Warm-up sketch

Good news: I’ve decided to kill the diary..

It’ll be replaced with posts like this: much smaller, more focused reflections on a specific subject: no more grinding my way through 20,000 word walls of text that even bore me to write and no more posts that span an entire month: it’s dumb, and I’ve done it to death.

Switching to a more short-form, article-style format will loosen and lighten everything back up again, remove all that pointless filler and just as I won’t be stuck writing the same shit all month, you won’t be stuck reading it – so that’s what we’ll be doing, starting now.

Glad we had that little talk.

I have gotta shave tonight: fucking itchy shit – once it gets to around half an inch, I don’t how anyone can handle having this crap all over their faces long-term..

This drawing was both started and completed in a single evening a few days ago, as a warm-up exercise before starting on the eye of our half-Indian goddess: just to make sure my hands were, I don’t know, warmed-up or whatever before beginning on the portrait that actually matters..

I honestly surprised myself with how well it turned out, given I didn’t bother drawing-in guide lines – just grabbed a pencil and started going for it – or any other of the preparatory steps I would historically take in creating a drawing I care about: I didn’t care about this drawing, literally just scribbled it into existence on auto-pilot and this was the first time I’ve picked a pencil up in probably two years or more.

I planned to stop with the eye itself too, but got busy listening to podcasts and next think I knew – almost bedtime and an A3 page full.

This has made me think.

I’m waiting for Scarlett to send me a photo of her eye too, so I can queue that in to the list of upcoming ‘speed’ portraits.

Made me think about things I will have to think about, in order to convert this multi-layered thought into the flat medium of language, but the conclusion this thought has led me to reaching, is that I am going to commit from this point on to consistently drawing.

Several artist communities around the internet have also contributed to my feeling I need to make this commitment because – until now – I’ve never realized just where the baseline of my talent actually sits: after spending the last few weeks viewing works created by hundreds of other artists – both 3D and traditional – I’ve discovered my own talent actually sits quite high indeed.

By ‘baseline’, I mean how it is in it’s natural state: with no practice, no training, no frequent use and no effort applied to it – this is how my visual gift has always been because I have never done more than occasionally grab a pencil, paint-brush or – in more recent years – pocket-knife and create something pretty then toss it aside until I feel like impressing someone again.

Like a muscle that’s flexed only once or twice each decade.

Talking with Michele earlier, I posited that if I have always had the inherent ability to create visually attractive things even without ever doing anything like trying, imagine the kind of shit I’d be creating, if I actually courted my own talent actively and consistently over time – maintain a relationship with it.

Of course, I’ve had this thought before: the first time being some ten years back when a woman lured me into flying to Perth under the premise she was so into me for my amazing artistic abilities, but in the end she turned out to be a slut who just wanted dick, any dick would have probably done and I never needed to draw or paint a single line to impress her – she was nearly identical to the last several women I’ve been with of course: cheap, instant lays who’ll give it away for any dick as easy as they are.

Then more recently, what two years ago I said I really should begin to engage my creative ability and work on being an artist who actually produces artwork: I got distracted away from that, by work, by covid, by whatever.

This time though, this time I have the benefit of hindsight and the hard knowledge that time is shockingly not an endless ocean to be squandered on rubbish: time is the only resource that matters at all and another extended COVID-19 lockdown – three months of a government forcing life to idle on pause – only drives the fact home.

Now, I won’t bother locking myself into producing a X number of drawings every X number of weeks and while I know I will not be constantly producing because life, highly variable moods and just generally being a complex living organism means life gets in the way, I absolutely will commit myself to producing artwork – enabling my talent and allowing it to have me like it’s bitch: through many, many hours sitting ’til my feet go to sleep and my neck fucking aches, because that’s the only way to create beautiful images – gradually, by doing it.

This doesn’t mean I need to abandon my white dog and his imaginary world either: it just means I’ll be creating it the traditional way – giving-up the computer-aided design for bespoke, hand-drawn, hand-coloured originals.

It does mean I’ll drop the 3D software I was just about to pursue along with the other software I was using of course, because they are unnecessary and prevent my artwork containing a soul, so everything from this point on will be hand-drawn original artwork – one-off, physical products each containing a little sliver of myself.

There’s a multitude of additional thoughts that all swam in and out and around these that I’ve stated here, but it’s late and I want sleep so I don’t have time to elaborate any further right now but I will say that I should have started doing this when I was twenty, but way back then, I really figured that since I could not commit myself to regularly drawing, painting and otherwise practicing this gift would fade and disappear like any other skill would.

The drawing at the top of this page proves it’s never faded, never diminished, sure as shit never left me and that it’s well past time I stop wasting a god-given talent that 99% of the population and even many other artists would love to have possession of but never will, because it’s mine.

So there is my vow – if you wanna call it that – to the creative talent that’s as much a part of me as i am it.

Each new drawing from here on out will have its own post with whatever thoughts or details I have about it, naturally.

Current in the queue, our stunning half-indian Oracle, followed by Scarlett and Michele. Edit: then Ahlei.

Time I’ve finished those three my hands will be thoroughly warmed-up and additional volunteers with no objection to my making them look as timelessly lovely as any woman could, will be ready to submit their photos.

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