-best to a kid that came out some other cunts dick: the bad fruit of a rotten marriage that never should’ve been.

And don’t think that’s targeting anyone in particular – there’s millions of single mothers with the same embarrassing story, same rotten fruits of the same dumb decision to marry some arsehole they never should’ve married then compounded the error in judgement immeasurably by letting that idiot get them pregnant.

So common in today’s society it’s been normalized and that alone shows how sick, perverse and amoral people have become.

But whatever right: equality is all I’m after.

Her happiness is my primary concern and my happiness is hers – the only way any relationship worth having can ever last.

I put her first; she puts me first.

A model that cannot function when his primary concern is her happiness while her only concern is her kid – he may as well not be there at all if she’s oblivious.

Equality with a woman worth spitting on.

All I’m after.

Wednesday, 4th December 2019

No southerly change overnight 🙁

No southerly change happening for days by the look of it, means that fire will just keep slowly oozing its way towards Wentworth Falls and we won’t even get any apocalyptic smoke until it’s out, though the blackened landscape afterwards will be there quite a while so I’ll have plenty of time to get down to Cliff Drive for a photo of that.

Finally, the knifework begins..

I just had a thought to append to yesterday: or I start squirreling money before I move in somewhere else – that’d probably be more sensible.

I should wait until I’m permanent really but I’d really not in any hurry to do that – less money for more work – though if a local site became available I’d probably have to take it, given how seldom anyone seems to quit permanent jobs in Katoomba mm.

Let’s hope nobody quits soon but that people are regularly sick as shit.

10:55 AM

Oop, look at that, I’ve gotta do Warrimoo Public today and tomorrow: that’s 48 hours this fortnight or 24 hours a week – more work than I actually need.

Gotta get ready 😏

Piss easy walk..

You see why that heart is happening so slowly? Just sit down to get into it and BOOM.. gotta get up and go be somewhere.

The supervisor told me this morning he’d find me a permanent site soon stating the reason being ‘I see you are good’, but I told him I’m pretty happy being casual for now because the hourly rate makes getting up and leaving the house worth it.

At $120 for every clean without having to pay any tax whatsoever, it’s true too.

I should text to elaborate that I’ll eventually want to go permanent anyway and that if a permanent site became available in Katoomba that’d pretty much force me to stop being casual to grab it while it’s there, though I’m sure as shit not signing on the dotted line for a site that requires a one-hour train ride anyway.

1:29 PM

Some guy called Ray has just text from the supervisors mobile number asking whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts.

I didn’t think they did eight hour shifts at all: it’s always been 4 hour morning + 4 hour afternoon split-shifts, mm.

Told him it depends on location, distance, which site or sites they are and the hourly rate, since – like I said just a few paragraphs up – I’m in no hurry to abandon the $30/hour casual rate I’m on at the moment.

I’d certainly do eight hour shifts for more money, but not for less.

Such an easy job cleaning too..

Lot of sweating sometimes which is just good exercise you’re getting paid for the way I see it, but I mean as far as responsibility and stress goes there’s no taking work home with you, no 2:00 AM call-outs you’ve gotta go to, no paperwork: you just show up, autopilot your way through the work then go home again.

This afternoon’s cleaning of Warrimoo Primary will be a little more stress than other sites because it’s only a single-cleaner school and the single cleaner who is permanent isn’t going to be there doo I’ve gotta go to the main office to find out all the alarm codes, what needs to be locked-up, what time the last teachers should be gone and figure out what needs to be cleaned at what I can skip without any regular there to give me a ‘de-briefing’ of the mechanics of the site, but that’s fine – long at so I’ve got the alarm details sorted before the staff leave I’ll have four hours to get the actual cleaning done.

Course after you’ve cleaned for a while you learn a bunch of hacks and shortcuts to the cleaning itself that allows you to just not bother with the shit nobody will notice and prioritize things they do, and “Make it look cleaned” is the tagline really.

Bins, toilets & vacuuming are the three most important things, but bins and toilets are the only things that absolutely need to be done if you’re really pressed for time for some reason.

6:15 PM

Okay so while Warrimoo the town is little more than a dip in the map and there’s so many flies you will go fucking, *mental* waiting for a train, Warrimoo Primary is a gorgeous little school.

If I did have kids, that’s the kind’ve place I’d want them going to: the staff are nice, everybody’s relaxed and the principal stood near the front gates telling each and every student who walked past to have a good afternoon.

The principal was one of the first people to introduce himself to me if course and he seemed both very proud of his little school and very welcoming and within twenty minutes of arriving he’d written the alarm code down plus gone around and told ask the teachers they had to be gone by 5:30 PM today – to save me the hassle of having leftover teachers still sitting in their classrooms later, when I would be ready to lockup and arm the security system.

Yeah he was very nice and though the regular cleaner wasn’t there at all to give me a summary of the mechanics of the site, the general assistant gave me a complete walkthrough of the school and showed me every area, where all the cleaners cupboards are and even showed me where the tea and coffee was within the teachers staff-room – telling me I’m welcome to have either anytime I like.

We ended-up talking about how I wouldn’t mind upgrading to a GA’s position but openings are as rare as chicken lips since no fucker ever seems to leave those jobs and he was nodding aas I said that, then he dismissed my opining there’d only really be a quick security course you’d have to do since you’d have to kick people out every so often – he said there’s not even that much to do, that GAs only have to do basic site health and safety courses as they come up.

“So it *is* just basic handyman shit? I can do all that I’ve been unblocking drains and fixing shit around the house for women all my life”

‘That’s it brother – bit of mowing, bit of drilling holes in shit; no training at all needed for that’

I always figured that was the case of course because I’ve seen the GA at many sites and they’re always just fucking around with a drill or toolbox doing standard repairs and maintenance.

Just someone’s gotta literally die for a position to become vacant and they’re on a salary, so it’s a fixed income and I don’t know how much that actually is.

He also told me I’m welcome to help myself to the bottle of chilled water he kept in the fridge on the one condition that I remember to top it back up so it’s always full 🙂

After doing the bins and some vacuuming I stopped to talk to the principal again in passing and told him what I said in the first paragraph: that if I had kids, this is exactly the sort of school I’d like them to attend, mostly because it’s just so small it has this homely kind’ve feel to it and he’s said they’ve got only 160 students all up, which I have no reference for but it sounds like a very small amount.


8:33 PM

Okay now I’m home I’ve gotta stop writing and eat dinner then go to bed.

Here’s what our Ruined Castle fire looks like from Warrimoo, before I go..

Thursday, 5th December 2019

4:16 AM

Alright so though I got very little sleep I did remember the snap of a dream when I woke up, which is better than none, though that’s gotta do me for 8 hours work spread over 17 hours until I can sleep again so see how that shit goes.

I already told the principal that I might not be so lucid or chipper by this afternoons shift, along with the reason why and both the principal and the GA at Warrimoo Primary know all about Mohammed and his dodgy shit, with the GA filling me in on a little bit more of the big picture with things the permanent cleaner’s obviously shared with him about being docked days for attending his father’s funeral and how permanent cleaners afte going to lose money over the Christmas break because of some union/company agreement that’s been challenged or something.

From the I’ve heard over the past few weeks it’s a very good time to be a casual worker, and Mohammad taking me he’ll find me a permanent site soon probably has more to do with the fact workers will probably be resigning from permanent positions because of the way the company is squeezing them with less cleaners who’re having their hours cut while being told they’ve gotta do more work for less money.

Valley Heights – next stop’s me..

And the biggest stress of the morning will be trying to figure which of the small brass keys disables the security system within the 90-odd seconds I’ve got to actually get it turned off – there’s like 4 or 5 that all fit different panels and they all look the same – plus getting the second keypad alarm disabled separately and which to do first mm.. think the grey keypads only give you 30 seconds..

Outside of that, I’ve only got a few toilets and four classrooms to vacuum for the morning – one hours work on a slow day.

8:35 AM

KAH-CHING! – Another $120.


Didn’t get there ’til 5:00 AM and told the principal I might’s well give myself an early-mark then I at 8:00 AM, because I’d already done everything and didn’t wanna miss the train since one hour solid of the flies around here while waiting for the next train might very well see me requiring committal to a mental ward 🙂

Principal thought that was pretty amusing and understood perfectly so told me that’s fine and he’d see me this afternoon.

Sunrise this morning was fucking remarkable: being filtered by so much smoke and so low in the sky, you could literally look directly at it without much discomfort to your retinas at all..

Just invert the intense blood-orange from outside to inside and got it bang on.

I kind’ve wished I had a decent camera on me, but honestly even a top shelf professional SLR would surely need some kind of filter to capture the intense red the sun actually shone with because I doubt a standard lens could see it how your eyes do.

I used photoshop to increase the vibrancy and colour intensity but it’s still not how it actually appeared – all that vermilion around the outside of the sun was on the inside, but the colour in the photo is exactly how deep the tone was.

12:52 PM

I found out last night who this “Ray” is that appeared to be texting me from my supervisors number at lunchtime asking me whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts and it was not some spare mobile of Mohammads’ at all – he had no idea and shit himself when he found out what who it was that was contacting me with offers of bigger shifts 🙂

So to recap, yesterday at about 1:00 PM I’m on the train to Warrimoo when I get a text from who my phone contacts tells me is Mohammad – but on a different mobile number: guy called Ray, who’s asked whether I’d be interested in doing 8 hour shifts and I’ve replied that it’d depend where they are and what site etcetera.

I figured Mohammad had just given his phone to this dood for a minute to text me or something.

That was that until I got home at ~8:30 PM and remembered the text, so I’ve text Mohammad on his normal number and asked “Oh, who is Ray?”

‘I don’t know’

“He’s text me from one of your numbers asking whether I’d be interested in 8 hour shifts at about lunchtime today”

‘Say no!’

‘Say no to Ray!’


‘What you say?’

“To Ray?”

‘Yes to Ray. What you say?’

“Ooh, I told him it would depend on where the site’s located, which site it is, and how long I’d have to..”

A second later, he’s ringing me and I answer..

‘He wanna steal my cleaners!’


‘Yes Ray try steal my cleaners! I call him now! Bastard!’

Ahhh 🙂

Turns out Ray is another supervisor with the company who handles a different area, and Mohammad sounded like he’d shit bricks when he heard he’d contacted me offering me work.

How this happened is that when I worked for the company years ago when Alyson or Steve or whichever one was the supervisor at the time they’d given me two mobile numbers I could contact them on and one of those mobiles has since been given to a completely different supervisor while both the numbers remain in my contacts under my supervisors contact.

Confusing, but I cannot think of a more succinct way of saying it.

But yesterday wasn’t the end of Ray’s contact: he text me this morning saying, ‘Hi Jason, I looked at the employee database and it has told me that you are active and that you rejoined the company in October this year.’

