Hope that’s summer done!

Saturday, 1st February 2020

It’s too hot to write and I’ve got a train to be on in half an hour so I’m doing nothing but absorbing the cool of the library while I wait to walk through several minutes of disgusting heat to wait for the air-conditioned train to Lawson before I spend another few minutes in the disgusting heat – waiting for the train back.

Gimme winter anyday – this bullshit sucks; hot as it’s been though my fountain-pen hasn’t leaked so much as a drop of ink even with the added warmth of being pressed against my waist all day, every day.

Good pen that.

Oh right it’s a new month.

Better start a new post for the month then CTRL+X this into it.

2:57 PM

I’m just sitting here playing Call of Duty on my phone which isn’t helping it to charge any faster but whatever, when I feel something itchy inside my sleeve just on the inside of the soft bit of skin inside my elbow.

I scratch it, but there’s still an itch so I scratch it again and feel a little lump under the fabric of my shirt.

Just assuming it’s a bug I start rolling my sleeve up to get this itchy lumpy thing out and out it comes …

You believe that shit? A spider right up inside my sleeve?

Didn’t even bite me when I was rubbing it against my skin to scratch it, so I fingered it onto my hand and took it outside then dropped it on the ground.

Good thing the sucker wasn’t a white-tail instead of just some non-descript brown spider, but I’ve no idea how it got halfway up my arm on the inside of my shirt; or how I didn’t notice it until now.

5:17 PM

Home finally and though I’m still not exactly out of the heat since there’s no air-con or even fans, at least I don’t have to do anything and without exercise my heartrate and body temperature is lower so I don’t sweat.

Incidentally, I’ve already used a full cartridge worth of ink in the featured fountain-pen and need to refill it to continue writing which I’m about to do because I’ve got hand-written updates to physically write in my physical book.

I would love to give my next other-half a high-quality lined notebook and fountain-pen of her own to write to me in: once the book is full we could swap and I’d give her the book I’d filled with things I’d written for her πŸ™‚

Great gift idea for a woman who appreciates something personally created opposed to the thoughtless crap anybody can simply buy from a shop and call a gift.

Brilliant gift idea, matter of fact.

Anyway I’ve got a full night to humiliate lesser players in Call of Duty and don’t have to be awake at 2:00 AM tomorrow so that’s what I’ll be doing the rest of the night – once I’ve updated my book with todays personal thoughts.

12:34 AM

Goddamn controller – my batteries ran flat.

I really do hope I live to see the day when those dorky scientists finally find a way for low-voltage devices to become ultra-low-voltage devices that can self-charge through the micro-current our bodies generate.

Honestly, you’d think they’d have fuckin’ got around to doing that long ago: they managed to make computers that once filled an entire room the size of a match-head in just two decades, yet devices with power-requirements proportionally parallel to those CPU advances seem to have eluded the scientific community?

It’ll happen eventually of course and when it does; phones, tablets, watches, game controllers and other small to hand-held electronic products will no longer require charging – they’ll simply absorb electricity through personal contact and the ultra-low current that’s constantly flowing through each of us.

Why do we still need to plug everything into a 240V wall socket anyway? Surely since they have nano-technology in so many electronics nowadays they could find a way to employ nano power-requirements to suit.

Seems common sense to me yet every tiny little device we have still needs to be plugged into honking, prehistoric A/C wall sockets.

It’s uncanny the number of times I check the time and it’s smack-on that perfectly ascending series of numbers: 1, 2, 3 and 4.


Sunday, 2nd February 2020

5:11 PM

I’ve gotta go to bed early again tonight, so I don’t have much time to fluff around and where I’d usually rather play CoD until bed since I haven’t played any kind of game in forever, I got my dose of gaming at the library today where I did nothing but play the game with headphones and their wifi isn’t bad for that: I still snatched Most Valuable Player and my team won some 80% of matches though it was a little laggy here and there.

Beats the shit out of being one of those weird old men that go in the library just to power-read every newspaper the library has every day and I’ll never understand ‘old people’: flick, flick. FLICK FLICK FLICK they go through every page of the paper like they’ve just GOTTA read EVERY square inch of print when a one hour news update on TV or iview or even a radio would catch them up on daily events more efficiently and of all the rubbish to be reading for hours every day, the fuckin’ newspapers yeah just really get a fucking hobby you old farts.

Right now I’m hungry and sweaty so I’ll eat, wash myself and tomorrows under-layers while I contemplate what to write here when I’m done with all that.

I can say with no thought at all that there’s yet another townfull of smoke outside that’s crept in only in the past hour or so, which is strange given there’s no local fires on the RFS app and whatever new fires there are in the southeast seem too far away to make Katoomba this thick with smoke – at least not this quickly – yet you can smell the freshly burnt leaves so wherever the fire’s at, it’s very close.

I’ll assume there’s another local flare-up that’s just not been listed on the app yet or they’re backburning – if there’s anything left to backburn.

And my god finally, the weather is forecast to cool a bit over the next few days, though only by a drop of a few degrees each day so it’s not a nice, sudden, refreshing cold-snap but fuck me dead anything is better than themid-thirties and higher – day in, day out.


I saw the red-head too again today but only as she walked past a few minutes before the library was due to close so I’ll write about her when I come back because she’s something else that woman: endlessly fascinating how a person can be in a public place like that every single day – even weekends – and never, ever talk to anybody at all unless they directly ask her a question and right afterwards her lips are sealed again for the rest of the day!

If I knew what she was actually doing there with all her various paperwork spread out next to her laptop I’d probably find it a lot less mysterious, but I don’t know: I mean I could hazard a guess and assume she’s a freelance accountant or some similar occupation and she’s just working anywhere she likes, but the question would remain – why does she always choose the library to do her work? Isn’t it distracting – what with all the kids and the librarians always jabbering-on and the old-men rustling newspapers?

