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Thursday, 24rd September 2020

10:22 PM

They've done it already!

I like this hosting company much better than that shitty one I moved from a year or more ago now.. Hostmonster - that was the last one.. they still send me auto-mail with 'special' offers to return to using them pft.

7:46 PM

Since I didn't bother to bu myself a birthday present on my birthday, I've gone ahead and finally upgraded the site from the shitty $9.95/month shared server to a virtual dedicated server for $29.95/month.

Considering the amount of time I spend in here and given the level of mental engagement the site returns that's money well spent.

9:11 AM

Weird.. All I did there was split two functions and the page hung for 20 minutes until I changed it back how it was.

5:43 AM

That wasn't so painful - halfway through my first podcast episode and onto my third coffee before the sun's even got its shit together.

Good episode too: though I already knew most of what's in it, who doesn't like having their knowledge validated.

Wednesday, 23rd September 2020

6:33 PM

I am very tired.. but I bought 800gram jumbo eggs today to have scrambled with the fresh Bakers's Delight rolls I also bought today - also to go with the really nice olive-oil mayonaise and I want to eat some before I get ready for bed.


But I'm too tired and lazy to cook.

Would've been nice but there's a prawn & chicken cup noodle on the side: that's much easier to organise given my current lack of enthusiasm for cooking.

And in spite of my tired and fuzzy-headed state today I not only dragged my way through the day but managed to whip-up a tight little function that cleans and sterilizes any user input in forms that's accessible from anywhere on the site.

sanitiser();, the function is called and it literally strips every symbol and punctuation mark out of anything anyone might enter into an input box with a simple in=>out variable arrangement: I stuff untrustworthy text into the variable $unclean, send that to the sanitiser(); function and it strips the shit out of that text like an acid bath then spits out the freshly cleaned $sanitized version of the filth that went in.

Only around a dozen lines of code too, maybe less - yet I think I've got every potentially malicious character covered, includng several case-insensitive system commands plus the two most dangerous commands for SQL injection attacks.

Plus I updated the text Joanne sees right after logging-in, plus the text the Lurkers see right after they login.

Can't believe Joanne's still talking to me actually: even telling her I've eaten road-kill didn't get rid of her, though I did stipulate they were freshly killed lizards I ran over and not maggoty kangaroo - clean, fresh roadkill and over two decades ago at that.

She is a woman though and knows instinctively she is needed xo

The egg roll was e.. I'm not going to type it..

Nope.. it was good.


It was eggcellent.

Now, finally I am setting my alarm for 5:00 AM and going to W3Schools myself to sleep.

Tuesday, 22th September 2020

10:03 PM

Vision's cleared, no headache at all.


I used to not think much of Archer, until I got to know the characters - now I love it.

9:05 PM

Hrm.. the glitchy flashing visual artifacts working their way from the center-left of my feild of view tells me a migraine is on the way.. spose I'll have to wait until tomorrow to stomp across the SQL threshold.

Even reading this as I edit is getting, tricly.. though there's no pain or headache to accompanie the visual noise - just flashing yeah glitching vision and it always works its way slowly from a barely perceptible dot to the *very* side of the middle of my view, to swallowing my eyesight completely..

Eventually it clears, after which vision returns and that's when the headache starts and though the pain of said headache is never too bad, it goes on and on even after I've woken up the next morning.

Anyway I can't even effectively proofread for typoes until I've got my eyesight back so whatevz.

Why I have to get one *now* when I'm right on the precipice of getting my head around a new skillset sucks shit, but what can you do huh?

7:13 PM

I'll move the above lines over to the 'light' matter of fact because it's too good not to be here with the mediocre dribblings.

Such a small thing: a tiny few lines of code that creates a new record in a nearly empty freshly created database, but the significance of learning how to do that successfully means a massive step up in my skillset is about to happen.

Speaking of mediocre dribblings: though Annabelle Crabb is just a fucking awful television personality and I can't even say what exactly it is I dislike about her.. it's just something cheesy/fake in her demeanor she never manages to convincingly conceal, though it has to be said Back in time for dinner is a pretty decent show.

Pity they can't get someone else to host it.

Blugh.. Brain Flitters for breakfast oh, my, Gawwd..

5:41 PM

Joanne Joanne Joanne.. Okay, MySQL database head-on - here goes..

1:55 PM

What to work on this afternoon..


Bought myself one those flat laptop fans today - the ones that sit underneath the device and blow air into the underside.

Not sure it'll do much but I know - being nearly ten years old now - the laptop I'm using gets pretty hot when I've got several heavy apps running and the internal fan sounds like a hair-dryer once it starts going, so I figured a $30 cooling platform to increase airflow can't be a bad idea.

I need a new laptop ultimately, but to facilitate that I need to go back to working like a fucking idiot to get the money together to buy one.

Working like a fucking idiot for a year straight to save $3,500, that is.

I could start modifying the mood analysis module, though I've been putting that off since iunno: I've gotta turn it into a class with functions that'll take text arguments to really start improving it and it's been so long since I created the script I'm really not looking forward to fucking with it.

Could send Joanne the weekends podcast episodes I've bookmarked to give her.

Could tidy up.

I could do a lot of things.

COULD create a third, visually romatic/love-based theme then add the shortcodes to direct content there like I've done with the light and dark themes, but I've only just finished creating the light theme and there's not much point having that third theme until I've got someone to write for.

Though I suppose I could use that third theme for any warm-fuzzies I get towards anything and anyone rather than restricting it to romance..

I'll just do nothing until I decide.

Certainly, I like that light/dark content forking and I started this post with a bitch about software updates - all sent to the dark theme and only visible there, so if *I* don't wanna read my own ranting and bitching I can simply stay with the light theme and never have to acknowledge any of the negative shit I've written.

Same with anyone else reading: you have to switch to the dark theme to view the darker-toned writing, and without logging in at all, none of the light OR dark content will be displayed - you'll only be shown standard paragraphs.

Sunday, 20th September 2020

11:25 PM

So though I just hate to bore anyone by writing about site updates, I've added a few things tonight but will only very quickly rush through an abbreviated summary of what I've done and I'll leave out any reference to programming or whatever because nobody I know who would be reading has a fuckin' clue what I'm talking about anyway.

Firstly, I added several new fonts from Google's web-fonts API: a Munsters-style drippy-ooze font for the dark theme's page-titles as well as a slimmer, more elegant page-title font plus a more refined general paragraph font for the light theme.

I've also finally got around to finishing the user validation function, so now any non-lurker accounts that actually have a password have a unique encrypted key generated at the type the password is entered at login: this key is then decrypted and matched to the username it belongs to each time a page loads to check the cookie I've stored with the username on visitors machines hasn't been edited (or if it has, the site will detect the username cookie doesn't have it's matching security key and delete all cookies on the spot).

Okay so the paragraph above wasn't super abbreviated, but that was as quickly and simply as I could explain the purpose of the user account verification and how it works.

Finally, I've added two new shortcodes that give me a feature I've actually wanted for a long time and just forgot until today, when I realized now I've got a dark and light theme - both implimented intelligently enough that they have the logic to make decisions independantly - I can have them carry the light<=>dark metaphor another small but profound step forward with the addition of two new shortcodes: light and dark.

With these two shortcodes I can now sort light and dark thoughts or writing and funnel them into the appropriate visual theme: lines tagged as dark are sent to the dark theme while light lines are sent to their equivalent and neither are visible outside the theme they've been assigned.

In practical terms, all you need to do is start the line with lgt or drk instead of the standard par shortcode for normal paragraphs so it's just as easy to use as any other shortcode and drk/lgt lines are coloured and styled like normal paragraphs but are theme-assigned.

So simple to use, yet such a powerful feature to have.

10:50 PM

Right, so I've just added another two shortcodes that leverage the duality of the two themes to add another layer of funcitonality to them.