I text him back, “That’s me. I only quit back then because I broke up with my woman and was trying to blackmail her into putting out.”

Sure I could’ve omitted my reply, but what the fuck – that’s what I said.

I haven’t heard from Ray again so far, but Mohammad was going to ring him and have it out about him trying to absorb his blue-mountains cleaners and the overall point to me pointing out here is that the company must be *very* low on cleaners if supervisors are trying to rip each others workers.

Apparently Ray is in the western suburbs, which is not where I want to work even if it is a straight 8 hour shift because I fuckin’ loathe the western suburbs, but it’s certainly telling.

Gotta go get the train pft.

I am full-on pumpin’ the words out this month and just looked at the date to find we’re only 5 days in.


And here’s where I had to leave off before I came back out two hours ago – I only had less than an hour or so..

Another moment, another line.

Hopefully this will be the last shift for the week I’m going to now and I can get some ahh, “hearty carving” done, but who knows right?

I’ve already text dipshit to check that the regular cleaner will be there in the morning – so I know whether to lock the keys up inside the site tonight when I leave – and he’s confirmed.

Doesn’t mean he won’t text at 10:00 PM with some other site to do tomorrow, though it’s a bit late in the week for people to be having days off so I doubt it.

3:03 PM

Gawd.. I’m actually having to wait to start work.

All the outside bins are done so it’s just the inside shit but they haven’t finished school yet, plus they’ve had some ‘do’ arranged by a fat middle-aged blonde teacher so they’re all hanging around the library and haven’t finished with the classrooms yet either.


6:53 PM


Tell ya what I agn not understanding why the principal keeps telling me over and over that he appreciates my coming down from Katoomba.. apart from my groaning about having to come down from Katoomba.

No, seriously I did tell the principal where I live on the first shift and told him I’d rather be cleaning closer to home than down here in the lower mountains, but I also blamed my supervisor for the inconvenience and also explained that if this is where the work’s at then this is where I’ve gotta be.

But almost every time he walks past me he manages to find up saying, ‘I want to thank you for coming here to help us out. We really do appreciate you supporting us like this’

My reply is usually “Nah, no need to thank me – I’m getting paid for it” yet he still keeps telling me how much he appreciates my help.

At around 4:00 PM I walked into one of the six classrooms with my blue cloth to wipe down the desks when I noticed the huge electronic whiteboard display was turned on and had a little bit of finger-painted black scribble in one corner of the screen that one of the kids must’ve done.

I should’ve been wiping desks but it was yeah I couldn’t help myself so several minutes later..

Of course I instantly hated the stupid, weird noise with its pinched shape and nostrils so I erased some lines and redrew them like a normal cartoon nose then fucked around until I found the colour selector and finger-painted the fill im the ears, pupils, nose, tongue and right as I was finishing the collar the principal and teacher whose room was was walked in.

Both of them loved my awesome cartoon doodling skillz, and Miss Sarah said it was a very good dog 😎

I should’ve asked her to grade it – I might’ve got a smiley stamp 😏

Must be nice to be a primary school kid, where teachers tell you anything you attempt is amazing: they’re paid to be supportive and encourage all students, so even the talentless and mediocre get told they’re brilliant and everyone feels better than they are, until they get a bit older and discover adults around them lied – they’re not really good at all the things they thought they were 😫

Still, nice of her to auto-compliment my rushed and scribbled dog – especially since fingerpainting on a giant touchscreen isn’t what I’m paid to be doing 😊

I’d finished wiping down the desks by then anyway so I grabbed the cloth and bucket started heading to the next room and as Miss Sarah’s again told me what a great drawing it was I told her “Hope all the other touchscreens in the rest of the classrooms aren’t on – I’ll never get outta here!”

But none of the other touchscreens were on and I managed to wipe all the other desks without any major distractions, right up until the second last classroom when one of the teachers – who I’d noticed seemed a bit more outgoing than the rest – started taking to me and wouldn’t stop.

Don’t ask me – I just took the photo.

This specific teacher – with glossy, raven-black shoulder length hair, blue eyes and with skin that was evenly tanned enough to tell me she’s probably spent more time than she needs to sunbathing half naked trying to get men to notice her, which is an instant turn-off for anyone like myself who puts a high value on modesty – standing on a desk barefootis when I swing open the door and walk in: reaching up to hang large Santa decorations from the roof which I said looked good.

She’s told me teaching is rubbish pay for all the things she’s gotta do and that yeah, I don’t know whether she was hitting on me but she sure talked a lot and rapidly changed subjects like she was trying to find what interested me the most mm though she could’ve just been chatty, she seemed to be pushing for conversation more than would be natural with a near-on stranger who’s only there to fill-in for the regular cleaner for a day or so.

Of course I wouldn’t have a clue when someone *is* hitting on me at the best of times: women pretty much have to mash and rub against me before I start considering that might be their motivation, but the way she kept talking as if she were trying to hold me there in the classroom longer than I needed to be there seemed strange.

She did an excellent job decorating her classroom for christmas though and had she not been in the middle of the room up on desks the whole time I would’ve taken a photo to illustrate how full-on slathered the space was with all sorts of santas and reindeer and snowmen and little trees and tinsel – roof, walls, all the desks around sides of the room and every surface she could fit decorations had decorations covering them.

8:12 PM

Finally I’ve just gotta eat my frozen pie and garlic bread when it’s cooked and go to bed. God I love sleep.

Friday, 6th December 2019

1:26 PM

Mm I did wake up at about 8:30, but fell asleep again until an hour ago and other than sugar there’s nothing I need in town for once so I can sloth around all day like a slob and not give a shit about doing anything at all 🙂

Just wash my clothes on the weekend, and I’ve already considered next weeks pay and the clothing upgrades I’ll be buying: a new pair of scarpas because they’re the best boots I’ve ever worn, a new merino thermal long-sleeved shirt because the sleaves of the one I’ve got are ripped at the ends and a new pair of thermal leggings that’re merino instead of the acrylic rubbish I’ve currently got.

Like an RPG/Warcraft upgrade in armor for my character – from worn frayed cloth to finely woven gossamer – the new work clothes.


Saturday, 7th December 2019

What do I gotta do today.. wash my clothes, that’s right: clothes, town, charge phone, vegetate.

I just saw Barbara with that dood with the greasy, long unbrushed hair.

They were all holding hands and obviously a couple which strikes me as no surprise, but what most certainly is a surprise is that his hair still looks like it hasn’t been washed in the two years I’ve very vaguely known him.

People complain about my only washing my hair once a week or so, while this dood’s still gettin’ round town looking like some cunt’s stapled rats tails all over his fuckin head.

Come to think of it, Barbaras hair doesn’t look any cleaner than it did two years ago either – it’s still clumped together.

Barbara would definitely have fucked me if I hadn’t been so fast to move on Mandy, but Mandy was easy and winter was cold.

I’m sure Mandy won’t much like reading that but spare me the shocked expression: less than a week after I walked outta there she was off on a romantic weekend getaway with an ex boyfriend, then sat in her backyard the Monday afterwards, cleavage exposed, proposing that since I have my own place now that’s just around the corner, we could continue a relationship 🤮

The best defense against being labeled “cheap” or “easy” is to not be cheap or easy.

And doing it all on the sly like Woman #7 by constantly maintaining multiple, pigeonholed and completely quarantined ‘friendships’ with assorted men while never considering any of them a partner or boyfriend, don’t even start me on that bullshit.

Like every woman over 40 feels some desperate need to have more than one man chasing after them while they talk nothing but shit to your face – acting like the chaste good girl who’s far too busy to be wasting their time on men – while the little holes in their stories you detect are only ever the tip of the iceberg.

Me? I’m a fuckin sex-camel: I can go a long time without a drink, then endlessly slurp it in when I stumble upon the next lagoon and I have no interest in putting my mouth to just whatever puddle I find on the side of the road – I will hold-out for clean, fresh water when I finally do get to gorge myself on the stuff.

Still with all the bullshit it’s enough to have me fed-up with women – what’s a person gotta do to find a woman who’s worth chasing AND is trustworthy AND allows herself to be caught at least long enough for the chase to be worthwhile.

Julie from the nursery was the last woman I met who seemed to tick the right boxes while being down to earth and honest, yet reserved enough to illicit that chase response AND be attractive AND feminine.

Doesn’t help that I’m really not attracted to a great percentage of women in the population: I see plenty of visually attractive women every day, but I need one who knows that her brain is the most attractive asset she has, along with a moral code and physically I’ve always preferred non-classically beautiful beauty.

Barbie dolls, women who feel the need to slough make-up all over their face before leaving the house, women who act too overly sexual or girly or submissive and women who dress to make themselves a visual feast for any random men in town don’t interest me in the slightest because I love modesty and morality in a woman and no, I’m not an uptight christian dickhead.

I just appreciate genuine class in a woman.

Look at all the smoke around godamn I love that smell.

What else do I need to do..

I need to pack stuff in the two large moving boxes I’ve got so I’m not scrambling around finding bits and pieces once I’ve got somewhere to move to, but it’s so much easier to not do that whenever I’m actually home..

Besides, I’m thinking it’s probably more practical to save some money up before I escape the houso maggot-hole than after I move-in somewhere else as a buffer against the casual work intermittently drying up, so a couple weeks of hoarding cash can’t hurt.

Been there this long – what’s a couple more weeks – and I haven’t even started looking since I don’t yet have the standard four weeks in advance I’ll be expected to hand over.

I was going to wait until I’ve got permanent but I’ve got no control over when that’s gonna happen and don’t wanna be sitting around waiting for it, so I’ll roll the fuckin’ dice on casual hours and fuck off outta there as soon as I’ve got the bond in the bank.

Just up and leave I will.

12:05 PM

Old-Brian is in the library with me though he’s currently chowing down on a chicken roll he’s brought with him.

He offered me half but I told him no, “Too early in the day for me to eat Brian but you go ahead”

Not so much “chowing” though, he eats so slowly it’s much like watching a turtle mouthing a peice of seaweed.. gumming his sandwich one tiny bite at a time..

Good stuff – gives me a chance to fix the random images in the sidebar and update without having to converse, so I’m letting him eat without interruption and Old-Brian might not have many meals left to enjoy, so I don’t wanna distract him from fully appreciating the one he’s got.

Poor Old-Brian..

That’s what we’ve all got to look forward to huh?

Skin that tears like a kleenex tissue, swollen arthritic joints that seem frozen in a half open position, runny sores, eyes gummed-up with conjunctivitis and a complete absence of dress sense.. gawd mm

Oh and near complete deafness in both ears, memory loss, cataracts, heart problems, loneliness and death.

Actually wearing socks with sandals and not caring 😬

No no noooo nope; just nope.


Old-Brian is a vivid and poignant example of why I’d rather die before I get really old and why I need to find the woman for me and start creating a history with her as soon as possible – so we’ve got memories to remember in years to come: memories of when we were healthy enough to actually have sex without popping a joint and do things couples do together.