Doesn’t she ever feel like just staying home and sitting on her back verandah with her laptop instead?

Evidently not: since the time I was homeless and in the library every day, she was in there daily and if I go in the library on any given day now, she’ll still be in there every day with her laptop.

She leaves for lunch, I think, and I used to think she was leaving because of the old men talking to loudly giving her the shits until I saw that approximately an hour later, in she’d walk and over to the same chair she was in earlier to open-up that laptop again.


And don’t get me wrong none of the above is any kind of criticism: this woman is exquisite and her presence only improves the visual aesthetic of the place.

I’m just curious πŸ€”

Woowoo! It’s pissing down! The wind is actually cool instead of hot for a change!!

I’m adding titles to the images in the new lifetime album’s /photography/ section and have started arranging them in a halfway sensible way: Albums are labelled simply by location rather than subject matter and Events like the Rainforest Journals and the Homeless Year have been added as categories.

This makes much more sense and makes organizing the images much more straght-forward because well, the Rainforest Journals – for example – wasn’t just all in the rainforest; there’re plenty of photos from that time from in town, from the rainforest, from the eucalypt forest further in the Jamison Valley and there’s photos of all sorts of shit from the Homeless Year that’s not all located in town or all related to the homeless itself.

So adding these periods of time as categories means that whether I’ve got photos from the valley or town or Blackheath or Katoomba library those photos are in albums acording to their location, but the category for the Rainforest Journals tags ALL photos from that period in time regardless where they were taken or what the subject matter of the photo is.

Photography – similarly – isn’t an album but a category I add my best photos to so it doesn’t matter which album a photo comes from; if it’s a beautiful image that’s composed well and looks like a perfectly captured subject I add it to this category.

I know what I’m talking about anyway.

Nope, no more writing I’m going to bed while I’m feeling the yawns about to come on so I don’t get stuck awake without enough time to sleep.

Monday, 3rd January 2020

Supervisor calls this morning, first while I was on the train to tell me to text the ipad Nazi (who did indeed ask whether I had my bar-code with me for said ipad, but I told him I had no idea where it is which is true since I lost it weeks ago) to tell him I’m coming, which I did.

He then rings again while I’m at Blaxland High to complain about my cleaning at Winmalee.

I’d complain too quite honestly, I was lazy as shit the three days I was there and he’s blabla’ing about how dusty everything is and bla bla give you all those hours and bla bluh bla.

I told him “Of course there’s dust everywhere – the whole school is filthy: grounds, classrooms, toilets; everything!” and that nothing I did there is even noticeable because there’s so much filth all over everything.

‘You want me send photo of dust?’

“Nah I’ll take your word for it bro”

Then he’s asking me why my quality is down when I usually ‘crush’ it and I told him there’s no way to “crush” an entire school that’s so dirty you don’t even know where to start.

The cleaners where nice in Blaxland High as usual though: I didn’t get there until 5:00 AM and told Ipad-nazi the first thing I’m doing is sculling a coffee because “I’ve gotta stack the caffeine to speed myself up”, which is bullshit but gave my heart-rate a chance to settle after the 20 minute walk and yeah my watch recorded the walk as a ‘workout’ automatically, which surprised me – I swear it usually takes me only ten minutes to walk from the station to the high-school.

On the walk to Katoomba station at 3:30 this morning my heart-rate peaked as high as 205 bpm: the highest I’ve seen it since I had the watch.

I need a photo for the day. Oh right, that dumb flower I took on the way here …

So very bland, I needed to black & white the sucker to give the illusion it’s better than it really is: a common as shit yellow flower on a common as dirt shrub outside an average tourist trap you wouldn’t even look twice at if you lived here because it’s as ordinary as all the other shitfuck little tourist traps littering the town.

Tell you what’s not common as dogshit: that red-head at the library.


6:02 PM

Oops – I left my browser windows open at WISE Employment when I left an hour ago – I logged-out of course, but usually I close everything too before leaving mm.

I gotta wash and get changed and ready for work in the morning anyhoo.

Mmm an unknown number just called me.

I never answer those: normal people start with a text – they don’t ring and just hope you answer – which indicates to me it’s a spam caller or someone calling about a bill I haven’t paid and neither are anything I want to answer to.

Now, time for this …

Tuesday, 4th February 2020

4:02 AM

Though I only got 3.5 hours sleep last night, it’ll be enough to get me through the morning at least and I cannot describe how amazing it is to finally have a morning where I can walk to the station without sweating by the time I get there: 12Β°C it is right now and perfectly comfortable in the hippie-orange 220gm merino top, boxers and long johns …

Again, I’ll just scull a coffee when I get to Blaxland High and I’ve only got 2.5 hours actual work for the four I’ve been allocated so it’ll be pretty relaxed again: the small school library, a normal sized computer room and a tiny printing office – literally just bins, wiping desks and a vacuuming is all I gotta do when covering Angela’s shiftπŸ‘

Apparently Angela has a skin-cancer on her head she’s getting cut out.

I’ve gotta go cook my chicken strips now, -for the chicken burgers I’m having for dinner – be back after.

Wednesday, 5th January 2020

Mmm so I didn’t be back later, instead I went to bed and got a solid seven hours before waking-up half an hour late and missing the train which made me about an hour late for work which is alright – I still got all my allocated work done by 7:00 AM with over an hour to kill waiting for a lift to Blaxland station.

Payday means I can go buy things, but I’m still kinda tired – it’s all that fucking with travel and not getting enough regular sleep and eating garbage, though I might feel more energized once I’m back in town and gulped a few coffees.

I should make a point of ‘crushing’ it tomorrow – one day of working hard opposed to hardly working can’t be a bad thing, but see it just depends on how much sleep I get and whether I’m in the mood, which I’m usually not.