I haven't even checked the new additions for errors yet, because I'm gettin' pretty fuckin good at remembering to close my quotes and brackets and all the silly shit that usually causes errors that mean annoyance for me.

Lets see if that worked..

Good, that's excellent.

Saturday, 19th September 2020

11:39 PM

Instead of maintaining a diary of whatever's bouncing around my head day to day, I should start writing articles of interest about things that aren't about me.

Not quick, cheap affairs but long-form, monthly projects that require me to go away to read, research, consider and think about whatever the given subject matter might be - immerse myself in whatever I'm covering like a journalist doing a story would.

Sure it'd give me something different to write about too, but the larger reason for me wanting to do it is the recollection of how I struggled to stay focussed (or even begin to be focussed) during the past three months of RMIT study and the thought that setting myself monthly article goals would help stop my brain from just floating about the place like it's full of fucking butterflies - free to think what it likes, when it likes, how it likes then abandon any given thought the moment it gets boring only to flutter-off on another whimsical adventure..

Picking a topic, setting a one month time-frame, researching that topic then writing about it would allow me to get my brain accustomed to some kind of disipline, so the next time I do any kind of study I've actually got my brain mostly in one place to use.

No point having a 136 IQ if you can't get your brain to sit still long enough to follow a single train of thought, so I've gotta reel the fucker in after years of free-range anarchy.

See already in the past few mintues, my brain has drifted away from what I'm in the middle of writing and on to thinking that what I really need is a page containing a heirarchical todo list for items that need do be done in categories based on level of importance: META, MAJOR and MINOR: META being for conceptual ideas that need to be thought-out and decided on or commited to; MAJOR for things that must be sorted-out ASAP and MINOR for superficial items that can sit unattended indefinately for all I care.

Anyway all I need to start my monthly articles is a topic for the first article and I can commence..

Saw my ex-drug-dealer today at Woolies and goodness has he packed-on a *tonne* of weight: I mean he's literally twice the size he was last time I saw him.

10:58 PM

Some reason, that move to hand all the globals over to guido has cost me the background image and stats hmm..

That's alright I'll get em back - everything else (stylesheets, the diary processing) works just perfectly and this is the more efficient way of doing it, so I'll stay with efficiency and find the bug costing me my stats and bg image rather than backpeddle.

7:34 PM

Far out you know, everywhere I look I can see ways to not just add new bits and pieces but improve what I've already written/coded..

Like, on each page I've come to just copy/paste the most common global variables because why would I retype 50+ variable names when I just don't need to, but then I realized - I should've created a function in Guido and copy/pasted them into that ages ago..

I already include "./guido.php"; at the top of every page anyway and I'd only be reducing storage space really, but it's still a better way of doing it.

Oh right, the full-time study thing kinda kept me from getting back into this..

Works fine - not the slightest whiff of an error at all and I can just completely remove all these from the top of every page..

global $user_alias, $cookie_name, $page_id, $page_title, $page_visits, $featured_image, $doc_excerpt, $page_privacy, $page_info, $debug_mode, $featured_image, $diary_include, $parent_page, $theme, $forecolor, $backcolor, $temp; be replaced with this tiny function call..


That's it: what a saving on resources and I was just thinking, how I can't move the variables that set the properties of each particular page, but then realized instantly - of course I can: a few conditional statments inside get_globals(); and I can have it set those values within itself, leaving me with only one variable I must leave at the top of each page - the page identifier itself: $page_id = "words_2";.

That is all guido would need to divert to the appropriate chunk of the conditional code and set the page properties within guido.php.

Yeah this means nothing to the handful of people I know will read it, I realize, but that's fine - I'm just thinking out loud.

I also realize I'm not learning any all new, sexy PHP abilities by spending the night doing this shit, but how can I ignore that inefficient little smear now I know it's there and how easily I can fix it.

2:40 PM

Michele is ambiguously depressed for no particular reason, though says the way the world's gone mad at the moment is probably the root of that malcontentedness, which I don't think is actually a word but I'll leave it anyway.

Then there's Joanne, who randomly mumbles 'Fuck my life' mid conversation then never elaborates why when I ask and though she doesn't seem as flat as Michele they're both Sagitarians.. I should take note of whether they both re-inflate and become their normal selves again at around the same time.

I'm like a magnet for that starsign and no I don't know what that's got to do with anything, but it seemed like a nice random place to start warming into starting today's entry.

I told Michele to go out and pick new carpet - that'll cheer her up more than her other todo-list item: painting the walls in her house.

Least choosing carpet she's not required to come back home and spend all weekend moving furniture around then painting, painting, painting..

I hate painting walls.

Friday, 18th September 2020

6:00 PM

Now I've learnt how to bullet-proof encrypt any shit I like, I've realized that rather than having the site not read or output private content at all, I can simply encrypt private shit and output everything - setting it to automatically decrypt when the logged-in user's name matches the name I've created that private content for, which I've done.

I'm remarkably clever, I know.

It's not like anyone's cracking any of it: copy/paste it into whatever decryption app or tool you like - the only way to convert it back to plain text is to login as the person I've written it to.

Tonight I'll find another PHP library I didn't know exists to learn about, because understanding how complicated shit works is awesome.

11:30 AM

I've turned the Mood Analysis panel into an collapsible that starts closed at page loading and will probably move the word-count up to the title-bar when I get home so there's at least that basic bit of dynamic information available without expanding the panel.

I'll replace the 'Mood Analysis' title with $word_count actually, because there's just no reason to have a static title when that title is obviously text on a button - everyone knows what to do with a button when they see one.

This reduces the visual 'busy-ness' in that top section of course and again is only visible to logged-in users.

The hiding of these sexier new themes and their sexy new elements to anyone not logged-in isn't just to encourage readers to login - especially not given I've allowed for guest accounts that're completely anonymous - but for technical reasons: the site uses those cookies to save your choice of theme and without it, you'd need to change the theme every time you visit any page because there'd simply be no way to remember anything.

Thursday, 17th September 2020

4:00 PM

Oh the new light theme's been done for days now and the old dark theme has been updated: all elements have been wrapped in code that toggles the style light or dark (depending on which theme the user has active) and I've now started independently altering each of the two themes with little changes to the CSS here and there as I feel it's necessary.

You need to be logged-in to even see either theme, so visit the login page to generate a user cookie, then visit preferences to change themes.

You don't need a valid account username or password because I've coded the login process to allow anyone to create that login cookie anonomously without the need for an actual account: enter any random text you like in the Username and Password fields - no matter what you type Guido will still create a cookie for you - he'll just log you in as "Lurker" if you don't have a valid account.

Without logging in even anonomously, the theme you'll be seeing is a kind've hodge-podge black and while mix of ugly, though to be honest I've been logged in myself for the entire week or so I've been messing aorund with the dual themes, so I really don't know what the original looks like now, but I know it's neither 'light' or 'dark', hasn't had any attention for along time and if I do decide to give it further attention it'll be to make it uglier to encourage visitors to login for access to the prettier visuals.

~1:00 PM

Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.

I might've had another crack at her except for two very important holes in the road.

Chasms in the road.

• She had not exhibited any interest in contacting me for the past two years or so.

• I want someone I'm ridiculously attracted to, not just the standard amount everyone settles for.

• Being with any woman who's kid is constantly whoring all the attention means a second-rate relationship at best.

Any one of the above factors being present means only ever having a weak imitation of a full relationship and having all of them means sacrificing your own self-worth for a woman who'll only ever put you second.

Especially the last one: it's mentally ill that so many parents tolerate being controlled by their kids at all, let alone to let it go on and on until they've got such a neurotic little shitstain on their hands there's no way she can have a relationship at all.