3:18 PM

Blaxland High monday morning 👍

You know, when he offered to find me a permanent site and I said I’d rather stay casual until I’ve got some money in the bank, he said he’d keep me busy as a casual.

So far he’s done that, though it’s more me than him: I’ve made myself the most reliable casual he’s got from Katoomba tol Blaxland and since I’m willing to cover anyone at any of the dozens of sites in the mountains there’s almost always someone sick or having a day or three off and I’m the cunt he texts when he wants someone who shows-up and since I do a fucking good job I’ve quickly jumped to the top of the list: with no kids, no mental issues and the physical fitness of a racehorse, I rock-up at each site, gest along with everybody and kick the arse out of every shift.

Makes me the top-shelf casual of choice for the entire mountains.

Minutes later he’s rang to offer me both Wentworth Falls TAFE in the morning for two weeks plus the Health Center in Katoomba and 5 weeks over the holidays.

How many hours is that – hours are all that matter..

102.5 hours @ $30/per is.. $3,075 I’ve got guaranteed over Christmas, and thanks to the tax-free threshold I’m paying no tax whatsoever on anything 🤑

It would be more but the shitty medical centre is only 2.5 hours a day, so I told him to mark me down to do it, but if a 4 hour afternoon shift comes up over the holidays I’d rather do that and then we’ll find someone else for the medical centre.

Told him I only want 4 hour shifts really and that anything less is for frail, sniveling pieces of shit like Kevin.

I’ll be able to move out quite comfortably indeed 😏

Sunday, 8th December 2019

Gotta find a place, gotta pack.

Gotta get sugar and charge my phone and I spose I can delete yesterday’s extended rant now I’ve said what I’ve gotta say but y’know, I’ve probably backspaced-away more text than I’ve actually left in place and I’m sick of deleting shit.

Awful lot of share places online, but there’s no point looking until after Christmas when I’ve got the money.

Bastard pigfucker – always comes down to money.

I could go down and price the shoes and merino thermals I plan to get on Wednesday, but again I’m really not seeing any point until I’ve got the money and even then there’ll be no protracted shopping expedition: I’ll go in, try the shoes on, grab the merino then tap and leave.

So there’s nothing to do but wait for my phone to charge then fuck-off back home for the day.

There’s these two full-on spastics flopped in wheelchairs that just got wheeled around the other side of the tables here.

Well one of them is moaning, the other is too much of a vegetable to even do that: the quiet one, an asian – well I cannot rightfully call him a man in that state – has really bloated, waxy-looking skin and he looks kind’ve contagious to be honest.

Ther other, the moaner, is caucasian and looks, well not much better but doesn’t look like a waxwork dummy god what was my point.. not to make fun of them certainly because there’s nothing funny about either of them.

Oh right, yeah here I am internally moaning about having to wait a month to move house when these poor fuckers are wheeled-in to remind me that there are worse things in the world than having to wait a few weeks for an upgrade in living conditions.

Yes, things could certainly be worse – glad I’m neither those two. Or the poor fuckers who gotta wheel them around and change their nappies.

Imagine that for a job – no amount of money would be enough.

The asian one just shart himself by the sound of it and the chick with him immediately groaned and wheeled him out.

What a way to spend your Sunday.

Monday, 9th December 2019

3:05 AM

I’ve got some tiny Indian chick boarded and sat down opposite me on an almost empty train and a carriage that’s completely empty other than the two of us.

I like that.

Without saying a word she’s demonstrated trust and a sense of safety in my vicinity.

Unless she’s one of those weird, Indian, man-eating demons just waiting for the right moment to turn and pull some grudge shit on me – grinning with blood red eyes and needle-sharp teeth – though I highly doubt it since she’s currently leaning against the window trying to sleep, not sharpening her fangs in preparation to lunge at me.

Really though, I’m obviously not as weird as some bitches would like to try and convince me I am, though if you tell someone they’re weird often enough they’ll start behaving that way just as surely as telling a woman her arse is getting wobbly will have her checking it everytime she catches her own reflection whether it wobbles or not.

9:41 AM

Man, wooee that’s twice since Saturday I’ve got on the same train a patrol of police have got off at the same station

While I was waiting for the train incidentally, I found a pair of women’s Ray-Bans just sitting there. Polarized judging by the glare reduction, Made in Italy – none of that cheap Chinese factory bullshit – and with a very attractive semi-transparent tortoise-shell frame that’s not polished but has a flat finish..

The lenses aren’t quite perfect but there’s no deep or bad scratches on them at all – only very light micro surface ones you can’t see unless you really look closely.

I gotta eat something.

1:33 PM

Yeah there’s nothing else for it, no matter what angle I analyze or try and make the peices fit together I’m simply wasting mental energy re-thinking the same stagnant variables.

An absolutely pointless pursuit.

Now I’ve got the job I need a nice new place to live so I can find a nice new woman and bury all the bullshit of the past four years forever.

I’m not even feeling the need I once did to stay in Katoomba: why punish myself walking up and down that fuckin hill day-in and day-out? I’m not married to the place.

I can just move into a place in a flatter town and save the energy for work since that’s where I’ll usually be heading – why make life more difficult for myself when there’s literally no benefit to it?

There is no reason.

Wednesday, 11th December 2019

9:12 AM

Missed my first shift this morning.

Not because I slept through the alarm or forgot or any other valid reason: I got several hours sleep then when the alarm started farting noises I switched it off, laid there a minute then thought “Fuck it” and went back to sleep.

I was meant to be at Faulconbridge Public School, at 4:30, of course and it goes without saying that’s a lot of fucking around: getting to Springwood Station’s no biggie but then I’ve gotta find a cab to get to this fucking school that’s in the middle of farking nowhere.

Thing is, the $10 in cab fare is covered by the extra hour he’s tacked on as a sweetener – that’s right he’s paying extra hours for my taxis now – but it was looking decidedly sour at 2:00 this morning.

That wasn’t what stopped me getting up and going though: it was nicotine withdrawals.

I’d been outta smokes since yesterday at lunch so by nighttime I was starting to get pretty fucking twitchy and then the looming reality that nothing would be open to buy smokes until 8:00 in Springwood: that was the deciding factor – not a single smoke from 2:00 until what, 9:00 AM.

Fuck that.

Even the nearly $1,400 in the bank wouldn’t get me nicotine from anywhere at that time of the morning.

Bout an hour ago Mohammad rings finally, and I’d quite obviously not texting him all morning trying to think of a good excuse.

‘Heeey how are you this morning my friend’

“Ahh, good?”

‘How was Faulconbridge?’


‘Nice and clean school huh?’

“Mmm i dunno sure”

‘How was Kate she nice no?’


‘What time you start this day?’

“I didn’t”

‘You didn’t?’

“Yeah we both know I didn’t go”

‘You didn’t go?’

“Yeah write it up as food poisoning or whatever – I had a bad chicken last night.”

‘Ah is okay don’t worry, it happens’

“Right well I’ll go tomorrow.”

‘Okay that okay why you not go?’

“Officially I ate bad chicken, unofficially I ran outta smokes yesterday at lunchtime and by the time the alarm went off I was too twitchy and stressed to go another 7 hours without a smoke”

‘Ahh it’s okay that’s fine I understand’

Man he must be desperate for cleaners.

“I’ve got money and smokes now though, so I’ll be there tomorrow morning”

‘Okay that’s good no worries relax’


I hang up the phone and then realize it’s lucky that went so well because no matter what a pain in the arse Faulconbridge is to get to I need the hours to keep on coming, and I have to get out of that fucking cave quickly – I can’t be the arsekicking casual cleaner of choice if I can’t have a human residence where I can shower and sleep in a bed and have clean sheets and power to charge my phone.

Gotta get outta there.

Turns out it’s Faulconbridge Public School, which I assume is a primary and only a flat 20 minute walk from the train station so I don’t need a taxi or lift.

11:30 AM

And $500 later I’ve upgraded clothes to a new pair of the most comfortable boots on earth plus a pair of mac pac merino long johns and new merino top.

Could buy half a wardrobe of clothes for that much money at Big-W or Target no doubt, but I’d rather three very comfortable items than a bunch of shit that fits like shit and looks like shit.

And the shoes: I’m on my feet all day, I don’t even need any better reason to trade-up to $350 Scarpas than that.

I realize this isn’t exactly saving or hoarding money but everyone can fuck off – I’ve been wearing increasingly worn clothes since I quit the job last time so it’s about time I refreshed the items I wear the most.

4:46 PM

I was just saying, I’d happily pay $250/week just to be able to have hot showers, powerpoints and wifi again.

This sink washing bullshit takes just too long and is too much fucking around and cold showers? You turn on the cold water and see how much of your arm you get under the water before you change your mind.

Just took me almost hour and three sink refills to get myself clean in sections with my hair washed and a shave.

Too long.

And to think for the briefest moment a week or so ago the idea of renting her granny flat was almost humored in passing conversation.

In reality, I’m asked if I want to leave anytime I don’t speak and behave exactly according took the script she expects me to follow when I’m there – and that’s just for a visit.

Could you imagine living like that?

Like a prisoner in a nazi ‘reeducation’ camp, I’d be told to get out fifteen times a day because I’m never going to follow any stupid script that’s fake as rubber dog-shit and only serves to balloon-up the ego of one person who’s never done anything to earn an ego.

And like that woman in the jewellers .in town told me two years ago ‘If you can’t even live together why are you buying her a ring? Save your money Honey, find someone else.’

Yeah that was the jeweler – who’s job it is to sell jewelry and promote romance: even she knew there was something twisted going on without my even having to say.

Which is why finally, outside a basic, mutually beneficial and very casual friendship Woman #7 has earned a place in the dusty back corner of my heart.

Coated in cobwebs with all the other second-hand, broken toys other people have already ruined before I got to have a go of them.

God these new merino leggings are comfortable.

Like man-stockings, worth every penny, until the crotch starts tearing, because my dick is so big that erections inevitably split the fabric.

Wonder if that’s covered by the macpac warantee 🤔

Im going to bed: can’t just not bother showing-up for work again tomorrow.

Thursday, 12th December 2019

3:43 AM

Beautiful and cold this morning.

Matter of fact it’s pissin’ down and I’ve got a twenty minute walk from Faulconbridge Station to the school.

Fuck that I’ll call a taxi 😎

8:33 AM

I didn’t call a taxi – didn’t need to on account of the train stopping when I ‘alighted’ the train and the fact that Google’s 30 minute walk estimate well, maybe it’d take a fat guy half an hour but it took me fifteen minutes.

Cute little school.

Much like Springwood Primary the window-sills were filthy, but being the hero I am, I fixed that while yawning my way through the whopping seven classrooms I had to do.