More often than not I’m in the mood to do as little as I need to do in order to make the place look like it’s been cleaned and this morning – rather than wipe-down all the desks – I only wiped the teachers desks then just vacuumed the ones the students use.

Little shortcuts like that keep staff-members happy and save me a lot of effort and who gives a shit what the students think, really?

They’re teenagers – the only reason they’ve even got clean clothes on their backs is their mums wash everything for them and if you left them to keep themselves clean they’d all look like death and smell twice as bad.

I got red jelly beans – god they’re awesome.

1:28 PM

You see, nobody wants to read about this shit: nobody wants to know when you’re having a pretty good time because people are arseholes who only want to read about other people’s misery – either so they can snicker to themselves or just to confirm somebody else is having less fun than they are.

Sadly there’s nothing making me miserable and no major implosion going on internally so there’s nothing much to bitch or complain about and you might have to resort to reading a newspaper if you wanna make yourself feel good based on other people’s misery.

There’s no shortage of pressing issues to deal with, but I’ve grown pretty good at ignoring things that should stress me out.

Anyway the fact I’m still writing proves it’s become a compulsive habitual behavior for me to update the site; even when there’s nothing much to say and nobody at all to say it to I just keep on writing regardless because I’ve been doing it so long now it’s just a part of my daily routine: something to fill-in the unbusy moments.

Still, I won’t be writing anything punchy until I’ve got someone to write punchily for and to, but I may as well keep dribbling shit while I’m waiting, right?


Thursday, 6th February 2020

11:35 AM

Another purchase was an Energizer 2.5 Amp USB wall charger with two sockets, because I have no fuckin’ idea where all my cords and plugs vanished to but I’ve only been able to leech half as much juice for my lithium ion 20,000mAh battery packs with the one cord and one plug I’ve had recently, so I coughed-up the $20 for the 2.5 Amp plug, then was about to pay $10 for another Micro-USB charging cord when I remembered seeing the much fancier USB cables half price at Woolies.

For only $5 more than the shitty black plastic ones, these have a wound covering of stainless steel that’s remarkable not only for what it’s advertised to do which is toughen the cord so it’s apparently unbreakable, it also adds significant weight to the whole product and makes it somehow softer and without that horrible “memory” new plastic cords of all kinds have; where they take ages to loosen themselves out of the coiled form they take on from being wound-up in there packaging for however long they’re in-store before you take them home and unwind them finally.

These cables are so loose and floppy immediately they’re amazing – they cannot tangle and the steel wrapping around the outside isn’t hard at all it’s fully flexible – I highly recommend grabbing some if you’re in need of new ones and though I wouldn’t be so thrilled to pay $60 for two of the suckers, half price means they were only well – half that.

Being 1.2 meters too, they’re quite long compared to most USB cables that come bundled with devices the days and though they won’t tangle they’re still malleable and soft enough for me to roll-up and drop in my pocket.

Most importantly I can now charge both my power packs (40,000mAh in total) with just a single power point: soon as I get to work (or anywhere else I’m going to be for a few hours) I plug them in to suck-up power and get double the electricity I’ve been able to store since I lost my other charger – the slickness of the two cables is just a nice bonus …

12:33 PM

The red-head’s arrived!

She just walked in and sat behind me.

She is always dressed flawlessly and that hair: never a strand out of place in that perfect bob cut πŸ™‚

Beautiful woman.

I glimpsed a page a bit ago with the heading “Philosophy” printed at the top of the page – maybe she’s studying?

Geez …

I dunno!

I don’t know anything about what she’s always doing on that computer and I can’t just ask: that’d interrupt her and make me look like a sleaze mm but certainly, if she’s studying psychology imagine what a subject I’d make for her …


~2:30 PM

Know what; I’ve got a genuinely private hand-written diary for all that so that is where I’ll put it.

She told me all about what’s so absorbing about her folder of paperwork though: suffice to say I bit off more than I could chew and underestimated just how complicated the subject she is indeed studying, well, is.

Friday, 7th February 2020

6:00 AM

Never have words so true been embossed into a coffee mug – hey, this is one of the library staff at the high schools’ coffee mug not mine …

Last night for dinner I made my own Fillet’o’fish burgers with brioche hamburger buns, tasty cheese and dill mayonnaise and I had to just squeeze in a quick note of that because they were remarkably good … wait, no, the photo didn’t turn out remarkably good and I’ll skip that but trust me they were great πŸ”

11:55 AM

Thank fuck that’s over for the week.

Blaxland is such a pain in the arse to get to and that setting my alarm for 2:15 AM every morning bullshit isn’t normal: I take consolation only from the fact that even if I was a permanent here in town I’d still be getting up at 3:00 AM which isn’t much earlier really, now is it.

Well, the money consoles me some – of course – but that’s a delayed consolidation.

~2:00 PM

So, I come in and she’s sitting at the far end of the table on her laptop as usual; talking to nobody, fully focused on the studying to be done.

The only chairs down that end of the table were either directly opposite or right next to her and sitting in either seemed a bit forward of me so I just sat where I usually do: in a chair at the other end of the table – the end closest the reception desk.

I’d already decided I’d buy her a coffee and further decided I wouldn’t even bother asking her to “have” coffee with me, but simply place it on the table next to her and tell her to continue with what she’s doing – I just figured I’d save her having to pack everything up to get her own coffee.

I was going to do the above, then return to my own chair and start playing a game while I drank my own coffee.

Perfect plan: I get to do something for her while I’m buying myself a coffee anyway; she gets a coffee and knows she doesn’t have to pack up or go sit in some awkward little cafe neck-deep in small talk or do anything she’s not already doing.

Didn’t do any of it though – I pussied-out and ended-up simply going off to get a coffee for myself only.

Just after I’d brought it back and sat down, she’s started packing up her laptop and paperwork then left.


Ten minutes later I catch a glimpse in my peripheral vision of someone sitting-down right behind me then glance to see who it is.