And to the first point: even the vacuous Woman #7 has contacted me repeatedly over the past few years: the fact I knew with increasing certainty over time the bitch is incapable of ever being real or genuine meant none of those contacts were allowed to go on longer than a few texts before I'd tell her to fuck off again, but no engagement from Mandy at all in that time illustrates any emotion that may've existed flat-lined at the same time and with the same abruptness as my walking out did - two years ago.

I don't want second-rate anything from any woman anymore: I've spent my entire life being unavailable - watching women I genuinely wanted just walk-on by because I was busy being comfortable with someone I was only moderately attracted to.

Should I change that list-text to vermillion like the title or leave it that grey-blue?

Both colours look good on the off-white background..

No: vermillion is used for links as well as the title - any more would be too much.

Pure logic and pure learning: love it.

12:29 AM

Oooh I've just seen they're not repeats: NEW Archer Season 10 episodes are on IVIEW!


Wednesday, 16th September 2020

2:40 PM

Joanne came through with the homework I gave her!

I asked her to give me some new words to add to the mood analysis code so it's more versatile and accurate, she's just pasted about, fuck, I don't even know how many - hundreds of words in 8 new word groups including ones I'd not even considered like satisfaction, peace and calm, inspirational and Curiosity related words among others.

Indeed, I'll have to cherry-pick from that many words I told her, to reduce the size of the task at hand because there's so many words there I'll procrastinate if I assume I'm adding every one of them.

She's suggested that I oughta maybe find some way to store the word-lists in a seperate file, then somehow find a way to read them into the program so I don't have to wrap every word in the same code repeatedly and see, though she doesn't know the programming terminology to word what she's saying in proper nerd-speak, what she's trying to say is "Maybe you should create a function to process all word-lists so you've got one peice of reusable code instead of ending-up with countless duplications of the same thing"

And she's bang-on, 100% correct!

I'm a bit impressed by that: her stepping back and without any knowledge of programming or web design, being able to give me suggestions based on thinking from a step-back perspective and communicate it to me conceptually.

Bypassed the need to know any of the granular details, she did - that is pretty impressive.

Course I've barely any idea how I'll do the idea, but will figure it out when it's in front of me and I'll have to to get those hundreds of extra words added and part of the mood analysis script.

I've got to finish creating these encrypted login userkeys before I can start on updating the word-lists though I was thinking while doing that: several of the new word-groups Joanne has added can be 'child' groups within $emotives: $angries, $peacefuls, $happies etcetera can be child categories to $emotives, which doesn't seem like any distinction at a glance, but it will mean $emotives will grow a new layer of depth to it.

Gotta think it out before doing it of course, because I'm a massive believer in the 'measure twice, cut once' approach to doing things.


Tuesday, 15th September 2020

10:12 PM

Wow, that's an even sexier way of doing it..

This line of text will be encrypted with the 256-bit SSL-SHA2 cipher, then that already encrypted line encrypted a second time with an additional, separate 16 digit key.

}|6zzr #r4I0oA⣢ !eK Dida,դZiU7LQk'nV#Jڙ1Bq}f=iyQ65)Fh:tU»:|jp9/tzGZSN5Ol XD1Y_'ădb$G


Unfucking crackable or at least very difficult to: SSL would not be the online security standard for everything - including banking connections - if it were easily cracked-open and all I'll be using it for is a little ol' string for user validation..

"Overkill", is the word that comes to mind :)

In fact, the chance of anyone picking, guessing or otherwise determining both keys needed to decrypt data encrypted with SHA-2 SSL is well this unlikely..

"So, 2x256 combinations, how many is that? Well, it’s a huge number. Seriously. It puts numbers like trillion and septillion to shame. It far exceeds how many grains of sand are in the world."

Unfucking crackable.

5:54 PM

Here I've just been distracted by curiosity again as usual, this time with encryption, which appears pretty simple actually so we'll give that a bash immediately..

Not *that* simple clearly, since I'm getting no string returned hrm...


The fat cat sat on the mat while eating a rat.

That's more like it.


There's my user login security keys sorted: just plant our encrypted key alongside the username cookie once the password is accepted, then add a line of code to check that encrypted key is present and correct anytime I check the username cookie itself.

That'll mean even if some smartarse ever decides to find the cookie and simply edit the plain text to "Admin" or "Jason" or any other genuine user account, the site will see instantly there's no security key - then it can delete all site cookies completely, maybe log the attempt in a file, then send me an email notifying me it had intercepted a fraudulent login attempt.

Of course I'll add all that code to a callable function in guido's class - so he can have one action to perform in his role as bouncer.

Do that tonight actually - fuck the other trivial shit.

First, the 4-pack of chico-rolls I bought for dinner now they've defrosted nicely - oven-baked since I don't have a deep fryer and I'm pretty sure there's already.. actually, they're only 5% fat! Still, better keep them 5% fat than increase it to 25%..

And if frozen pies and sausage rolls cook fine in the oven I'm sure these will too.

Now I want to encrypt the entire content of the site.. could too: decrypt to logged-in uses and display garbled shit for everyone else? No.. Google would blacklist my site and I'd get no randoms from search results.

3:55 PM

Sure hope the student license for this never expires: Microsoft Visual Studio combines every kind of programming language, tool and solution into one package and I remember full licenses selling for $2,500 depending on the options you want to include - and that was back around the early 2000's.

God only knows what it'd cost now to license, but it's $0 for me, for everything.

This evenings todo list will be securing logins with unique login keys, creating a new icon to replace the green tick since that's displayed for every user account now and I can do better than what's there, plus adding the new login/preferences pages to the console since I haven't updated that for a while.

I also should really find a solution to the console's drawer effect, which only drops down at the moment and not back up forcing me to refresh the page to close it though entering reload or refresh in the console itself also refreshes the page.

Oh and the auto-reload for the login/pref pages.. course

I've gotta find another course online to do or something soon too because I'm starting to feel like, hmm.. like I'm missing the feeling of being formally educated, now the two uni courses are over - working on this site doesn't get me qualifications, cool as it is.

Matter of fact, it's not only cool but kinda required: if you consider that everything I know I've learnt by fucking around and teaching myself, there's really no wasted time here no matter how minor or trivial the programming or design alterations/additions might be - everything I do here gives me both practical experience as well as increased knowledge, so messing around on my own site has and will always be arguably the best learning I'll do.

Learning by doing is always a more efficient way to absorb knowledge than reading books or following a curriculum.

Monday, 14th September 2020

11:11 PM

So I'm just explaining to Joanne how I need more words to feed to the mood_analysis script to increase it's accuracy, then explained how another script I've written - stalk_user() - creates a new folder for every new visitor to the site: as the page loads each visit it does a live WHOIS lookup on the visitors ip address to return a whole bunch of information about them, create a user profile where it saves that info, THEN logs all visits to every page by every visitor - all within the users folder and all every time any page is visited.

And yeah if *I* can get a full page of details about you in half a second with nothing but your IP address, imagine the kind of shit Facebook, Google and Instagram can do with every search; comments, likes, photos, pesonal details and shopping habits you've fed willingly into their servers - swallowed by their artificial intelligence systems, analized and reused, repurposed and sold-on to anyone who wants it.

Anyway I'm explaining the inner workings of the site to Joanne primarily to convey that although it may look like any boring soccer-mum's blog, there's a remarkable amount of sophisticated shit already going on behind the frontend that nobody sees just reading this diary because I want to be a lot more sophisticated and I wouldn't mind her help getting it that way because she has plenty of ideas and we function well as a collaborative team.

I take a screenshot of all the folders the script has created - to demonstrate that I've got no idea how many people actually visit the site, but there's an aweful lot of folders now (about, actually the panel tells you exactly how many - all those folders are counted to retrieve the number of Lurkers on the right of the page visits: 1309 folders and 1309 new visitors to this page), when I see her in the chat window..