Tell ya what though those little motherfucks with their goddamn pencil shavings all around their little desks and little chairs that shit’s a pain in the arse to get off the carpet.

After that, Margaret – the other cleaner – had a smoke out back with me and said I can go anytime I like so – despite her insisting I didn’t have to – I wiped the desks in the library because well, really, I just felt kinda like I was taking the piss doing that little work for the $135 I’m getting for being there.

I’m heading back to the cleaners cupboard still wearing my pacvac with my bucket and cloth in the other hand, when I’ve walked past Margaret and a teacher talking in the main yard.

Tried to walk past them, but Margaret wanted to introduce me and so she did and then there’s chatter about the fires and smoke and how hot it was on Tuesday when they had the school christmas party and all about the kids being stuffed in the hall.

Finally free of that introduction I’ve taken the vacuum cleaner and bucket back to the cupboard, locked it up then turned to go find my co-worker and tell her I was going (train leaves at 8:18 all that), but just around the corner I find she’s talking now to the GA and some other teacher and that required an introduction as well and so I conversed and listened to the ex-principal talk about how she was the principal and how they have to hire a bus to take the kids eight-hundred meters up the street.

The ex-principal was basically complaining about how snowflaky the kids are and so I agreed that 800 meters isn’t hard to walk, is good for their legs and then imagined trying to co-ordinate 400 kids crossing the highway mm.

The GA, whose name I cannot remember spent most of the conversation dropping failed funnies about how teachers need a whip to keep the students in-line and yeah they didn’t illicit much laughter because, well the GA isn’t very bright so his delivery didn’t deliver very well at all.

Finally free of that introduction I’ve told Margaret I’m going (train leaves at 8:18 you know Margaret, don’t wanna miss it) when she spots the principal pulling up in her car and tells me we’ll quickly go say hi to her since I’m on my way out anyway and off we went to do that.

Fortunately, the principal was on the phone when she got out her car and too distracted to talk so there wasn’t any conversation to be trapped in there and I got to finally leave as Margaret calls out ‘Seeya tomorrow morning!’

“Yes! Seeya tomorrow!”

4.5 hours for 3.5 hours work: that’s how you fuckin’ do it and I realize I haven’t written this as punchily as I should but I’m typing it in the WISE office while my phone charges and they’re having a staff chrismas meeting or some shit so making too much noise for me to concentrate.

Trivia question: ‘What is the largest organ in the human body’

I call out, ‘The skin.”

Nicki calls back, ‘Yeah can you not Jason?’

Whatever you shuddup ya fat bitch 🙂

There’s not a single one of them who’s close to healthy weight and each has brought enough junk food to fill a car boot so their skin more than anyone’s is most certainly the largest organ.


You could make a whole leather sofa from the chick closest me with plenty leftover to spare – easily.

Moooooo 🙂

1:55 PM

To ease my sadness about the woman I love being the emotional equivalent of 60-grit sandpaper instead of the kitten soft female she’s meant to be, I bought myself another merino top earlier. A light grey one mm.

Not only have I had the hots for merino since moving to the mountains because of its softness and the fact it’s light enough to wear summer and winter, I’ve gotta look good for work to get out of having to wear their shitty uniformed shirt and so far it’s worked out well – I just pin my ID card to the beltline of my pants so that’s visible and nobodies taken issue so far.

Done my shopping now anyhow, so I can go home soon as my phone is charged again.

Friday, 13th December 2019

3:18 AM

My internal clock is coming to terms with falling asleep so much earlier than usual: even the junkie human waste didn’t stop me falling asleep the last few nights.

Still not a lot of time to do the actual sleeping, but enough for 3-4 solid hours which is enough to keep me tired enough to pass out the following night for another 3-4 hours and enough to function without zombafaction setting-in.

3:55 PM

Mm you know, I left the flat this morning at 2:30 AM and only returned about an hour ago, so a solid thirteen hours I’ve been around the general public in one place or another – the sheer awesome of knowing I don’t have to go anywhere again today cannot be overstated.

What I do have to do is wash my new merino tops and pants and wash another load of socks and underwear then hang them soon so they can dry overnight.

Might apply some of that clear leather shoe polish to my new boots too afterwards just for the hell of it because they’re new and my favorite footwear 😊

Dinner tonight, for dinner there’s a variety of bits and pieces – from lurpak butter for toast or sandwiches with tomatoes and smoked ham or banana; to the 1kg mixed Christmas lollies; to biscuits and chocolate and Fantastic noodles in a cup; to, well that’s it really but that’s enough – how much choice do I need right?

Saturday, 14th December 2019

I’ve gotta get ready to go into town and peacock about the place in my new merino, which I hand-washed last night in cold water with a few squirts of that eucalyptus, lavender and tea tree oil – which is packaged as ‘natural antiseptic’ spray but we all know it’s just essential oil – and a tiny squirt of hair conditioner to keep the fabric relaxed because I get hard for merino I love it so much.

Pretty soon, I’ll have merino socks, underwear and shit if they made merino work pants I’d buy those too.

Not only does it feel soft as puppies on your skin, feeling yourself feels better through merino than any other fabric and I feel myself a lot so it’s imperative I have the best fabric for doing that.

The pants, the merino long-johns are the shit: not only are they soft they’re perfectly snug fitting and I can’t even feel the outer layer with them on.


1:30 PM

Every nerd in town seems to be here at ther library for what appears to be a clearance on old library books.

Can’t imagine buying a physical book myself, when they’re all available to download for like, $4/each and never take up any space nor wear out in digital form.

Whatever floats their boats right?

And I just saw an ex-supervisor at Woolies while I was there. Steve, he had the demeanor of a used car salesman but turned-out to be alright and was definitely more popular than mohammad the magnificent, though I’m no longer so negative about mohammad now he’s keeping me stacked with shifts so regardless of all the permanent cleaners bitching about not being paid properly he’s paid me all hours owing and I don’t give a rats if he’s a misogynistic douchebag who shortchanges his workers: long as my account’s settled every payday, fuck my co-workers 🙂

Oh no, yeah I’ve made a point of not giving the sites’ URL to anyone in the company: this is my livelihood after all – don’t want all my coworkers hating me.

So far it’s worked a treat too – everyone loves me when they’ve no idea at all what I really think 😏

Fuckin people will go anywhere for a bargain: you’d think they’d never been allowed to possess books before the way they’re pawing all through ’em and all for excess junk they don’t really need.

2:22 PM

So I’ve just got outside for a smoke when I see one single pair of leaves spiral to the ground outta nowhere, out back of the cultural centre and library where there’s absolutely no trees nearby tall enough to be dropping leaves.

I don’t know why I picked it up though it caught my attention mostly because it fell from the sky like the little paper helicopters were used to make in school – round and round and round as it fell.

I gave this one to Old-Brian, who left it behind when he struggled to his feet and hurried off to the toilet as the library was closing.

I lean down and pick it up just as another leaf drifts down to the ground – this one with actual ash on its surface..

And gave this one to the librarian along with the information that burnt leaves and ash are falling from the sky. She said it was beautiful so I told her “It’s not a gift – just an example of what’s going on outside”

Burnt leaves: they’re half burnt leaves from the Ruined Castle bushfire and then I see little flakes of ash falling here and there too, before going in the toilets here for a piss and finding a little chunk of ash in my hair in the mirror..

So I guess to the rural fire service, “Being Controlled” means the fire is raging and not actually being controlled much at all which isn’t any great shock: all the fires in the National Park surrounding Katoomba have been marked “Being Controlled” for two weeks and in that time they’ve doubled and tripled in size with the closest fire I’ve been tracking growong from about 1,000 hectares – which seemed massive a week ago – to 4,599 hectares and still growing.

Not that I’m claiming the fire service aren’t doing what they can but let’s be honest, with a million square hectares of untouched national park on fire they’re pretty useless to stop it.

They can slow it and do little things here and there to try and influence small tracts of land but the wilderness areas are just way too big for a few helicopters spot-dumping water to really have any control over.

Reason the fires have slowed is because they’re being blown back on areas where there’s no fuel left to burn, then aggrav the wind changes they rage-up again.

Nice the fire service feel like heroes, but it’s a bit of a wank reaaally – when there’s simply way too much bushland for anyone to have a hope of seriously protecting.

Nature is the only thing that can extinguish the fires and that’s not comin’ any time soon; people are like ants compared to the national park around us.

Here’s a photo of the Sun I took a half hour ago behind the plume of smoke from the fires and the whole town is bathed in deep orange sunlight.

It’s bizarre to see sunlight that’s so heavily tinged but looks good.

Old-Brian is reading a newspaper in the library on the other side of the table from me and he reckons backburning at narrow-neck when the whole mountains have a catastrophic fire going on is the height of stupidity.

And here’s a photo from the roof of the cultural centre..

4:00 PM

The driver just told me buses aren’t going to Echo Point of it’s closed again and the just a few seconds ago the Ruined Castle fire got an upgrade to “Watch and Act”, with its icon changed from the blue ‘everything’s cool’ to the yellow ‘everybody panic’..

What to do with my night..

I could continue working on one the half dozen unfinished carvings I’ve got scattered around the place; I could clean; I should start packing; I should wash more clothes for next week though I’ve got fresh stuff for the next few days which is about as far ahead as I ever think; I could just make like a vegetable and listen to podcasts while doing nothing at all.

The last is my current trajectory and what I’m currently doing, or not doing, so I spose deciding what to do with the evening was really not difficult after all – I’ll vegetate until bedtime 🙃

Another benefit of working being that when I’ve done my workload for the day or week I don’t feel the need to do anything superfluous or a better way of wording it: I don’t have to justify doing nothing because I’ve already done my 1:30 AM starts to the 20 hour days on 3 hours sleep, so if I wanna lay here just listening to shit and doing fuck all I can, without feeling any guilt at all about being lazy or uncreative – I’ve created money being the likeable, personable co-worker all week, that’s creativity enough.

Similarly, one of the benefits of being single and not in a relationship with a dedicated significant other is I don’t feel the need to be carving love hearts or finding other means of expressing proclamations of love: I can just lay here listening listen to shit and doing fuck all because there’s no woman to impress.

I was just thinking, I should wax the other pair of boots I got a few weeks ago too.

Even though they’re not Scarpas, they are comfortable especially for steel-cap work boots and it’s good to have a back-up pair that aren’t worn-out or old: I can use them for holiday cleanup when we have to use that acidic shit to strip the hard flooring and save the soles of the Scarpas being eaten away; use the steel-caps if I do any whip-snipping or anything else that would ruin my favorite shoes.

So yeah I should apply wax to the least favorite boots as well as the favourites and yeah I put both pairs together earlier and quite aside from the fact the Scarpas look much better than the work-boots and have the superior Vibram sole that actually seems to bite or hook into surfaces its grip is so good, I lifted both pairs up – one after the other – and the difference in weight is so obvious: the Scarpas feel like they weigh only half as much as the cheaper work-boots do and over a whole day on your feet that’s a HUGE amount of energy you’re saving just by not having that unnecessary extra weight attached to your feet.