It’s her.

I ended-up asking her if she wanted a refill while I was going anyway, but she already had a coffee and told me she’d probably already had too much today, but thanked me anyway and when I told her I was going to offer to bring her coffee earlier but uh didn’t, she simply responded with an ‘Awww’


I don’t even know whether she’s patronizing me or consoling my clumsy attempts or honestly warmed by by those clumsy attempts.

I’ve gotta give her the site address and let her have it all at once: good, bad and ugly – she’ll either love me or hate me after that, but she’ll know exactly what I think.

About everything.

She is studying an advanced field of psychology after all and no stranger to the rainbow of emotions I regularly express.

Sunday, 9th February 2020

I’ve just looked back and found that I started updating the site regularly from mid-2014.

Goodness that’s a long time.

Of course a lot of those earlier posts – most posts up to the last few months of the Rainforest Journals actually – were so short compared to what gradually evolved to be the site as it is today, I would be hard pressed to call that writing: a few paragraphs per post is all there was until I got a better phone and a proper camera to take out there with me.

Starting next month I’m going to flip the order of writing so each days update will be inserted above the previous days – at the top of the page – to save all the scrolling.

If I had a super-fast shutter speed or even a real shutter at all that’s adjustable I could’ve got much more clarity in the splashing in the photo underneath this, but this is a parked car – that’s just how fast the water’s gushing down the street …

Now it’s teaming rain – has been for days and will be for another week by the forecast – I’ve told the bus driver, we call all switch from talking about how terrible the fires are, to talking about how terrible the flash flooding is.

Ridiculous: just yesterday I was telling one of the other cleaners at Blaxland that as nice as the break from the heat is I dunno how long it’ll take to get over the pelting rain.


Today is how long it’ll take.

At the very least we can stop talking about the fires and not have to smell the shit anymore and I’m someone who quite likes the smell of campfire smoke but having the entire town scented like that every day for weeks on end gets a bit much even for me.

Monday, 10th February 2020

I’m going to stop spending so much money on stuff and start adopting the mindset of someone who saves money.

Note I didn’t say I’d start actually saving money definitively, because how much money I get obviously varies so some weeks there just won’t be enough to save and I’m not about to spend the last few days without food or coffee or whatever if I’ve got the money to buy them.

I’m mildly annoyed with myself for still living where I am, when I swore I’d move around new year.

Not super annoyed.

Not annoyed enough to be angry at myself and everything I’ve bought since I started working again has been funneled into clothes and other upgrades to myself personally which was needed, but that’s taken care of now and last payday I was kind’ve hard-pressed to think of anything I really wanted to buy.

Well the down jacket – that was really the last pre-winter clothing purchase I wanted to make; the USB cords, the bluetooth headphones and whatever other crap I’ve just impulsively grabbed because I had the money weren’t really needed so I’ll stop doing that from now on.

Look at this bullshit: another hole in another new fucking shirt and I don’t even know it’s just moths now or whether macpac merino just rips like tissue these days.

That’s a really big hole for moths to create.

I’ve still not nuked my clothes and room with a bug bomb yet though so those little cunts are all dead when I get home today.

Spread my clothes all over the room and set off a bomb in there.

Fucking all over something as worthless as moths!

Oh yeah – you like reading about how moths are eating my clothes right?

Like writhing maggots, all of you: vapid, small-town idiots.

From the public servants who mince around the local library with a conceited enough attitude you’d think they were curators at the Louvre instead of the limited little room of redundant books they sort in their redundant jobs, to the clichΓ© single mums who act like they’re members of some kind of social elite simply because they’ve got more than the homeless drug-addicts and beggars groveling around the streets while being willfully ignorant to the fact that 50% of societies population are superior to them without even trying – in status, finances, appearance and intelligence.

Neck deep in the pretentious, this town is: a town where everybody’s fucked everyone on the sly and nobody’s got anything more pressing to do than see to their ordinary daily routines or gossip about people more interesting than themselves.

Again I don’t like the idea of spending the rest of my life in a shitty, incestuous little town like this – like everyone else who just came and ended-up here because they never got around to leaving – because unless you’re a tourist here in holidays, there’s really nothing much about the place that’s worth settling here forever when there’s so many other towns and places, well everywhere.

I’m bored with the place; bored of the people – sick of the same boring faces that hang around here.

That’s what I’ll do then since there’s nothing of interest to me here anymore and I’m not about to go live in the national park again so I’ll move to another town – at least I’ll get a change of faces and scenery.

Katoomba itself is just a geographic location: I don’t give a shit about it, let alone feel bound to it im any way.

And really, I can move as far as back to the Eastern Suburbs in Sydney itself and still keep my job: I’d just switch supervisor’s with whatever area I move to.

Better than staying just because it’s where I currently am.

Tuesday, 11th February 2020

7:05 AM

I’ve gotta clean the TAFE with that little cockroach this morning god he fucking sucks dick.

hen cover Rays’ afternoon shift ’cause the old fart’s having some operation – like the whole world of growing old and decrepit around me.

But Kevin yeah, Kevin’s a fucking idiot: bitching about his leg like an old woman and opening every room as slow as well, a 60-something year old geriatric.

And like always the fucker is dumb as a box of rocks and twice as lazy …

Waiting for Kevin to do anything is akin to watching mould ooze its way from the centre of a petri dish to the edges.

10:53 AM

I’m seeing so many gaunt, sickly thin old people hobbling around today it’s like a fucking zombie movie out here.

My knee is aching too though I’m not anorexic-looking rake-thin like all these other people.

8:43 PM

Oh yeah check out the wall of storm that loomed this afternoon around dinner-time …

I’m writing for MichΓ©le again, since she’s the only ex who’s always helped me and the only one who’s maintained some kind of connection.