"Awww you saved a heart emoji next to my name. 😍"

I look down at the screenshot.

OMG noo!

Right as I've taken the screenshot she's sent that message and windows goddamn notifications popped-up just as I've pressed the PRNTSCRN button..

If I were the kind of person who's easily embarrassed that would've done it, but then also, it's Joanne: didn't take her more than 3 seconds to come to terms with my telling her how I'd dug-up my dead dog's skull then used his toe-bones to make a necklace and if that didn't shock her out of talking to me, a little love heart saved alongside her contact on my phone sure as shit isn't going to.

So no foul; play on.

5:55 PM

I've fixed every page, though I have not actually changed back to the dark theme myself to see it's more or less air-tight - plus changed the attributes of the cookies the site sets to time() + (86400 * 3650), unix-speak for a full ten years - log in once and you never need worry about doing it again, basically.

I was just thinking to myself, that no matter how chummy I get with anyone there's really very few people who would know how attached I've grown to this site in the over a decade now I've had it.

From it's spur-of-the-moment creation in 2011 when I had no idea what the fuck I'd do with a website but wanted one anyway, to the minor changes I made to it to facilitate easy photo-diary updating from my tent in the national park where I wrote the rainforest journals, to having my heart so utterly shattered I spent a year homeless all because of a woman too nasty and conceited to ever give a shit, to dumping that wordpress site altogether to re-create this one from scratch and that was mostly to shake-off the 'blog' label and demonstrate I don't need any shitty commercial website software because I'm brilliant enough to run rings around this shit..

Saw Toni today.

And Juli.

And her dad.

All three are as good as ever.

Sunday, 13th September 2020

11:42 PM

You've got to be logged-in for the theme to apply: go login as any username with any password, then go to the preferences page and select the light theme because there's still some leftover scraps of code that haven't been wrapped in switches for dark/light yet, so you're better off going all light until I've sorted out the remaining style wrappers.

2:06 PM

Like a puppy kept in a cage alone - kicked, poked with a stick, spat on for years..

Suddenly, here's this beautiful woman kneeling in front of me - hand through the bars making cooing noises while she's rubbing the back of my neck..

12:50 AM

Six hours straight I've been at it at least, and my eyeballs feel mm quite a bit like they're coated in 1200-grit sandpaper.

In that time though I've changed the majority of theme elements from dark to light, created a preferences page with two radio buttons to toggle between the two themes, plus created a new cookie that saves the theme to your browser.

Took 2 hours of frustration to get the second cookie working and got to the point where I'd actually switched to just writing the setting to file on the server, which I'm still thinking is probably a better idea in the long-run, but then I finally realized it was the radio form controls that were causing me so much shit: they weren't returning "Light" or "dark" because they only return numeric values - once I'd finally worked that out I had them finished-up in a few minutes.

But yes, just towards the end of my patience, I realized that all I need is a username saved to a readers browser: long as I've got that I can write anything else I might need to on the server since I've already got that persistant username to use.

So sooner or later - not sooner come to think of it since I'm still up to my arse in messy bits and stray styles that still need to be ironed-out - but eventually I'll switch all settings to server-side and only have the user alias saved to your devices.

Saturday, 12th September 2020

3:20 PM

Here's an interesting statistic I just heard: every year of an average persons life, you will pass 25 murderers just walking around in public.

1:08 PM

Right anyhow, on with the theme_control() module.

Returning to the login screen and loging-in with the username "Guido" will instantly change to the light theme and show where I'm at with that: it's what I'm using to develop the new theme myself, and there's no password required.

10:00 AM

Yeah now it's in retrospect, I don't feel such a need to set the scene with a long-winded introduction - here's the take-away bullet-point though.. Hmm how to add a list by hand in HTML only..

• Joanne brought a Macbook Pro and rather than indifference, I actually felt happy for her - excited even!

While this may not seem like a very big deal, that's the first time I've ever experienced genuine happiness triggered by something that didn't benefit me directly - literally.

I said all this last night to her so she donsn't need to read this morning's reporting of "emotion" trigger many other people have already experienced.

She says I'm growing, ..I don't know.

I know historically, complete indifference would be my response: it's not my new toy, why would I give a shit?

For some unknown reason, Joanne specifically getting the new Macbook Pro she wanted made me happy she'd got it.

First thing I insisted she do is take full advantage of the student account and download all the full versions of all the software we get access to from both Adobe and Microsoft, and even half pissed she pushed-on until she'd done it.

Good girl :)

Friday, 11th September 2020

9:30 PM

So, Joanne gets home tonight and tells me shortly afterwards, 'I've got a new toy!'

Being there a week ago when she linked me the new laptop she was looking at and I mentioned the other day how she was going to look in her operating system for a model number we could use to compare the new laptop she wants with the one she already has - the larger the gap between specs, the better.

Anyway she's barely even told me she brought a new toy home with her when I already guess what it is, then a few seconds later the photo she's taken is filling my TV screen - blurred for a moment while it downloads completely, then voila!

Wait, I'll write this in the morning - I'm getting sleepy.

2:30 AM

Fuckit: I'm going to have to create en entire separate script to handle all the little differences between light and dark themes so I can have both.

All through the page there's littel snippets of styling that can't be changed just by changing the CSS in the attached stylesheet, so I'll have to turn all those colours into variables and stuff em into if/else conditionals to switch those little style snippets dark/light to match whichever stylesheet's currently chosen.

Do it right, do it once - though it's getting way too late to be doing it right, right now.

BUT - and there's a very but, excellent but here: once I've setup the switchable themes I'll be able to have two completely different styles altogether and though it'll take a while just to re-edit all the colours to lighten all the elements that already exist and are styled dark, once I've got them done I can rearrange the page too in the light theme.

Course there'll be a preference option for anyone to choose the one they want to see.

1:20 AM

That's the online test done.

It was very vague on the questions and case study, but we've never had to make too much of an effort to get a pass mark in anything else for the Programming unit and I'm sure the test will be the same.

I think really, the lecturer is more worried about how a high percentage of students failing would impact his own position and adjusts our grades thusly, because though he's perfectly nice and nobody dislikes him, he's not very good at actually engaging a group of students or teaching us, unfortunately.

I've already said and it's already obvious to anyone who's flicked through this diary that I love programming, yet Introduction to Programming has been just .. badly delivered, from the start.

The last live group chat session we all had with AC - our lecturer for Intro to IT and the course wordinator - I remember it only taking one person to mention Programming at the beginning of the lesson and the chat panel was *so* flooded with complaints about Introduction to Programming, Anthony literally couldn't start recording the session for a full ten minutes - it took that long for everyone to calm down and stop bitching about Gayan's delivery of the material.

But when we're not complaining to one another about the poor delivery, I think many students feel kinda sorry for Gayan - he tries, he's just lacking .. creativity? Something.. he's lacking the ability to make the unit material interesting.

Anyway - four days to get the last assignment done then that's it for the study period, I believe.

Thursday, 10th September 2020

6:13 PM

Okay, which colour.. red, or orange.. or yellow..

I've set the expiry-date for cookies to a full year of course, because I hate being told to login and figure everyone else does too so once youve logged in once you can forget about it.

None of those lines are visible to anyone but you Joanne - or whoever else I'd assigned them too.

Unlimited number of people, colours and control over who sees what - all while the rest of the diary content continues right around it, leaving general readers oblivious if I'd not referenced the private content here in this public line ;)

5:00 PM

Speaking of Joanne, she's just given me an idea for the direction of this site that's fucking, brilliant!!!

Seriously, we oughta be in some kind of development team generally: the way she suggests something I'd not have thought of, then I'll add to that, then she'll add to my addition, then me then her then back and forth - ideas ramp-up from a basic thought to "We got enough? Lets do it!" so quickly it's like the seconds hand on a watch: both alternatively tacking new shit to the original thought..