The Scarpas are so light it’s like you’re only carrying the weight of your feet themselves which makes being on your feet for prolonged periods just that much easier.

Course the work-boots retailed for $150, while the Scarpas retail for $350 so there’s a significant difference in price, but you get what you pay for and if I were some office-worker butterball sitting on his fat arse all day staring at a screen shoes wouldn’t matter much at all, but I’m not, I’m on my feet all day like a panther and I want shoes that allow me move like one 😎

Random historic photo of the month

I could make this a thing..

Sunday, 15th December 2019

Fuck me, all the inbred mountain folk are out and about today: was there a large break-out from a mental hospital nearby?

Now, we all know I’m not oneto needlessly complain but running out of my favourite tobacco and having to switch back to that cheap Riverstone shit is just awful: like I’m smoking just chemicals sprayed on non-specific leaf matter – I swear I can taste it on my tongue.

Blugh! Welcome to my world of problems!

Outside of that, supervisor text this morning and asked me if I would do Blaxland High just for tomorrow morning then continue with Faulconbridge Primary every other morning this week plus he wants me to do the Healthcare Center right here in town every afternoon this week and BANG – 47.5 hours and over $1,400 lined up for the fortnight!

I’ve really gotta find a way of easily writing down my shifts too: though I’ve managed to keep track of the total hours I’ve worked since it’s only one number I really should keep a record of the details too but can’t think of an easy way to do it.

I mean I can write it down on paper, page after page, but how do easily hand that over to the supervisor for payroll entry? Photograph it? What if he can’t read my handwriting?

Excel would be ideal and I could create a spreadsheet with all the details that calculates everything for me but I don’t have a laptop and trying to use Excel on a mobile phone is just ridiculous.

I even went in the office shop in town and looked at their blank, printed timesheet books but those were not right and the old guy at the newsagent a moment ago suggested I just buy a dairy and write in that since it’s dated but again there’s no simple way to get handwritten entries to mohammad for payroll.

I know there’s apps that count work hours for you and have paid for a few of those but they’re a fair amount of fucking around, though they do create exported invoices.

2:45 PM

It’s cool, it’s just sweet everything is sorted and A-OK thanks to an app I already had stored in my purchased apps library and only had to download..

The app itself..

Does fuckin everything: all I’ve gotta do is enter each shift date, start/end time and the location in the ‘Notes’ field – the app stores details about the job like my hourly rate and pay period then calculates everything and exports to either excel spreadsheet or PDF for me, so I’ve entered all shifts I’ll be doing this pay cycle into it already and only have to edit them if anything changes 👍

The excel spreadsheet, fully editable so I can highlight the formatting, which I’ve done.

That’s just fucking, awesomesauce: I’ll have a detailed record of every shift I do and when I get home I’ll enter the exact dollar and cent amount of my hourly rate from my payslip for flawlessly accurate record keeping 😎

And a section of the PDF..

It even backs-up all my data to whatever cloud service I want 😊

Old-Brian is here at the library – on at me again about fruit trees, gawd.. like I’ve got time to be wandering around looking for apples that’re usually already picked by neighbours before the fruit’s ripened completely anyway.

Monday, 16th December 2019

3:06 AM

Same 3:00 AM train, same Indian chick but strangely she’s already on the train when it reaches Katoomba today – opposed to boarding at Katoomba.

Like every fuckin’ horror movie ever starts with this: the unassuming, quiet, tiny woman who turns into Bazuzu when nobodies looking and all people are is a headless corpse with its dick chewed off..

Just waiting for the demon eyes to needle teeth to come out during one those long stretches between stations..

8:44 AM

That was an interesting four hours.

Started with my finding out I had to cover for Fat-Andrew again because again Fat-Andrew was off work Friday afternoon and though he’d come in this morning there was still friday afternoons work to do.

So the morning starts off doing all the toilets in the school with this idiot and though all I gotta do is wait and mop the floor once he’s finished doing the shit I don’t wanna do – which sounds like a good deal – the guy moves with the speed of a fuckin’ slug and everytime he comes out a toilet he’s gotta try and start a conversation with the most inane shit so it’s like two minutes mopping then fifteen minutes waiting then two minutes mopping then fifteen minutes waiting around – it just takes so fucking long but at the same time it’s not my site so I don’t care whether he gets everything done or falls behind in his shit and when I suggested this morning I just leave him to the toilets and get started on the classrooms, both Fat-Andrew and the Ipad-Nazi agreed it’d be faster if two people do the toilets at once and get them outta the way – it isn’t faster.

I’d be happy to do the toilets myself and have them all done this side of an hour if the big fella would fuck off and wheeze his way through something else because the fucker does everything slowly – like he’s so fat and fucking lazy he tries to make one job stretch-out the whole four hours just to avoid doing anything else.

So I spent the first two hours just walking around the corner for a smoke or pacing the corridor waiting to mop up toilet Fat-Andrew was currently crawling his way through.

Before I could even start on those two hours of frustration though we’ll rewind to minutes after I arrived at Blaxland High though and Fat-Andrew whinging to the Ipad-Nazi about Mohammad telling him to do some toilets in the stadium – which I never knew existed because I haven’t covered the old guy who does the stadium, who’s perfectly nice but for the sake of characterizing we’ll call him Woggy-Bill.

Hey, you know we’re trying to paint a story here and the characters need names to save confusion on the off-chance there’s a different Bill enters the picture at some point, but Bill is fine – he’s old and has an Italian accent but he never seems to be sick and doesn’t complain about his work, he just does it so you don’t see him much.

Home baked by some teacher called Jennifer. I had two 😏

So Fat-Andrew is throwing a tantrum about having to clean a couple extra toilets then says he’s just not doing them to the Ipad-Nazi – ‘Not unless he gives me another fuggin hour or something’ and Ipad-Nazi tells Fat-Andrew to take it up with Mohammad since he’s the one who gave him the extra work while I’m standing there thinking I’ve spent too much time at this fucking school if they’re comfortable airing their dirty laundry in front of me.

I don’t want to hear any of this shit, I wanna start work so I can get it done and relax, not standing around listening to the cleaners at one shitty school squabble about one shitty toilet.


Tuesday, 17th December 2019

3:12 AM

I don’t even know really whether I’m tired or not this morning.

On the one hand I only got about an hours sleep last night while on the other, I had about three hours sleep yesterday in the middle of the day and it’s the fortunate thing about the afternoon clean I’ll be doing for the next five weeks.

I’m booked for ther Healthcare Centre right here in Katoomba and since there’s no travel, no 2:00 PM afternoon starts and only a few minutes walk from where I live I end-up with around 6 hours in the daytime I can just pass out if I like which I’ll probably do and end-up nocturnal by the end of it.

So I’ve had about four hours sleep in the last day, but split like my shifts.

Fucking Kevins’ site – the medical centre.

I rock up yesterday afternoon, tell the desk-bitch “I’m filling in for Kevin while he’s ‘on holidays'” and see this fucker behind a blind with a spray bottle wiping non-existent fingerprints off the window , “Come and let me in!”, I grab the handle and rattle it “OPEN THE DOOR!”

He clanks and clatters and untangles himself from the venetian blind he’s hiding behind to avoid doing actual work, then moseys on over and as soon as he’s at the door it’s like WOW I never imagined a person could look that bad.

Like a pregnant midget with a week of stubble: the grey gollywog hair and matching grey skin tinted hepatitis yellow – I’m shocked staff at the centre haven’t complained about his absence of personal grooming – he looks like dried horseshit.

Dried horseshit in a cheap acrylic high-vis shirt and for half an hour after I get there he’s done nothing but diddle ’round with a spray bottle and cloth walking from one window to another but never cleaning any of them – because all he does is fidget and talk shit to medical centre staff the paper towel never touches the glass while I get started on the bins.


Ho ho ho – much better without that little cocksuck annoying shit outta me 😎

Wednesday, 18th December 2019

8:18 AM

Catch-up catch-up catch-up – can’t be arsed really, though I do hate to leave half finished monologues just sitting there without a conclusion that’s more or less satisfying to readers.

Margaret asked me an hour in her most have-I-got-a-deal-for-you voice, what I would think about the idea of cleaning Faulconbridge Primary permanently.

Though the site’s already got two permanent cleaners, teachers at the school have been commenting to Margaret how impressive my cleaning is and Margaret in-turn has told Mohammad how impressed she is with me and my awesomeness.

“Oh, I wouldn’t: that’d mean I’d have to switch to being a permanent employee and I don’t wanna be permanent anywhere yet.”

She wants to have our supervisor remove the Chinese bitch I’m filling-in for and have me replace her.

That was that really, though before I left we were talking to the GA when she’s told him she wants me to stay-on permanently to replace her co-worker at which point I repeated in a sympathetic tone than I’d rather get 33% more money in the bank on payday than accumulate sick pay and annual leave adding that I haven’t needed to visit a doctor once in five years, that I’m never sick and never go anywhere on holidays.

The GA understood, agreeing that bouncing around from one site to another has it’s appeal.

“Keeps it fresh” I told him, nodding.

Wonder if the nursery’s open today.

11:11 AM

I’m about to have a nap since I got only two hours sleep last night, though even if I can’t sleep now I’ve agreed with Margaret to a later start tomorrow of 5:30 AM instead of the usual 4:00 AM.

Today’s the last day of school for Faulconbridge Primary students so there’ll be nobody there but teachers tomorrow and since I’ve been operating on very little sleep since monday the extra 1.5 hours will be functionally useful, so I’ll be able to get the 4:30 AM train and it’ll be a very relaxed morning anyway since the deep-clean doesn’t happen until the end of the holidays just before school goes back – hence we won’t have much to do tomorrow and friday.

And guess who’s doing Katoomba TAFE in January? Uh huh, that’s right old Ray aand I will get to have the big reunion over the deep clean while Kevin’s off getting diseased shit cut out of him – or whatever the fuck his two surgeries are about.

I thought seriously for a moment about buying a new laptop next payday you know, but quickly turned off the idea: considering what a pain in the arse it is to keep fora phone charged, a laptop isn’t the most logical Christmas present so I’ve pre-decided instead to travel to Penrith and finally buy myself that bottle of my favourite Armani cologne instead – that’s only ~$100, requires no charging and will make me smell fucking amazing.

I’m also going to start looking at share accommodation next payday and plan to move out of here a fortnight after that.

Have to move out a fortnight after that: the shit will soon hit the fan with centrelink and the department of housing and I have to have a place before it does or risk finding myself homeless again.

Five weeks from today I want to pay rent somewhere and move in.