Until there’s someone else to write to anyhow, but she also understands that’s how it goes: she told me to fuck off ultimately and had she not I’d probably still be there with her – for better or worse.

But she did and I’ve never gone back once something’s over so having to read about new women as they occur is just what happens once you’ve declared a relationship over but still wanna read my awesome, quality prose.

Wednesday, 12th February 2020

9:44 AM

Right so since I’m sitting in front of a computer and since the library isn’t open yet I figure on adding what I didn’t bother to yesterday, though I’m unsure I can honestly be any more bothered today it is a diary after all – so the inclusion or exclusion of details kind’ve matter.

As well as cleaning Katoomba TAFE for this week – because Ray is having the whole week off for whatever operation he’s having – I’ve also gotta do his shit at the high school and on 3 hours sleep the past two nights running, an 8 hour split shift workday is fuckin’ horrid.

Probably the sole benefit to being permanent at any site: you get a sleep routine.

I’m too tired to bother after all, because I’d planned to write out the dialog this morning where Kevin demanded to know where I was going at one point, I answered “A block.” but he’s persisted and asked ‘What for??’ as I’ve walked past heading for the door.

“None of your business dickhead.”

He’s called out, forbidding me to leave the site – seriously πŸ™‚

Forbade me πŸ™‚

I yell back “YOU’RE A JOKE KEVIN!” then go to Coles for iced coffee because.

If his ridiculous attempts to be authoritative weren’t cringe-worthy enough, his only opening a few rooms at a time – playing master of the key-ring – would be enough to make even the calmest of people angry because Kevin is the slowest motherfucker you will ever see: waiting for his manky old arse to to slowly drag it’s way through simple tasks drives me fucking mental, though I manage not to bite and simply pretend he isn’t there for the most part.

He’s got cataracts – he literally can’t see what it is he’s actually cleaning.

Anyway it’s not just me – nobody else can stand him either: all I needed to do is mention to the cleaners at the high school that I’m stuck with the little dickhead all week and they all groaned in sympathy for me.

Two more days …

Poor, poor Ray: every goddamn morning for 2.5 years now he’s had to go in there and try to work with this idiot.

Poooor Ray.

12:53 PM

You know I distinctly remember saying “NO cucumber”, yet the chick put cucumber on my beef and salad roll.

Ruined it!!

Actually it’s alright – though a bit watery for an already light-flavoured roll and though I used to dislike beetroot generally, I love it on a salad roll or sandwich now.

And real beetroot in soup.

Now I’ve got less than an hour to rack-up the headshots with my epic new rifle.

Gawd so tired

8:58 PM

As well as being the only woman who’s cared enough to engage me regardless whether she likes how I’m behaving or hates it she’s also the one responsible for planting the seed of thought for my even considering writing as a means of self-expression opposed to painting or drawing or whatever.

No woman I’ve been involved with since has been so interested and none have maintained a connection out of pure love or caring or concern the way Michele has: no dumbshit games; no deceptions; no sneaking off on romantic weekends with whatever ex-man wants to get laid – just genuine kindness; expressed because of genuine emotion that’s genuinely present and not a piss weak act.

Bedtime anyhow – look at the time again godamnit!


*Inherently interested.

Thursday, 13th February 2020

8:47 AM

I still am in disbelief at how much work Ray’s afternoon shift at the high school is and even more confounded by the fact I actually had enough time to finish it yesterday – even after wasting the first 45 minutes of the shift skulking around the school in circles searching for just one of my coworkers and on only the second shift.

No shit: I get there smack-on 2:00 PM, walk in through the office and into to the common room to sign-in then began looking for one of the half dozen cleaners who must’ve been hiding in their cupboards because they were nowhere to be found.

I even asked the teachers as I went: nope – one had seen Jackie about half an hour previous but hadn’t seen her since and Jackie is a full-on passive-aggressive, snarky-arsed bitch so I didn’t want to find her.

I don’t have Rays set of keys you see, so I need one odd the permanents to come and open his cleaning storeroom before I can start on the atrium; which was still full of kids when I got there and I can’t clean the toilets until 3:10 PM – when the bell rings – so I had no fuckin’ clue what I was meant to be doing with 2,000 students also skulking all around the school like free-range chickens, because yesterday was Wednesday and Wednesday it’s sports day so none of them are in classrooms but just wandering around as aimlessly as I was.

12:58 PM

Finally I saw the red-head again; after several days of my just assuming she’d gone to the back of the library to avoid having to say hello and seeya to me every time she sees me.

She’s done that ever since I talked to her a week or so ago, too – greeted me I mean.

Just walked-in and sat down opposite and gave me that warm, condescending “you’re dreaming” smile 😏

I left almost as she sat down and would’ve looked as though I was tripping over myself to get away as fast as possible at her arrival and though I was tripping over myself to get outta there it wasn’t anything related to her: I’ve gotta be at work at 2:00 PM and still had to get groceries before going home to drop my shit off before I leave for the high school – I’d played one game too many so I was ten minutes late as I was rolling USB cords and stuffing everything in my backpack.

Then she walked in and sat down opposite and gave me the warm, condescending “you’re dreaming” smile.

Just so we’re straight on the cause and effect dynamic at play there and that she’s not giving me the leper-treatment.

8:26 PM

Excellent afternoon shift – and here’s an untalented but endearing painting of a dog to commemorate the rarity of a non-boring shift among an ocean of boring ones …

For one thing, the swimming carnival’s on tomorrow so the high school will be empty from 9:00 AM onwards: this means all five of us will be going immediately to the high school once we’ve finished our respective morning sites so we’re all doing a straight eight hour shift from 4:00 to 12:00.

That’s meant we got to be lazier this afternoon and skip a few things: in my case the atrium and canteen and the other four cleaners all skipped sections themselves that’ll be done in the morning.

That meant there was much less sweating for me and more time for talking to teachers and co-workers and I met the principal, she was very nice.