Fast as: tick-tick-tick-tick-"K, I'll start on that!".

And I am indeed about to get started on it, because that woman has given me a broader direction for the site to branch off on.

Like two halves of the same brain: equally creative and with just enough difference in perspective so we're both appending something different with each additional tick.

Right, anyway..

2:17 PM

Time to start skimming through this boring case-study for the boring final exam I suppose.. first to test out this colour-associated private writing with another colour and person, or two.. and while I'm only messing around to amuse myself at the moment yeah..

Joanne can have purple since she's been pretty much entirely a positive association - the only exceptions being the very rare snippy moments when the assignment stress-levels were peaking here and there and we were all getting a bit short tempered with each other.

Plus a functioning password before I start writing things specifically for her to test it out for me: pay me back for the ongoing supply of 'best-of' podcast episodes she asks me to send to avoid her rolling the dice on hit-and-miss shows.

Think I'll create an entirely new stylesheet too, to provide a light theme option - now I've got working cookies and can very easily impliment user preferences.

More user friendly too, to have the option for a light theme since a lot of people wouldn't have the same affinity for dark visuals as I do.

There's little on earth that makes me feel better than leveraging my own creativity to remind myself just how stunningly intelligent I really am.

11:37 AM

Wait a minute, course there's no reason I'd have to limit myself to only six people because there's six colours - I can assign as many people as I like to any colour I like..

The displaying of restricted content is based on the name within the cookie - the colour set for any username is trivial.

Wednesday, 9th September 2020

11:59 PM

So there you go: wanna know what I've got to say to you personally? Just use your own name in the login box and any password at all.

11:19 PM

So I guess if I wanted to stick *strictly* to the confines of the visual theme and colour associations, I'd have 6 people I could write privately to using the half-dozen colours to match the word groups in the mood dialog.

Hmm, I know right where to start with them, anyhow.

7:46 PM

I've just realized there's really no reason why the only two assigned cookies have to be either Admin for me or Lurker for everyone else: no reason whatsoever why any name a lurker enters can't be used as their guest username - I'll fix that.

Done and sorted: any name you enter will now be used for $user_alias.

And with that simple additional functionality, I can now add shortcodes that allow me to write lines that're only visible to specific people.

Joanne for example, with one very easily added shortcode to get_content() - joanne:: instead of par:: - all I have to do is a super-simple if ($_COOKIE[$cookie_name] == "Joanne") {print $line[1]}; to set that text to only print when the page is loaded *if* the cookie username is Joanne.

Same for any name at all and I'll start adding additional shortcodes in a minute I think.

God I'm good.

Additionally, with just a few lines of javascript I could set the password field in the login page to not even be visible unless it's my name that's entered, which would mean all anyone reading the site would need to enter is their name then click submit.

6:28 PM

Now to draw a better Lurker icon..

4:46 PM

I've re-arranged the functions that exist within guido.php so he's now a 100% bona-fide object-oriented class: a literal programming object - calling any of guido's functions now creates a new instance of the class or in other words, a new Guido Possum.

What this means is that rather than having snippets of simultion-guido code spread around from arsehole to breakfast throughout the site in this script or that script then eventually trying to string all the various tiny bits of scattered code together to form the illusion of a cohesive persona, he will now be completely self-contained within his class and not only functions but all properties he would have if he were a real-world object can be kept within the class.

Just as a real-world entity would have an appearance, a mouth, arms and legs, a brain, personality, likes and dislikes, guido the class can have these properties all contained within himself - maybe minus the arms and legs, since he's not a real-world object and has no use for appendages.

How I go about constructing that self-contained possum object will probably get to be more complicated and difficult than it sounds, but we will figure that shit out as we come to it.

He'll never be any bleeding-edge Artificial Intelligence who breaks free of the site to fuck roam the internet fucking shit up if his own accord of course, and to start with all I want him to do is handle functions on the site with appeal and charm that website's don't have on their own, but who knows right.

2:52 PM

Can't believe I just deleted then completely re-wrote all the code that was handling that cookie, renamed several global variables plus re-wrote an entire function plus created an entirely new one within guido.php and did it all blind without checking any of it as I went AND not only didn't get a single error when I uploaded and refreshed the login and diary pages, but fixed the cookies so they're working perfectly..

I think they're working perfectly, anyway..

Fuck yeah! It's all working perfectly.. wow..

The one thing that bugs me slightly - and it's not an error at all, just not perfectly polished - is that after clicking submit at the login page then being forwarded to login.php, the latter doesn't *instantly* display your cookie is set, even though it is.

As I said though, this isn't at error but the way cookies have to be set in HTML pages: you can *only* set and get cookies within the headers that're sent before any html tags are outputted to the screen, so while the cookie is set in login.php as the page loads, it cannot get the contents of said cookie until the next page load... fuck this explaination is needlessly convoluted: I'll just add a redirect to auto-refresh login.php and it won't be an issue..

No, auto-reloading the page is clunky and not.. there's gotta be a better way..

1:10 PM

Surprisingly nice walking back in the rain a moment ago.

Think I'll shadow what I wrote last night since no combination of words have ever got through in the past and never will and for development purposes I've temporarily set this page to wipe the cookies set in the login page.

Tuesday, 8th September 2020

10:49 PM

Bye bye Shitt's Creek .. I'll miss that show..

8:39 PM

Tell ya what I'm still a bit happy about, is finding out about markdown.

Apparently it's been around a long time, but it wasn't until I started using github I found out it even existed, and as soon as I start using it it reminds me of the shortcode I created for here..

That's all this page is as far as I'm concerned: every time the page is viewed/loaded, all the html tags and styling is wrapped around each line as the get_content() script reads-in the *.diary file one line at a time and I created this purely as a way to quickly and easily update the diary without having to fuck around with all the HTML tags every line I add.

I still have to manually type-out the HTML tags for italic, bold and underline but that's pfft, nothing compared to having to start every line with the paragraph tag and all the styling parameters before I can even start typing what I wanna say.

Instead, I created a few shortcodes that are read in by the content script that scans for the 'par:(x3)' or any other shortcode, then snaps the rest of the line off, wraps it in paragraph tags with whatever style is required for Time, date, title, etcetera which allows me to not only add content quickly, but have consistency in my styling because it's all pre-written and I'm only stipulating the par, tim, tit, img or whatever at the start of each line.

Unlike markdown though, my script has entire subroutines and conditional statements comprising each shortcode and since get_content() scans every line in the *.diary file for the shortcodes I've created, any line that doens't start with one of those shortcodes is compeltely ignored so I can write whatever shit I like - take notes, paste links, whatever - in the file and only the lines I've started with a shortcode will be processed by get_content() then displayed as HTML here on the page.

So like markdown, but different and I think mine's better since it's more flexble and doesn't spew-out every line directly to the screen while styling all the shortcodes in more than just the boring black on white a *.md file consists of and I didn't need a whole team of contributers to create this: just me.

Necessity's the mother of invention, huh.

Then I find out that this html 'markdown' exists that does effectively what my shortcodes do, but in a less personalized manner and I'm still a bit chuffed that I'd created my own version of markdown here on the site, from scratch, purely to simplify my updating of the site then to subsequently discover *teams* of people have created markdown for the general public.

Yeah pretty cool.

Inventing my own technology from scratch out of a desire to streamline my diary's updating and make it less hassle, then seeing it's almost the same as a technology the internet nerds all collaborated as a group on, but still different enough to be original.

And you know as I continue to develop the site there'll be other solutions I come up with that aren't quite what other groups of people might come up with because I'm writing all the code specifically to do what I need it to do.

7:55 PM

Riiiight.. it's something to do with firefox - there's TWO cookies being created where I'm only creating one.