This will be the last chance you have to open your shit up to me and offer me that granny flat: call it whatever you like and whether you help, don’t help or ignore me completely is entirely up to you – ball’s in your court and it’ll be the last serve you ever get from me if you don’t hit it back.

Any woman with a love worth spit would’ve wanted me living with her back when I was working my cock off the first time, so if I end-up moving into a stranger’s house instead that’s fine but that’s all we will be to one another from that point on: I have invested immeasurably more time, patience, effort and emotion in you than can be justified given how embarrassingly little you’ve given back.

Either way I’ve gotta move out of here and into a healthy environment to keep my job – if I do it without you being involved that’ll be that: book shut; show’s over; finito.

Up to you: five weeks to decide.

1:50 PM

Even when I read the above back to myself I see how absolutely ludicrous that sounds: the notion that after four years of scorn and snark that any serious romantic attempt could function in any practical capacity.

The horse is not only too dead to flog it’s decomposed to a sludge that stinks too bad to even approach.

I haven’t napped at all yet, because I got it in my head to get a box of those party sausage rolls again for dinner and I’m impatient to go do the afternoon shift so I can go to Woolies first and buy the suckers.

But it’s not the sausage rolls alone have me tonguing to get them but the sauce I’ve decided on to go with them: rather than ordinary shit I’ll get a tub of that spicy capsicum dip – fuck how good would that be with sausage rolls, instead of tomato sauce.

And oh yeah – those Kookaburra biscuits I wanted to get a week ago but couldn’t find.

Don’t wanna forget them.

They’ll be dessert.

6:21 PM

Really that ash is comin’ down much more frequently now.

One of the staff at the medical center told me to help myself to the fridge full of food leftover from their Christmas lunch today, which is nice of hebui’t I’ve already got my chosen path set for dinner obviously, though I had some of these Arnotts chip crackers – they’re pretty good.

9:00 PM

The very star-trek-looking cordless leaf blower battery charging: size of a small football the sucker is, and we will finally be getting cordless vacuum cleaners in 2020 🙂

My job and work life have just been upgraded and I’ve just been given a confidential agreement with my supervisor that amounts to my own little gravy train – all I’ve gotta do is keep my mouth shut about it and not tell any other cleaners.

I’m not even going to write it on here actually, but suffice to say I’ll be significantly rewarded for being a panther among the flea-ridden house cats that are the other cleaners.

I will add while I’m here though what I got the other day ‘awarded’ by the company.

Every year at christmas they give out fifty gift cards to cleaners who’ve been kicking the shit out of it and our supervisor came out to Blaxland High at 5:30 AM to give it to me as well as have me sign the half dozen or so health and safety updates.

The other three cleaners at the high school seemed a bit put-out since none of them got one, but the company cleans all public primary schools, high schools, TAFES and a bunch of other government buildings because we’ve got the government contract and with easily several thousand cleaners and only fifty cards, most people don’t get one.

Bad luck for them I guess 😎

Another example of why I’ve changed my tune pretty radically about this generally unpopular supervisor is his response to my complaining about what a bitch the principal at Faulconbridge Primary School is.

This afternoon this bitch rings Margaret – the permanent cleaner at Faulconbridge – to tell her that the school would be closed tomorrow, so cleaners aren’t required to come into the school and BANG- just like that I’ve had 4.5 hours worth $135 snatched off me because I’m a casual worker and casuals don’t get paid if they don’t go in.

This cow is on a salary of course and gets paid whether she’s there or not so fuck the wage-based blue collar workers – they can just ‘have a day off’ right.

I text the supervisor telling him literally that the principal is a dog and she’s just cost me $135 for tomorrow morning and $270 if she decides to ‘let us eat cake’ on Friday too.

He rings from the company-appointed mobile and says he’ll find out what’s going on then ring me back, which he does a few minutes later – this time from his own personal phone.

He tells me he changed phones because he doesn’t know what the company records and that he can speak now, then continues by telling me to stay home, have the morning off and sleep-in – he’ll add the 4.5 hours to my time-sheet it’s cool and he stresses ‘just between us – don’t tell the other cleaners’

“Alright”, I say, “If Margaret asks me what happened, I’ll tell her you wouldn’t pay me tomorrow hours, that’ll..”

‘NOOO’, he’s groaned out, ‘Don’t say ANYTHING – Just be quiet – keep your mouth closed and don’t tell anyone anything’



“Yeah – I dunno nothin’ about nothin”

‘You know how cleaners talk man they always talking to each other.. just be quiet bro I’ll look after you’

He’s sure right about that: every site I’ve visited I’ve had other people unload their gripes and complaints and even told me personal shit about themselves – I can go to school-a and mention a cleaner at school-b then find the cleaner at school-b telling me all about the issues the first cleaner is having even though they’re 10 towns apart.

Cleaners are certainly talkers and seem to love complaining about what a cunt their boss is and it doesn’t matter who is the current supervisor, everyone focuses their bitching on them – even I started out doing it 🙂

“Alright bro – I won’t tell a soul”

Of course when I read that all back to edit, I can just hear Woman #7 asking ‘Sure he’s not gay?’ and though I’ve no idea really, I’ve never got that impression: I’ve only seen him at various sites three times in almost three months and the only time he texts me is to ask me to go out and clean some school in the middle of some podunk little town because someone’s not shown up for work the day before.

What does appear to be going on though is he’s getting his arse kicked by his supervisor because he’s got a lot of terribly lazy cleaners who’re regularly not showing up for work and he doesn’t have a great number of casuals who will – like me – travel down the mountain as far as Blaxland for the hours, so he’s desperate for any cleaners who will show up, shut up and do the work which makes me quite the asset.

Not only will I go to those podunk little towns at 4:00 AM, I like cleaning generally: it’s not all scraping shit off toilets and in fact there’s almost never anything like that to do – these are government workplaces we’re cleaning here full of middle-class government workers who keep their workplace (especially their toilets) generally pretty clean.

80% of each shift is just vacuuming and changing bins and the bins are changed every day so there’s hardly ever anything nasty in them.

The other 20% breaks down into probably 15% wiping fingerprints off desks and workstations plus windows with only 5% toilets that’re usually so clean you can get away with simply squirting some blue disinfectant in the water and running a mop around the toilet itself though I usually mop the whole floor anyway unless I’m really pressed for time.

The hardest part of the job is actually getting up out of bed at fuck-knows what time and going to the site – once you’re there the cleaning itself is so easy it’s almost irrelevant.

Thursday, 19th December 2019

A solid nine hours sleep I got and it actually feels kinda weird to not be exhausted though it’s already getting warm so I’ll go into town a bit earlier and absorb the librarys air-con for something to do before the afternoon shift.

Really hope Kevin doesn’t die in surgery.

See what I did there: because I’ve previously given context and painted a clear picture of what I think of Kevin, I don’t even need to imply sarcasm – it’s automatically applied to any statement of concern for his well-being 🙂

Smooooth 😏

I could do his beloved, but ordinary medical centre permanently, do the house-sized building in my sleep and get paid twice what he does for it.

No, seriously I don’t want a site that’s only 2.5 hours a day – that’s for frail old women who lack the energy for a full shift – I want a full 4 hours per shift to even consider taking-on a site permanently.

Anything less is rubbish – even if it’s right here in Katoomba though I did finally realize yesterday that cleaning the medical centre five days a week for the next five weeks gives me a place to charge my batteries overnight so I no longer need to beg my ex to take the battery packs overnight.

Don’t need to hang around the WISE employment office either: playing nice to fat wankers who only stand up to walk to the bathroom and squeeze-out the putrid remains of all that food they’re always stuffing down their gullets.

Looking at the calendar, they’ll have to pay us early next week since Wednesday is the 25th, that’s good.

Just gotta find a woman to cut my hair and fuck me now and a nice place to live where I can leave the persona at the door and wind-down when I get home – not a place so full of drama I’m being wound-up the whole time I’m there.

Performance for work, relaxing for home.

1:26 PM

Got myself soapy clean and shaved with that truly effective deodorant on plus brand new socks and underwear on – bonds, of course: now we’re just waiting for the clean merino to dry though it’s pretty quick even without a wind blowing into the bathroom – I only washed it two hours ago and it’s almost done already.

Mundane, yes, but that’s what’s going on.

I’ve gotta go in earlier too so I have time to send my mother the Christmas card she’d nagging me to send and shut her up.

And look at what’s coming out the dusty box for a comeback after years..

Make Kevin look like the lazy, incompetent little weird fuck he is and have fun doing it: I love cleaning windows – seeing filthy dust covered slough off to leave glass so clean you need to check twice to make sure the frame isn’t empty 😎

3:53 PM

$8! That’s fucken robbery!

Wonder if Faulconbridge Primary will be closed in the morning: sure hope the bitch keeps it shut – that’ll mean getting paid another $135 to sleep and that my friends, is a pretty good deal 🤐

I’ve just been outside to the back railing of the cultural centre and had a look – you can’t even take a photo of it: there’s no definition to the smoke and no distinguishing line between the smoke and clouds; it’s just a mass of white haze.

5% battery because the cable I usually keep in my pocket with the fast-charge adapter is currently plugged into one the 20,000mAh battery packs in the medical centre fully charged

9:13 PM

I got this text from Margaret about two hours ago..

School closed tomorrow

Course Margaret was the first I complained too yesterday when the fat principal in cloying perfume declared the school closed, but she had no idea I’ll be paid for both days anyway so she’s probably thinking how shitty I am about “missing out” on 9 hours or $270, so to continue that farce I text her back a disgruntled reply about how last Wednesday’s garbage will smell really good after it’s been sitting there in the hot classrooms all holidays.

I then text the supervisor on his private mobile and told him that school is closed again.

He’s told me not to worry, that it’s ‘in you timesheet 👍’, so I’ve told him that since he’s “taken care of” nine hours for me I’ll just go in early one afternoon and “take care” of the windows: off the clock – no need to worry about adding another hour or whatever 👍

I also stayed back about another half hour tonight at the healthcare centre of my own accord because the backs of the desks, computers and workstations were all coated in dust and that’s just how much longer it took to wipe behind them.

I never intended to do the windows tonight of course and only took the wagtail in so it’s there when I decide to use it, though I spoke to the building manager who told me I can basically come in anytime throughout the day to do windows with the only caveat being that I’ll need to hold-off on doing ther clinic rooms while patients are in them, so I’ll probably go in half an hour earlier tomorrow Monday afternoon to start with the large panes of glass at the front because they’re the obvious ones everybody sees as they come and go.

I also don’t really want it to be too hot because the water will dry on the window before I can squeegee it off – which is bad.

Friday, 20th December 2019

Now I’m starting to get obsessed with my job, which probably isn’t a terrible thing and I’ve got nothing else to obsess about so why not.

It’s not the actual cleaning I’m obsessed with though – a trained monkey could easily do the work – but squeezing as much out of the job as possible.