But really, it’s the combination of the more relaxed clean this afternoon with the fact the teachers and other cleaners are used to seeing me there already so everybody’s more familiar so talked much more and there was time to actually stop and engage people this afternoon.

Even Jackie didn’t seem to have any snarkiness going on this afternoon.

And though 8 hours straight seems like a long time too, I’m not actually stuck in the same site that entire time so it won’t be nearly as bad as the recent 7-8 hour shifts I’ve done at Winmalee Primary and Katoomba TAFE.

Three of the other cleaners do have to be at the high school itself from 4:00 AM – 12:00 PM and don’t even get to change sites like I do so yeah condolences to them, but either way we’ll all be finished by lunch and don’t need to come back in the afternoon.

Very tired though – my eyes keep automatically closing and I’m nodding-off like a smack-head as I type this.

So goodnight.

Friday, 14th February 2020

8:05 AM

As of arriving at work this morning I’ve spoken only two lines of dialog: “Open the fucking door” and “Fuck of idiot” – now I’m just waiting outside until 8:15 AM so the sign-in book syncs with my actual departure.

I’d planned on getting a bus down Lurline Street then just walking around the corner to the high school but checking the physical timetable at the bus-stop belied Google’s bus times and there is no 7:55 AM bus.

I’m getting a cab instead – faster and more reliable anyhow.

1:05 PM

Right so while I’m at the high school cleaning the atrium the supervisor rings to bitch at me because the cockroach squealed like a pig – as always – with some twenty emails or texts or whatever; complaining about my ‘not helping him’ primarily but also my ‘fifteen minute smoke breaks’ and, well I dunno – whatever the mentally ill little cocksucker decided to wank-on about.

I told supervisor, actually never mind I’m tired and I have more pressing concerns than some shit-stain lying and crying like a bitch about me.

Like what I want for dinner; so I can go to the shop; so I can go home and blow peoples heads off as long as I wish to, because it’s friday today 😊

What do I want to have to eat *while* I’m blowing peoples heads off?

  • Arnotts’ Cheds or Country Cheese
  • Milk
  • Some kind of bread
  • Maybe frozen fish, though no you know; I’ve already got half a box of southern ‘style’ chicken tenders to eat today before they cannot be healthily eaten.
  • Shortbread Creams πŸ™ƒ
  • 2 litre milk actually since I’ve got that full box of Wheaties I haven’t even opened yet.
  • I’ve still 4 x hamburger buns – I’ll toast those instead of wasting them.

That’ll do.

Cathy here at WISE Employment – gorgeous as ever – also let me grab another pair of work-pants just a while ago so I went with the black and grey this time: I’ve already two pairs of both the beige and blue ones.

Saturday, 15th February 2020

Mmm trains are still out, though honestly with the replacement buses coming every half hour they’re exactly twice as frequent as the trains – even on the weekdays – though there’s no actual timetable to go by like there is with trains: you just pretty much have to rock up and they’ll tell you ‘About 20 minutes til the next one’ or ‘this is your bus, hop on buddy’

This photo has been aptly filed within the category of “Animals” because, well just look at her …

A side perk is the attractive women getting on the bus rub their hips against my shoulder as they’re walking past to sit down, though the chick in the above photo is not one of them – I leaned away from the isle when she walked past.

3:22 PM

I saw Jen yesterday afternoon on the bus and she was so excited to see me it was almost sad: if she were a female dog, she would have wet herself.

Then today at Katoomba station – after getting off the replacement bus – I almost managed to walk past without her noticing when she’s waved her hand around and told me how great it was to see me again and where have I been and what have I been doing and do I want a smoke and on she went – almost jabbering – before asking if she can have my phone number again.

I gave her a lackluster “Sure …” and she’s said she didn’t have a pen on her, so I’ve patted-down my pockets, raised my eyebrows and said “Nope – me either”

I figured that was good considering what a batshit-crazy bitch she is, as evidenced by the batshit-crazy texts she used to send me; texts that resulted in my simply spam-binning her number and forgetting it once I’d stopped selling and smoking buds a few years ago.

I’d honestly forgot you don’t need a pen and paper to tap someone’s number directly into your phone, but she didn’t and failing to find a pen after digging around in her two-wheeled grandma trolly she’s asked if she can add it into her phone.

So I got out mine and read my number to her since I already know I can just spam-bin her again and without a doubt will once she starts spamming my phone with mental-patient rants and I really do wonder whether she even remembers the weirdo texts or if she’s some kind of split- personality basket case who genuinely has no idea at all.

I’ve got heartburn for some reason and it’s not owing to Jens bullshit being impossible to digest.

Maybe the half a half kilo box of malteasers I ate last night mm dunno, but I’ve gotta go home and eat something.

8:05 PM

Yeah it’s a pity Jen is so fucked-up really: she’d be an a-grade catch if she hadn’t taken whatever path she’s chosen to take way back when – there would’ve been a time she had good skin; fine hair; a perfect figure and probably a brain in there somewhere.

But years of drugs have left her just looking like a sketchy ice-head who’s always desperate: her skin is marked with sores and scabs; she’s always, always fidgeting; she’s constantly feeling (me at least) out to see what use I can be to her and in that respect reminds me of Woman #7 – people are simply resources to both, it’s just Jen is too desperate to hide the fact she’s always looking for perks and benefits to people she knows.

Jen even smelled bad, but not a body-odour stink: it was a chemical smell that yeah can’t really despcribe it other than it smelled “meaty” but chemical at the same time and I’m pretty sure that’s one or more drugs oozing out the poors of her skin which would explain the aforementioned twitchiness.