It works and only creates the single cookie in Chrome, but a quick Google search informs me plenty other people are having issues setting them in Firefox - so it's not my code that's fucking it up.

Just need to find the additional code that's doubtless required to band-aid the difference between the two browsers, though it's all still a pain in the arse since I can't go forward and start using it until I've got the little fuckheads to set correctly and reliably.

Course I don't know whether there're issues in Microsoft Edge or Safari because I haven't even opened either - who uses shitty browsers like that.

Starting to get too pissed to really mind either way too, so whatever maybe tomorrow.

3:39 PM

Listening to a podcast about dismantling the myth of the "self-made" man or woman - the notion that as long as you work hard and are virtuous everything will work out fine, when it reality there's so many occurances of help from other people along the way and even luck that influences how things turn out, that the idea that anybody can make themselves awesome with only themselves to thank is utter horseshit. So true.

You can test it very easily (in Chrome at least) by clicking the padlock at the left side the address bar, clicking "Cookies", then expand the "user" cookie: all it contains is the word "Lurker", though if you remove that cookie (NOT block it) you'll see the test line disappears when you refresh the page.

To re-install the cookie, go to the login page and type whatever in the user/pass fields - doesn't matter what you enter you'll still be marked a lurker at this point.

Maybe I should change the colour so private lines pop from the rest..

Don't know why I added the (Private Content - Login to view) actually, I'll get rid of that too.

2:27 PM

Right so the final online exam for programming is open until 9:00 PM this Friday the 11th, so I can relax today and start giving a fuck about the case-study tomorrow then sit it Thursday, then rush the last assignment - which I haven't even looked at let - due on the 14th.

That's only four days to get the assignment done but whatever - I'm much more interested in fucking 'round here than finishing the boring programming module anyway.

Speaking of which I've gotta pay another six months or so before I forget and start thinking about what I want to do with given Painted-dog Web Design is my ABN trading name and the reason I registered it over a decade ago, I should do something to focus myself on that 'stead of endlessly dribbling shit here for nothing.

Has to be bespoke, has to be professional and void of my insane rants and it has to be slick as shit through a goose - highlighting my skillset so anyone viewing it knows what they can have, but also not focused on individual small site delivery because people just use facebook pages for that shit now.

An expanded, online, interactive business card, more than a site.

1:29 PM

I'm going to start looking for a share place somewhere - anywhere - and just walk out if here; leave everything I can't carry behind.

If I really need money I can't cover I'll loan some from Michele - she's the only one who's ever given a fuck about my well-being and I'm quite sure she'd throw a few hundred my way given she knows this place is killing me slowly each day I'm here - like being burried alive one shovel-load at a time.

Living alone is fucking rubbish and I'm done with it, though I gave it a try - it's just fucked: I dunno what kind of person would be okay with coming home to an empty house day after day after day..

Not fucking me.

I would literally rather be homeless than come back to an empty place every day and I see some of the other fuckers around here: dragging their feet, all dead-eyed and grey-skinned - that'll be fucking me of I stay here as long as they have and fuck that.

Like two years of solitary confinement: I've fucking had enough.

12:00 PM

I swear I heard someone saying my name about an hour ago at Coles on the way out.

11:10 AM

Godamn Adobe really hold you to random with their software..

The very concept of having to actually pay for a fuckin bunch of 1's and 0's no matter what they do is an anathema to me, yet who really wants to use the shitcunt, bug-filled, free alternatives to the best software on the planet?

Monday, 7th September 2020

7:30 PM

What am I even thinking god.. nevermind.

2:09 PM

Saturday, 5th September 2020

6:36 PM

I'm finally creating a login page for the site, here.

I've already got it taking input, convert to escape characters (to prevent hack-happy bots and people using scripts by converting shit like ./\$#%@^ to their escape codes so no system commands can get through), validating that converted input (again for security and to strip whitespaces, special chars and slashes) then checking whether it matches a valid account or not.

Whether or not it hits on a registered account, it will still set cookies on the visitirs device - even for guests - but unregistered visitors are all assigned the alias "Lurker" and obviously Lurkers are still guests and will have no special access to anything once I start using account logins.

The benefits to being able to login and remember that login might not seem that great until your brain catches up with the mental scoffing you might've just done and you realize everything you do while using any site, app or software is based on cookies storing your login persistently, so once I've implimented that login/account functionality I'll be able to set pages to be accessible without locking the entire directory or having to use FTP to edit files: I can create editing scripts that'll allow me to do things without anything but a browser.

With cookies set I can check 'em with three lines of code from any other page on the site, so it's stupidly easy to utilize that login from everywhere on the site once these login page(s) are done.

Yeah working out surprisingly smoothly with barely an error to piss me off at all so far.

Before I've even started implimenting user accounts though - thinking it out as I do it - I've realized that a cookie that simply stores the username on a visitors machine would be so insecure it would be moronic: anyone can simply find the cookie, open it in notepad and change the username to whatever they like - the site would simply not know any better and give them whatever access that account name has.

A moment later though, I realized the solution is as simple as storing a random string of characters in another cookie that only the site knows: the site gets the username from one cookie, then validates that name with the second cookie's string of random text, which could be any shit I just type out myself for now like say, "sdf43gsdg43tr43r4H&HI8hPLO04gf3DWwf2534fxx48034jf".

No fuckin' way anyone's knowing that validation string and if it's not found by the site, the site will recognize the account isn't legitimate and instantly wipe all site cookies on the spot.

Simple :)

I'll do that now matter of fact, rather than procrastinating and not getting around to it until one day I log-in to the site to find a 10 kilobyte utility some arsehole with zero skill randomly downloaded then left running around the clock has found my site and fucked it..

Then I'll draw-up a little icon I can place in the top left of the screen in the menu-bar so I've got an instant visual indicator I'm logged-in on each page.

A little green tick to the left of my name, maybe.

The menu-bar sure needs some icons, with nothing but that little hamburger menu on the left and the time on the right.

1:06 PM

I swear every day when I go into town I seem to walk past Mandy - nine days out of ten at least.

Fucking small-town bullshit: with only one main street that's no sign from the universe, though it is a bit irritating.

I spose I probably don't actually hate or dislike her as much as I think because as easy as it is to write whatever nasty shit I like here on the site, I never feel hateful when I see her out in public - never feel hateful at all anymore: when I am in a shitty mood I usually feel nothing whatsoever about whoever I'm thinking about.

Course the occurance of periods of feeling nothing either way are increasing in frequency and happen even when I'm in a great mood.

Then again,.. whatever how can I make money outta my awesomely tuned eye for beauty..

Do this site, do a professional looking site at, do my dog cartoon...

None of those will make me money directly, though a polished site that's not affiliated in any way with all this crazy shit could at least be shown and handed-out to people, so that's what I should be doing.

The dog cartoon could make me money if I get a kids book together since I don't need to give a shit or even like kids to write a great book, though that would hobble the characters to stupid kid-freindly numbshits instead of the more complex, adult representations I had in mind for all that.

But hasn't even been started yet mm..

Friday, 4th September 2020

4:34 PM

Speaking of not giving a fuck, now the group-based Introduction to IT is finished I don't think I really give a fuck about the programming unit.

I can already program and don't give a shit for programming anything I don't care about - which is about all the content of that unit has been about.

I mean I'll flick through the case-study for the exam and get around to sitting for that, plus set aside a few days to do a half-arse job of the last assignment but really, the idea of being paid to sit at a keyboard like a monkey tapping-out irrelevent code I couldn't care less about doesn't really appeal to me that much.

That $100/hour sitting in a cafe on a kickarse laptop most likely doesn't include work I actually want to do, but the programming equivalent of what a fill-in disney animator does: drawing the shitty, repetitive crap the real animators can't be fucked drawing - the actual animators only draw every 10th frame while the fill-in arseholes do 90% of the work for fuck-all money.