My supervisor has offered me Lawson Primary School as a permanent site but allowing me to remain casual and with the casual rate that site will stack up to almost $700/week for only 22.5 hours of work.

That’s nearly a full-time wage for only part-time hours which is an excellent deal but I need over $1,000/week to, well just because.

Now Lawson will only require me to do a single 4.5 hour shift each morning and he is going to simply fuck off the cleaner who’s currently doing and morning shift and let me take over but I’m thinking 5 hours per day is what I want to bump the pay up to $750/week and then I’ll need a similar deal with a smaller site to crack that $2,000/fortnight mark and actually, Kevin’s shitty little medical centre would fill that gap nicely, but only if he’d dies on the operating table because though he’d generally useless and moves slow as a turtle, the medical centre isn’t filthy – just not as clean as it is be for the time he’s got each day – it’s mostly the dust and windows at the medical centre that’re issues but those are both really obvious failures.

Fingers crossed though – there’s two surgeries he’s having while he’s away so twice the chance something terrible will go wrong *cough* and given he’s in his 60s and riddled with illness, mm – like a Komodo Dragon all I probably have to do is wait until he falls over then snatch the keys out his twitching hand.

Yes, only days ago I stated I don’t want a shitty 2.5 hour site like the medical centre, but if I’m doing 5 hours every morning at the primary school, then a shorter afternoon shift is all I’ll need.

Calculator tells me the numbers would work very nicely indeed: if Kevin ah vanished, that’d make payday $2,250 – every fortnight, permanently, for only 37.5 hours a week at local sites – which is 2.5 hours less than any full-time permanent cleaners get only $1,500/fortnight for.

Sure I don’t get sick leave or annual leave staying casual, but live I’ve said already I haven’t been sick in the five years I’ve lived in the mountains and accumulating long-service leave will only encourage me to quit one day with the shits because I have I’ll have several thousand dollars waiting for me.

I still get superannuation and that’s the only bonus money I care about accruing anyhoo.

That’s yeah ~$66,000/year: more than these librarians get for acting like stuck-up arseholed simply for putting books back on shelves all day 😜

Can’t imagine how fucking fit I’ll be again doing those sites every day, too 🙂

I’m getting slightly ahead of myself with Katoomba Healthcare Center since that little cockroach isn’t actually dead yet but he’s on his way and Lawson Primary is already in the bag – a done deal, long as he agrees to the 0.5 hour a day increase in time I’ll tell him I’ll need if I wants to place to get clean and stay clean and I’m quite sure he’ll agree because he really needs the site fixed or he wouldn’t be offering to boot the current cleaner and hand the site over to me.

I’ll be able to pay someone to stalk Kevin and brick him to death soon – in his 60s he’s only pushing shit up-hill anyway: fighting biology until death.

How will can I afford merino socks AND underwear?

Poor Old-Brian. Glad I’m not him.

8:40 PM

Flied lice faw dimmer.

I should grab a drink while I’m here actually: foresight, since I know how greasy and salty the rice will be.

There’s a new fire now that’s “Out of control” and actually up on top of the cliff-line, yet there’s less smoke than there’s been for days and a cool breeze blowing tonight.

The girl who served me at Woolies earlier asked if I was from Blackheath and warned me to hurry home if I am before they close the highway on me.

Very sweet of her ❤

Finally I am home and ended-up staying an hour overtime because I did a few windows plus some cobwebs outside then vacuumed-up another dozen or so spiders and their webs from the roof inside while I was doing the floor.

One of the chicks who works there came out while I was washing the glass on the front door too – at around 5:30 – to tell me she needed to stay back late to finish ‘care plans’ for her patients before going on leave.

Like almost all staff in every government building, she doesn’t have the alarm code to arm the healthcare centre but I told her it’s fine and that I wouldn’t be leaving until about 7:30 or 8:00 so plenty of time yet.

She said she’d stay as long as I do and just leave when I’m ready to lock-up and seemed to imply she had a lot of paperwork to get done, which is why I vacuumed the spiders inside and took my time with multiple smoke breaks – to give her enough time to finish whatever she was doing and I think she did.

The ice-head junkie couple on the bottom floor are arguing about something – for once it’s not loud enough to be able to hear what it’s actually about – but while they’re doubtlessly abusing each other over their own drug-induced poverty, I’ve got special fried rice, two cans of different soft drinks, HEAPS of my favourite tobacco, money in the bank, another $1,300+ payday coming just the other side of the weekend and thousands of dollars headed my way 🤑

I even have a plastic fork I don’t need to wash when I’ve finished my dinner 😛

Saturday, 21st December 2019

What I don’t have is air-conditioning and though it’s not 39°C like the weather forecast, it’s still pretty warm and there’s still another two hours until the hottest time of day.

Feels like about 30°C at the moment.

All raspberry jellybeans – genius!

Fortunately all the places I’m going today have air-con (the bus; the train; the supermarkets; the library; the bus again) so we’ll just spend a while in town until boredom becomes more annoying than the heat before heading home.

I’ve gotta decide what I want to dinner then shop anyway and I priced merino socks and underwear yesterday: $45 for boxers and $19 for the thinnest socks at Macpac: I specify thinnest socks not because thick ones are too expensive but because I want thin socks because they handwash much easier and dry much faster than thicker socks so I abandoned the Holeproof Explorers I’ve historically loved weeks ago which favour of thinner business socks just because they’re easier to get clean 👍

Sure, both the socks and underwear are pricey, but imagine how comfortable my nutsack will be against a film of refined sheep fuzz.

I might start bleating.

The socks too, though I gotta say my feet already got a $300 upgrade a week ago so they’re quite alright but I’ll buy at least one pair of the socks just for that feeling of completeness at having 100% merino undergarments 🐏

The library just suddenly shut about an hour ago for no apparent reason, so I went shopping and grabbed a bottle of this while I was there.

Now I’m back I’ve got all my merino in the sink soaking themselves full of eucalypty goodness.. and wow, I didn’t figure they’d have gotten dirty enough to discolour the water at all – I only washed them two days ago geesh..

I’ve been pretty happy just using soap mind you – though it takes longer to work the soap into the water – until the cute brunette with the pony tail at Macpac told me I should not be using soap and definitely not dishwashing liquid for merino, but a wool specific solution.

Since she didn’t try to plug any specific brand and also because merino clothing isn’t cheap, I have taken her advice to maximize their lifespans 😏

Course it’s also much faster and easier to just pour liquid into the water than rub soap in, but I wasn’t about to buy one laundry liquid for the merino plus a separate bottle for everything else so I’ll use that for everything and I’m about to clean the dirt and potting mix outta the bathtub so I can use that to wash my pants properly because the sink is fine for shirts, socks and underwear but it’s too small for trousers: I cannot agitate the pants in the sink because they barely fit even pressed down into the water.

Not only is there room left in the tub for a third pair of pants easily, but I’ve increased my washing capacity to allow for two loads simultaneously – the merino’s still in the sink soaking.

And to save me having to lean down over them and use my hands I’ll just walk on them: the same way they used to squash grapes to make wine.. that should work fine and prevent back strain 🤔

The bathtub works shockingly better and the only proof we need is yeah WOW.. the photo..

I was about to say I’m not sure whether it’s the bathtub or using ‘proper’ laundry liquid that’s mostly responsible for so much dirt coming out of the pants, then realized it’s the tub: though the merino discoloured the sink water slightly, it was nothing like the bath because there’s plenty of water and plenty of room to agitate the shirts in the sink since they’re all much thinner fabric, while yeah whatever that’s fucking wow .. so much filth in those pants..

Can’t wait to see them dry – I thought they were pretty clean before 😳

6:27 PM

Oops – I forgot I’m meant to be all worried and shit about the catastrophic bushfires completely surrounding Katoomba!

Luckily I’ve got the RFS app on my phone to include me in the mass hysteria..

Course I’m not hysterical for some reason.. mm, oh right: I live in the middle of town in a double-brick slab of ugly that’s fireproof and there’s no pretty backyard or trees surrounding me – just a hideous government housing ghetto so there’s nothing close that can even feed a fire.

Oh my mother is reminding me I’m meant to be worried now too and says she’s just got the southerly change on the coast, so it should be here pretty soon.

Can’t fucking WAIT – it’s stinking hot and sticky so any cool wind will be excellent 😎

The fire spread prediction map certainly looks dramatic.. like a tidal wave of flame actually, though you can see there’s too much developed real-estate along the highway for the the town itself to burn.

I guess smoke could kill me if the fire ramps up enough to reaaally fill the town with the stuff, though it’s been smokier than this in the past two weeks regularly and I’ve not even felt the need to wear one those stupid paper masks like so many snowflakes around the place have taken to wearing – some clowns will do anything for attention.

Ooooh oh oh – I can HEAR the southerly change coming!!

Finally some cool air! 🌬

🔥🔥🔥 Burn baby burn! 🔥🔥🔥

You can almost hear the native animals making little squeaky sounds before they POP like corn.

Just don’t asphyxiate me in my sleep, that’d suck.

I’ve got party pies for dinner – radical change from the sausage rolls – but it’s still too hot to have the oven on fuckit..

Soon.. 🥧

11:20 PM

I bought this today too: a physical diary to physically write private things that’re only accessible to eyeballs physically there to read them..

The “shadow” diary.

I’ve already added today’s entry and can write truly private thoughts parallel to the public ones – all dated and time-stamped to shadow the site: though they’ll be much shorter entries there’ll be no audience for the physical diary, so I can be absolutely honest without having to try and illicit any reaction from anyone.

Sunday, 22nd December 2019

11:57 AM

15°C with a top of 21°C today.

Beautiful weather, after days of horrid, sticky heat and there’s hardly any smoke relative to how it’s been lately – just overcast and actually looking like it might finally rain at some point.

I’m listening to an episode about the Medusa Nebula, which has me looking at photos of other nebulae.. They’re very attractive if not spooky looking..

The dumbell nebula
Horse head nebula

Monday, 23rd December 2019

It rained last night or at least everything was wet when I woke-up at about 8:00 PM and though that’s cooled the place down significantly, it’s also created a thick blanket of steam and a not more smoke that’s just sitting over the down.

Even *I* an growing tired of the smoke and for some reason even *I* an aware of it going in my lungs today – I think it’s the steam or water content in the smoke and it still looks overcast even now.

I was going to stay in town until work starts but man, that’s .. even if I go in an hour earlier to wash some windows that’s still a full two hours I’ll have to wait around with Brian and he’s already boring me since we’ve talked about the fire and smoke.

There’s a woman here who looks like she’s from Leura and invited herself to the conversation earlier, now she’s right behind me spending suspiciously long looking at books right behind my chair within that one meter body-space and I don’t mind – that’s as close as she’ll get.