If she’d only steered clear of narcotics and the human filth that sleaze their way in and out of each others lives because of them, Jen would be healthy: she’d look healthy; she’d act healthy; she’d smell healthy – like I said she would be a catch if …

Like Mandy would’ve been a completely different woman if she’s chosen a more emotionally healthy path instead of always seeking-out abusive men then marrying them until that all culminated in the climactic result: revolting child who dictates her life down to the letter – only a mentally defective man would partner with a woman who’s so busy cowtowing to the whims of a child that the parent-child relationship itself is so neurotic it’s unhealthy to be around for any length of time..

Of course there’s many, many parent-child relationships that are neurotic now because thats apparently become a social ‘norm’, but simply being a norm doesn’t make it healthy.

I don’t have to put up with any of that anymore fortunately and though I veered a bit to the right of my original point, Jen started me musing over the “if only” hypotheticals, because yeah: you know a woman is completely off her head when even I try to sneak past without saying hello to her – a woman in my own age group who’s slim, petite, single and child-free.

I should be all over that like white on rice and would be “if only” she wasn’t a junkie who’s physically and mentally *and* emotionally ill: so much so my brain tells me on a subconscious and primal level that this woman is to be avoided, not pursued.

Anyway I’m getting tired so I’m going to blow off a few more heads before bed.

And what’s really starting to bug me at the moment isn’t anything to do with women whose junkie sickness or neurotic fixation on their kid makes them a faded shadow of themselves, it’s the site and what I’ve not done with it versus what I already should’ve done with it: I want a laptop and somewhere good to live that has functioning power-points so I can continue learning PHP because there’s so many things I could imagine-up and create for the site that I’m not able to do when I’m powering all my devices from a few battery packs that are always being emptied faster than they’re charged, but I’m not getting anything moving without β™Ύ Γ— Electricity which I need to do everything – from learning the language to writing the software to testing and debugging it.

I love programming too when I get the time and focus to do it: like building your own virtual machines from the ground up that cost nothing in parts or tools or materials – what’s not to love about creating individual components that all fit within a greater engine using nothing but words!

I haven’t had the power to do that for ages and the days are rolling into the rear-view mirror of life without my making any advancements to the site in forever.

None; nada, zip, fuckall.

And though you could point to my only starting work in the past five years and lack of financial assets as being the product of my not choosing the right “path” in life, none of my decisions in life have left me unable to give 100% of my focus and attention to any woman I’m with: there’s no ex wife or kids, hell I don’t even have a pet to drain my time or energy.

Monday, 17th February 2020

8:39 AM

Nice school Blackheath primary: lots of old wood paneling and very clean though I dunno how the woman who’s permanent there gets the whole place clean every day.

46 years she’s been permanent there – talk about a high threshold for boredom geez.

I basically only got the main block done before spending twenty minutes trying to find which of the 50-odd keys opened the main toilets outside and even had to ask a teacher if she had a better suggestion than trying every key on the multiple keychains, so she’s actually gone inside and got a key from the office at the same time as I’ve been inside finding the toilet gate key in the key-safe and by the time I’ve come out to open the fucker, she was already in the process of opening one side of the huge steel-mesh gates.

Still, regardless of the work I didn’t complete, when 8:00 AM rolled around I was in the office signing-out and saying good morning to the admin staff, then telling them I’ve no idea which order the various buildings are most efficiently cleaned and the chick at the front desk said she’s got no idea either.

I’ve shrugged, frowned, then informed her that I’ve missed bits but any complaints can wait until the afternoon.

She’s told me ‘Don’t stress about it too much’ and I’ve told her “Don’t worry, I wont” then “Bye! Have a nice day!”

Like in other schools, she’s thanked me for coming to fill-in for the regular cleaner and like at other schools I’ve told her “No need to thank me: I get paid to being here! :)”

11:21 AM

Whatever though: I’ve gotta get home to drop my bag off so I can get back to the station by 2:00 – 2:30 PM and bullshit my way through making the other half of the school appear clean.

I’ll be stuck there at least until Wednesday 😡

Though it’s a nice little school to be stuck at I suppose.

Though, I’m still stuck there: I mean I have to be there 8 hours a day whether I want to or not which reduces the niceness of any place – obviously.

As for the train<>bus thing: the buses are running every 15 minutes versus the every 60 minutes of trains, so I don’t give a shit if the trains never resume operation.

You’d think that if all those buses can be organized for that level of frequency, the rail itself – who don’t have to share the tracks like the roads are used by everybody – would manage a more regular frequency than once an hour even on weekdays.

Sydney Trains are useless.

8:08 PM

Twice today I saw Jen: the first time she was getting of the train<>bus while I was waiting for the bus to Blackheath and I managed to avoid her my walking around the side of the canvas tent they have setup there.

Then again walking through the Woolies car-park on the way home she was standing outside the glass doors with her ridiculous hat on like always and with that old-woman two-wheeled trolley beside her.

I was walking past so I couldn’t avoid engaging the woman and simply said “Good evening” on my way past, as she’s half raised her arm to meekly wave hi and she looked even worse than last time I saw her.

Mm yeah she always, always looks absolutely desperate, Jen does.

It’s very unattractive.

Pity too since – like I said – she’s got all the basic components of an attractive woman but she’s so obviously a loser with the stupid hat, grey skin and matching lips and the whole dressing like a bag-lady thing, that yeah – bit of a waste but oh well.

Nobody loves a junkie – not even other junkies and certainly not the rest of us.

Junkie Jen.

I also got told by one of the teachers this evening that I’m the most important person at Blackheath Primary, ‘You’re the most important person here: you’re the cleaner Honey – you’re number one’ as I was asking who the principal was so I could tell her I was leaving and she could lock-up and alarm the school.

Why not right, though my response was simply, “Right.”

None-the-less, Ive gone to the trouble of shaving a minute ago and washing with clean clothes for tomorrow, since if I’m catching their eyes looking like an unshaven slob like I did today they’ll like me even better without the slovenly facial hair and with the new black pants and blood-red merino top.

Never know right.