Be the same with programming: some arsehole designs the software, then you get the boring snippets they don't want to bother with for a fraction the pay they get and all for the most minor role in development of a product you couldn't care less about.

Yeah I know 'You have to start somewhere', maybe, though programming skills can be aquired openly online now anyway and there's gotta be a faster way to get somewhere than being a keyboard-monkey for ten years to some company doing work you don't give a shit about..

And fuck these cheese and bacon balls: I swear there's some kind of addictive chemical in there - they're impossible to stop eating...

Thursday, 3rd September 2020

10:54 PM

And a new landing page image for /photobox/ while I'm here, why not..

7:56 PM

So many fucknuts on the news tonight whining and whailing for dead COVID victims..

As if you'd go on national television thinking anyone else gives a crap about your dead relative/husband/wife: make me wanna hurl up my toasted banana sandwich - anyone I've ever given a shit about are long gone, makes it so very easy to scoff at dickheads sniveling about losing other dickheads they cared about.

Not only do I literally not feel a fucking thing anymore, I can't even relate to a time when I did and it's remarkably liberating to not give a fuck about another living thing.

Not being weakened by attachment or emotion for other people.

7:12 PM

I've just gone through the various PHP scripts that handle the functionality in this section of the site to clean them up; removed some commented-out code, neatened it, added a paragraph or two at the top of each file explaining that modules purpose and a short TODO list for each.

As I was doing that I realized all the things I meant to do back when I branched-out and created /sandbox/ - like the console: written in java, I avoided getting too invoved with at the time since I'd not used it enough to know the syntax of the language, though most languages all look similar to one another the includes, the way the code is written and punctuation/format varies slighly between them but thanks to the admittedly bland Intro to Programming, I've been exposed to Java enough to be comfortable with it and can do more with the Console.

Course, one of the things I really wanted was to add site functions to the Console so I could write/send/check emails directly through it, execute commands using the console and login/logoff as well as change user settings with menus and options I add but that's still yeah: you've gotta be really careful adding those kinds of functions, to ensure everything entered is scanned and filtered thoroughly because using a terminal-style interface to issue direct commands to the site opens the entire server to hackers or rather hackers bots - since people don't sit and manually hack into systems, they just run utilities and tools that do it automatically - which is a serious security risk.

So many other things I was going to do a few months ago too and I'll soon have time enough to do it.

Not that I give a fuck whether or not you give a fuck about additional refinements and upgrades to the site, but I'm feeling like writing something and that's what's rolling around my head so that's what you've gotta read.

3:07 PM

I bought a new Logitech wireless keyboard/mouse set last week for $130 and you know, while I knew I didn't really need them - I've got several mice and a USB keyboard I bought only two months ago - I figured since I'll still be chained to the laptop several hours a every day until the last assignment final onlne exam for Intro to Programming are done, I may as well be as comfortable as possible while doing that, and both the mouse and keyboard are super-nice to use.

Occured to me today that I've still got my mother's number blocked on my phone, which makes almost six months now I've not had to respond to dross messages from someone who's too mind-numbingly medicated to be interested in anything and though here and there I've had the feintest tint of a thought that it's a bit unfriendly of me, I immediately remember that this is the bitch who never taught me a single lesson any human-being needs to navigate life successfully - parenting to this someone like her amounts to her spending 15 years indulging in her own need to feel needed and almost all the manipulative behaviour I ever learnt came from this bitch.

I remember wrting a letter to her when I was eighteen or nineteen that I gave to Deborah Smith to mail, disowning the woman way back then: Deb told me she'd sent the letter, then months later admitted she didn't actually mail it and though I couldn't ever get shitty at Deb, I wasn't pleased.

Weird though, given there's nobody else I dislike enough that I'd continually keep their number blocked on my phone, but also more peaceful withut the obligation to feign kindness to a woman who did such a fuckin' shit excuse for in me.

Right up until as recently as a year ago too any time I didn't bother replying to her texts for a few days, she would claim to be so worried 'something had happened to me' that she'd call the cops to report me missing: whether she did or not, what a fucking dumb bitch to be even trying shitty manipulations like that to get me to answer, when the cunt knows the reason she's not getting any texts from me is because I just don't give a fuck about her.

Yeah really nice.. the mouse is weighted with rubberized grips on the grooves running along the sides, and though they're identical on each side to suit left ad right-handed users, it still fits perfectly and feels excellent in your hand.

Most importantly, I've got complete control over my laptop from the other side of the room with the TV acting as a big screen and the mouse/keyboard being cordless, means I can sit on my bed and do everything while leaning against the wall on a bunch of pillows etcetera.

My next material objective is to find a way to get the fastest laptop I possibly can, which means a 2019 or 2020 gaming laptop because gaming machines always have twice the grunt of any other computers because gamers are whinging nerdy little bitch losers who'll complain about any shortcomings their hardware might have and because those games require so much hardware to run smoothly that everything else runs like a dream on any device made for gaming.

I will need a faster computer to facilitate my diving into more resource-hungry design software so I can start using all the applications I want and not be limited to photos for design.

Around $3500 I'll need for a gaming laptop worth spitting on and I've no fuckin' idea where I'd get that money - spose by getting more work and saving it, though with that I'll be able to create 3D characters and animation, super-detailed illustrations, artwork and video editing of all that animated media.

Open my options up to more than just text-editing website shit and editing the flat, small images which are all my current laptop can handle before it starts losing it's shit and slowing to a crawl on me.

Other plans I've got for when this study period is finally over, well there's heaps - least of all a new script for here that creates empty posts each month so I don't end-up cramming 4 months into a 200+ pages post purely because of procrastiation and laziness and, actually I can start on that tonight I guess: I've given myself a few days break from studying after the two monnths straight of back-to-back Technomalia group assignments, though it has to be said I geniunely feel like the SmartPet-20 is an actual device and genuinely feel like I know the little fucker inside and out just from having thought about its design for so long.

I've also switched from the text editor I was using and downloaded Microsoft Visual Studio: very slick, very expensive software that - like all the other industry-leading software I've downloaded in the last few months - is completely free to me as a student.

I asked our tutor how long we'll have use of all these top-shelf applications and suites for and he told me it depends on the individual companies but that he has software that's still fully funcitonal from his student days a decade or more ago.

Really, Adobe's suite of applications are the only ones I really don't want to lose and they're the only company that still charge a subscription fee to use - even for students - but their student rate is so low compared to their full rate that I'm quite happy to cough-up the money, but I do miss the days before all these companies went to a subscription-based model when I could simply download software then find a product keygenerator, crack it and own it for nothing..

Now, there's no possible way to get out of paying for the really good software because you have to have an account, have to be logged-in and have to pay what they want you to if you want their software and yeah I've just checked: the full price for most Adobe applications is $29/month per app, with their "All apps" bundle almost yeah wow, $900/year - as a student I'm currently paying only $252/year for every app they make.

Well, technically you no doubt *can* still crack all this software but it requires you dig a lot deeper into warez sites and download cracks that will fuck around with the actual software installations for the apps you want and they can filth-up - or completely ruin - your system very quickly: the keygens of a decade ago simply gerated random product keys in nice clean string of text you'd copy/paste into whatever software you were registering and SNAP: fully registered product that still functions perfectly.

Speaking of laptops, Joanne wants me to tell her whether the Macbook Pro she's looking at is worth buying: I told her to find out the model number of the machne she's currently using so I can google it and tell her, though she's gotta dig around in her system settings and find the model number since there's nothing brinted on the base of the laptop. Wonder whether she's done that yet or not..

I also downloaded this entire /sandbox/ site and created a git repostory for it - just like that I've added full version control to every file, in every directory.

Anyway new post writer.. what will I call it..

Nothing - I won't name it: that's stupid - it's not a project, just a program that will spit out blank post pages.