She even bumped my chair once or twice when I returned to talking to Brian so she’s making it pretty clear she wants to fuck me – or rob me of my merino.

Too bad.

8:05 PM

I walked into some chick who works at the medical center full speed this afternoon with my elbow.

They’ve got this really dangerous “T” intersection in the hallway there and I almost walked right into someone else the last week and though there’s one of those dome mirrors on the wall yeah who uses a mirror to walk inside a building?

I’d got there half an hour early so I could clean some windows first and washed all the front ones before I’ve checked the time – seen it was 5:10 PM – and decided I’d better go inside and start the actual cleaning.

I unlock the side door, go to the cleaner’s cupboard to grab a few new garbage bags then head down the hall to the far end of the building to start with the bins in the offices at the end and – figuring the building must be pretty much empty since I saw a bunch of the staff file-out the front door – I’ve hurried down the back but didn’t get more than five steps before I’ve turned the corner and slammed right into one the girls who was apparently in a hurry herself to get out and go home.

Well, when I say “slammed” I mean I would have slammed into her except for the fact I was trying to sweep the hair off my forehead so my elbow was up and that slammed full force into the dimple between her left shoulder and collarbone and instantly she’s just SCREAMED out in pain or shock or whatever as I’ve instantly said “FUCK! ARE YOU OKAY? SORRY SHIT SORRY!!”

Felt her breath on my face she was so close.

She’s stopped screaming, backed-up a step and furrowed her eyebrows for a second as she’s reached up and rubbed the point where my elbow hit her then looked up at me and said, ‘I’m okay.. I’m tough.’ then followed with a little ‘ow’ while I’ve already dropped my own shoulders to the kind of slumped posture that demonstrates I’m about to start begging forgiveness and repeated the apology “SHIT! SORRY!”

‘No, I’m sorry I screamed im your face..’

“Nooo no *I’m* sorry I injured you 😖”

‘It’s okay’

“Noo it must’ve hurt!”

‘Sorry for screaming.’

“Scared the shit outta me!”


Then she told me her name and introduced herself and I told her mine, still apologizing for ramming into her like that before wishing her a good weekend and that her shoulder doesn’t hurt too much later.

“Oh wait, it’s Monday..”

‘Yes, Monday. Happy Christmas 😏’

“Yeah, happy christmas and sorry about that 😕”

Gorgeous too – short, light brown hair cut in a bob, perfect bodyweight, fit legs, naturally clear skin and eyes and not dressed slutty at all: just a thin jumper and form fitting jeans.

I’ll have to slow down approaching that T intersection though: that’s the one near collision and one actuall collision in one week.

Christmas Eve, December 2019

As well as the sickly sweet Mickey Mouse card I transferred $100 to my mother’s account this morning and christmas, so there’s my holiday gift-giving accounted for and of course she was pretty happy with that.

Now to buy myself a merry christmas..

3:45 PM

Right I’m finally back – Penrith is fucking insane.

As well as 2 × merino boxers and another 1 × merino long sleeve top plus a LARGE bottle of my favorite aftershave – which was on special for $119 which is only $19 more than I think I paid for the small bottle last time, I went to look at fitbits, found they had a new model then spontaneously changed my mind and bought a proper, more full featured toy instead..

Samsung Galaxy Watch

Not only is it more feature rich than a fitbit it actually looks and feels like a watch, instead of a cheap plastic peice of shit and has a stainless steel body plus the circular bezel that the edge scrolls menus etcetera and a magnetic wireless charging dock as illustrated above so there’s none of that bullshit of having to pop the watch-face out and clip it inside a charger like with a fitbit.

I gotta get ready for work, I’m in a hurry.

Christmas Day, December 2019

Good thing I went out and bought myself a christmas day that would’ve been miserable except for the retail therapy which really did save me from caring about spending the day alone.

Heart rate measured every 10 minutes automatically.

The watch shits on the fitbit and still tracks all your activity and nags you if you’re inactive for an hour or so, still gives you slick looking graphs of all your stats over time and still tracks your sleep length, quality etcetera but has wifi as well as bluetooth and a GPS chip and does so much more than the fitbit – I’m glad I changed my mind and went with the smart watch instead.

Last night’s sleep pattern

You still get achievements for breaking targets etcetera and can take screenshots from the watch the same as you can your phone of course though this doesn’t really get exciting until you’ve worn the device a while and start seeing stats over time.

Boxing Day, December 2019

Is there such a thing as too much merino?

I don’t think there is and if you doubt its sexiness, just google “properties of merino” – it wicks moisture and sweat just as well as cotton if not better but doesn’t absorb the smells cotton does because of the natural anti-bacterial properties of the fabric itself, it’s thinner than cotton, just as cool in summer and warmer in winter – it even holds its shape better for longer.

I honestly only went there for the merino socks, then discovered they were reduced more than I thought so grabbed another merino top, then saw how much less that was than I expected so grabbed another two pairs of merino socks and left, then turned around twenty meters down the street and went back to buy another pair of merino long johns.

Still I considered another top but controlled myself.

I’m sure I’ve the equivalent of a whole merino sheep in garments now and those merino boxers really are ridiculously comfortable.

Should’ve grabbed more of them.

And here’s the average results of an average visit to town walking up and down the street just once to visit a few shops..

4,086 steps over 2.84 kilometers and I’ve no idea what that 68 shit’s a measurement of because it can’t possibly be 68 floors.

8:20 PM

With continuous heart-rate monitoring on and after several days of measuring every 10 minutes, apparently I’ve a resting heart-rate of 88bpm..

Like a greyhound: even doing nothing at all I’m still doing more than the majority of lazy pieces of shit society bulges with and like a greyhound, I can go from idle to flat-out, instantly.

While so, so many others in my age group drag their frumpy carcass through another day just waiting for their chance to sit on their mushy arse, I don’t feel like I’ve even woken up until I start dripping sweat and get more charged as the day goes on while others just get more tired and worn-out 🙂

A greyhound, in sheeps clothing 😏

I just watched a four corners episode – “Women in prison”: three swamp donkeys so ugly you wouldn’t touch them with a pole and 49 minutes of my life I’ll never get back is what that shit was, about the kind of human waste that think one term in prison isn’t enough so are retarded to the point they go back again and again and again and agaaaaain like, just how fucking dumb do you have to be?

Oh they’ve all got their excuses for why they turned out to be such fuckups, but all those excuses demonstrate is what fucking idiots they are.


Like Andy from the Shawshank Redemption said to that career-fuckup: if you’re always in jail, maybe you’re just not a very good criminal.

My watch is fully charged – I can finally go to bed and stop watching this bleeding heart lefty bullshit on iview.


Oh I should eat those last two sausage rolls that’ve been unrefrigerated since yesterday.

I’m pretty sure there’s not enough actual meat in them to induce food poisoning so we’ll give ’em a bash.

Friday, 27th December 2019

The sausage rolls were just fine.

This fuckin’ train replacement bullshit makes getting from town to town such a pain in the arse: it’s free travel sure, but the buses never arrive completely on their own schedule that’s nothing to do with the train timetable.

1:10 PM

Incidentally: there’s how my stress level has decreased since christmas eve: the last time I had a thought loop about that walking letdown.

9:19 PM

That chick I accidentally elbowed the other day told me her shoulder’s fine this afternoon and asked whether I had any injuries, which would be impossible considering the difference in hardness between my elbow and her skin, though I told her I still feel bad about it.

And here’s where the watch starts to get interesting: it’ll be several images in a row – which I hate doing for layout and aesthetic reasons – but writing about statistics would be stupid when there’s screenshots..

Animated achievement badges!


My global ranking among all other watch wearers.


The walk home.


Saturday, 28th December 2019

I wanna finish yesterday by pointing out the finer points of the stats but I’m busy packing and sorting and washing clothes and generally starting on preparing to leave.

Not to be concerned with leaving the place all clean and lovely of course: contracted cleaners have to clean every unit when anyone moves out anyway and given this’s is government housing, those cleaners will invoice the government top dollar for their services so I don’t give a shit about that – but because I’ve spent over a year here just shoving things in drawers and cupboards in no particular order, so things I definitely wouldn’t wanna leave behind are stuffed away everywhere and I’ve gotta make sure I’ve got everything that’s currently important to me packed and organized before I start looking for another place.

Two large and one small moving boxes, I want to reduce my possessions to and I’ll probably struggle to fill even those if I contemplate how little I’ve got I actually wanna keep.

Everything I don’t want will be left for the cleaners to bin; including the piano, the TV, most of the vaporizer shit and whatever clothes I don’t wear anymore so I’m currently sifting through all the clothes I own, picking out the ones I want then washing them to be added to a box once they’re dry.

Like a snake shedding again: discarding the past five years, regardless how valuable any of it was to me while I was in that particular skin it’s all just dusty, old, dried-up shit that catches on things and weights me down now, so I’m more than happy – eager in fact – to leave it behind.

Monday, 30th December 2019

Even after a week with only one shift every few days – just walking around town and pacing while I’m stationary – I’ve left the average fatties for dead..

Can’t wait to see the results when I start doing two shifts a day 😉

Saw Julie’s dad today.

Well more than saw, he stopped and offered me a lift into town while I was waiting for the bus and I told him there was only a minute or two until the 686 pulls-in, but it’d be rude of me to decline the offer.

Where’s Julie – I got along quite well with her the one day a week she was at the nursery while I was *gloomy voice* unemployed.

Now I’m employed I could easily afford to rent one of her rooms if she’s wanting both extra money from rent and someone else there other than a dog for company 😏

Both slightly negatively slanted personalities; both reserved; both quiet enough to not grate the one another and if she’s still depressed she could probably use someone who’ll mow the lawn and fix things around the house.

We could cohabit very smoothly I think.

Thought it was new year’s eve today for some reason until I encountered Takeli from the food bank outside Coles and – drawing a blank on anything interesting to say – checked with her that tomorrow is actually new year’s eve which means I’ve gotta work this afternoon 🙁

She’d told me that was the second time she’d bumped into me today but I must’ve been too distracted by my own reflection in shop windows to notice the first time.

We all know the majority of people in contemporary society are overweight and lazy so don’t move a whole lot, so ranking higher than the average isn’t hard to do, but getting in the top 5% should be more of a challenge but maybe easier than I’d expect: if a trip into town to do shopping plus a 2.5 hour afternoon work shift consistently bumps me over 15,000 steps, then doing a 4.5 hour morning and afternoon shift plus the town shopping thing will easily get me over the 25,000 mark.

How many people do over 25,000 steps in an average work day, these days?

Not many I’d bet since more and more jobs are done behind a desk or in a retail store behind a counter selling shit.

New Year’s day, January 2020

I’ve just started my new year’s giving a statement to police who were camped out front of the units after one of our beloved indigenous ‘first Australians’ spent anot an hour breaking windows of the drug dealer im the bottom floor at the front.


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