At the very least, the better I look the more inclined they’ll be to forgive minor gaps in my quality of work output.

The women, anyway and like most other primary schools I’ve cleaned, the teaching staff are almost entirely female with just 2 or 3 male teachers in amoungst them.

And now I’m clean I’ve got not even an hour to blow heads off before bed: no time for dinner, no time to even masturbate – just a few quick games then bed 🀬

Tuesday, 18th February 2020

9:29 AM


6:30 PM

Ridiculous number of keys at this school: not just many keys, but many key-rings.

This is just one of four: you couldn’t carry them all if you wanted to it’s ridiculous …

There’s no drama to report for Blackheath Primary though: all the teachers and staff seem to like me and when K ask ther admin chick for any issues or complaints she says ‘Nope, everything is fine’ which might mean they all hate my guts, but I’m not getting any vibe of snarky or bitchy.

Chick who told me I was number one yesterday saluted me this morning when she saw me in the admin offices around 8:00 AM and though I meant to tell her she can do that as often as she likes, I got distracted then forgot about it before I saw her again.

The office admin front-desk chick also told me this afternoon that the yearbook photo pervert will be there in the morning around 7:30 and that I should unlock the gate, but the GA is already there at 7:00 so he’ll probably have the gate unlocked anyway.

I didn’t let the sanitary bin pervert in this morning of course, but I was flat OUT sweating to get everything done and figured if he was still waiting after I’d wiped the desks in a-block I’d like down and open the gate for him.

His van was gone by then though so he’ll have to go dig around in bloody pads and tampons at whatever site he was due at next.


9:23 PM

Awesome electrical storm going on with the sparks flying horizontally instead of just down towards the ground at an angle.

Makes me glad I don’t have power-points – storms like that: I’m completely immune to my devices being fried.

And Jen finally text this morning and again about an hour ago.

I told her she needs to stop with the drugs because she looks like shit, that her skin is grey and looking sick is never attractive.

Haven’t had another reply.

Wednesday, 19th February 2020

4:44 AM

This bus replacement sucks at this time of morning: one bus an hour going up the mountain so I’m gonna be an hour late today.

Considering how much work there is for one cleaner at Blackheath Primary that’s a significant chunk of time to lose since I won’t be staying back until 9:30: even if I did there’s little cleaning you can do once the classrooms, toilets and admin block are all being used.

So something will have to be skipped.

10:13 AM

Plenty got skipped.

Still I managed to bullshit my way through it – even starting over an hour late – and managed to leave at 8:15 after signing in and out for, yeah “the correct times” all you need to know.

The buses at this time of day though, they’re so regular that when the 690K pulled in at Lawson and I asked “Do I still have to pay for this bus?” and the driver confirmed I do, I told him to keep driving “I’ll wait for the train one πŸ‘”

Not that I pay for train fares when I know there’s no chance of being busted, but it’ll still kinda suck when they start running again though I’ve heard it’s going to take them months to fix that tiny hole in the track which isn’t surprising since this is Sydney Trains we’re talking about.

6:06 PM

Okay so that ‘Cover Blackheath until wednesday’ has changed to ‘..until the 29th’ unless Rhonda appears sooner than that, but we’re deriving the date from how long her medical certificate is issued for and that’s the 29th February, which cannot really be confirmed because both my supervisor and his supervisor have gone on spontaneous leave until further notice.

I only know this much because I rang my supervisor and some woman I’ve never heard of answered his phone – said she was mohammad’s supervisor’s wife and that they’d both left their work phones with her while they were off hunting lady-boys in Thailand ..or something.

The GA told me the other morning that Rhonda – the permanent cleaner of 46 years at Blackheath Primary – is his wife so he’d be able to tell me better than the company how long she’ll be away, though his only half jokingly telling me ‘You might end-up permanent’ then smiling slightly then looking at me a few seconds too long seemed a bit telling.

Though it is a nice enough little school, even the basics you have to do every day are a lot of work.

Oh and the midgets have started taking to me, in spite of my trying to appear unapproachable including some pre-school aged little brother of one of the primary kids, who saw me frisbee the vacuum cleaner bag across the yard and asked why I’d thrown someone’s ‘hat’ on the ground and ‘was it cause it was dusty?’

“No it’s not a hat – it’s the vacuum cleaner bag: I threw it to get the dust out without getting it all over me”

‘Vacuum bag?’

“Yeah it goes in the vacuum cleaner”

I can’t even remember the other fifty questions this kid asked me but he wanted to try and do the vacuuming then followed me around on his little midget-sized scooter while I changed the outside bins and his mum – sitting on a seat waiting for her other kid to finish dance lessons or whatever tells me ‘Looks like you’ve made a friend :)’

I told her I was trying to project the image of the cranky cleaner but not doing a good enough job apparently, then moved to cleaning Block B to lose the kid and wound-up spending twenty odd minutes talking to one of the kindergarten teachers who agreed the replacement buses to Blackheath suck in the morning and said her car broke down a week ago and she had to use them to get here and yeah they’re was too much dialog to write it all out – I’ve gotta go to bed anyway.

Spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread from a takeaway tonight and a taxi home because I want a cooked meal and can’t be fucked walking back with it.

Thursday, 20th February 2020

4:59 AM

Good thing about the supervisor going on leave and the cleaner being off doo long is I’m currently full-time on a casual rate.

I’ll have a $2,400+ paycheck to look forward to next week.

9:30 AM

The kindergarten teacher I didn’t write about last night said nothing and just glanced at me for a while as I vacuumed her floor and this went on long enough that I figured she was just one of those people who took an instant dislike to me, but – just like the redhead at the library – as soon as I started talking about how much work there is and how I’ve got no time to wipe any desks, she just cracked open like the sun and started empathizing with me and relaxed completely …


11:45 PM

The red-head’s here: the most intimidating woman in Katoomba.

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