Wednesday, 2nd September 2020

3:56 PM

I've created a new logo for the site: a snake turning inwards on itself, which makes me want to change the mood analysis script to stop it changing the colour of all the titles and text to match the colour of whatever word-group is most dominant, actually.

For a while now I've been meaning to get rid of the tiny, low resolution dogs eye since I don't have the original so given I've got all the software now and am spending so much time in that software, what's an hour to draw-up a new one.

I've also started editing everything on the laptop now before uploading it, means I've always got the most recent copy of the most recent diary on my machine opposed to editing the file directly on the server then worrying about never creating manual backups.

I mean the site creates backups anyway but I've got no idea how often or where they're stored OR how to restore those backups - they're automatically handled by some software within CPanel and I've never had the need to use it.

Tuesday, 1st September 2020

2:52 PM

This is my contribution for the Group Presentation Joanne and myself did and which - overall - turned out a lot more impressive than the soundless cartoons bouncing around the screen below.

I wanted to add sound effects as well, but only finished the animations themselves last night while Joanne re-created the Presentation itself, because her external drive is ratshit and corrupted the video she used in the first attempt.

Really, her characters we surprisingly well acted and - combined with the stock video samples of happy dogs and cats she downloaded, the animated headings, transitions and pro-sounding delivery of her voice-over about the product.. yeah the sequence below was just one part of the finished product, which again, turned out very well considering how little time we spent on it.

First time either of us had used the software we used in creating the presentation too, so we did alright for a rushed job.

Pity we didn't start on it weeks before we did: I could've added moving clouds, shadows, little squeaky bouncing sounds and all kinds of more polished shit, but we put off actually starting for far too long - being unable to decide on a direction/format for the presentation.

Finally it's sorted I can go do something more useful than fuck with a shitty video tag that should've worked to start with.

Monday, 31st August 2020

6:43 PM

Joanne is still trying to get Adobe Rush to create the presentation and has vowed to stay at work, in the office, until it's done and submitted.

Poor Babe.. she's going to miss 4corners!

Bizaar too, that I finally got around to picking her star-sign last night and got it right first time: strange because it's not the first time I've done that with people - once I've known them long enough to get familiar with their mannerisms - and it's never a random guess, but an estimate based on personality traits I've observed and narrowed down to 2-3 possible signs that share a few key features.

The general summary of each sign I drummed into myself years ago, while I spent that twelve month period dating cheap sluts online through dating apps and scrutinized the 12 zodiac personality traits while drawing comparisons between all the women I'd talk to, what they wrote in their profile text and how they were to engage with - now all I need is enough time to get an impression of a woman then accurately tell her which sign she is.

Almost always on the first attempt too.

Saturday, 29th August 2020

11:35 AM

Still gotta finish the site; finish smoothing the text here and add some arbitrary text to the others plus copy the profile header and update everyone else's .. stuff, finish the product page, find some way to help Joanne get the presentation finished, add whatever crap I've gotta add to the submission document..

Think that's it..

Thursday, 27th August 2020

6:24 PM

Sorted: nobody was let down today.

The box design itself was no masterpiece, though not ugly: after spending somewhere in the order of 90 minutes on the kind of beautiful design I wanted to have her holding while she acts-out our presentation video - with layered, transparent and slightly glassy-looking clouds all stacked to blend smooooothly into one another - it got to the point I'd started realizing how complicated it was getting and wondered how I could possibly extend the clouds around the four side faces of this box, because they obviously have to extend around the box seemlessly or there's no point going to so much trouble.

Anyhow I check the time at one point and see my phone is reporting "4:45 PM", I've still only got two sides looking nice enough to even pass as print-ready and Joannes leaving work in an hour at the latest so I told her we'd just have to fuck that idea off and I'll start another one that's stupid-siple, but done quickly..

Barely 5 minutes later, I've got the print-ready layout below done and emailed to both her work and student email accounts, plus uploaded to our groups Microsoft Teams File tab - just in case the emails didn't go through..

Told you it was stupid-basic, though it's thematically in context with the rest of the product visuals I've created - with the sky/cloud blue/white colour combination - and apart from how unprofessional looking the text on the sides are it'll do: it's only got ta serve as a prop for her to waggle around and talk lovingly towards in her video and it'll serve that purpose quite well :)

Joanne herself said it was perfect before printing several full-colour, high quality copies on some kind of sexy thick matte paper she had and you wouldn't even want to use your home printer for those, because that's an A3 page filled entirely with that deep, azure blue.. imagine how much ink that'd chew-up - goodness.

Anyway I am also quite pleased with myself for managing to adjust to finding the colours I wanted with the CMYK colour pickers: it's only one additional base colour to the standard RGB colour profiles used for. well anything on a screen because screens invariably use RGB colour profiles, the entire arrangement means simply adjusting the sliders to change colour is,.. yeah it's just different.

That's not the clearest explaination right, though I've had a few glasses of Drambuie and I'm starting to get a bit tired/relaxed/sloppy to be writing in a properly focused manner, but basically, RGB = Red|Green|Blue (Yeah I know everyone knows that shuddup I'm going somewhere with this), and after spending years mixing those three sliders you get used to exactly how the sliders go for mixing the various secondary colours right.

CMTK = Cyan|Magenta|Yellow and Black, and so the colour-mixing itself is completely different when there's not only no red or green or blue to start with, but Yellow.. why isn't RGB RGY come to think of it? Mmm..

I'm sure that if I asked, Google would tell me in ~0.352 seconds that it's got something to do with the manufacturing of the displays we use; that it's either too expensive to use physical screen emittors that illuminate the colour yellow OR that the raw materials that colour the tiny individual illuminating pins are easier or more abundantly available for Red, Green and Blue while Yellow is some deep-earth rare-arse bullshit but fuck y'know, Yellow is a primary colour - it makes so much more sense to use the three primaries than use Green and consequently use a weird combination of all three (red green AND blue) simultaeneoulsy just to squeeze a poorly looking dirty-yellow facsimile of the real thing..

I didn't ask of course, because I don't need google to tell me when my own logic can answer me twice as quick as even Google can that there's only 2 possible answers to the question: it's either too expensive or too difficult.

Urgh .. I just had a few drops of Drambuie find it's way into my lungs on the way down.

Fuck that was horrid.

Anyway, again, CMYK uses completely different colours so mixing those colours is completely different - almost feels alien actually - HOWEVER there's a HUGE benefit to using CMYK especially now lots of TVs and monitors support displaying that colour-profile: you get MUCH, much greater depth of colour with CMYK and now I've started using it, I'm going to continue using it and BANG - all my drawings, diagrams and images will be smoother, richer and more realistically coloured.

Give me more colours to actually choose from, too.

I'm bored of typing now incidentally, so I'm done doing it for tonight.

Tomorrow Joanne's starting on her video and I've gotta continue with the site until she's got something to show me because Sunday's still the deadline and we still have a reasonable amount of work to do.

1:40 PM

Right: quick laptop restart and I've two hours to create apple-grade box artwork; in centimeters and CMYK colour for a printer I've never seen or used.

Spose I can give myself until 4:30 PM if I'm really having an agonizing OCD moment over the placement of objects on the design, though it's really gotta be more or less ready to print by 4:00.

This is our randomly chosen but product-size-appropriate box: square like we want and thick enough to be high quality device packaging..

1:20 PM

Gotta get home.. gotta get home.. can't let Joanne down!

12:00 PM

Today, we've gotta make a product box, with my rushing home in time to have a few hours to create the box artwork our Joanne will then print on the laser colour printer at work before she goes home and finds a way to stick it to a nice looking box she's found.

Gotta be done this afternoon/evening so she has her prop for the presentation video she's doing tomorrow because she's got the day off: a several minute video parody of a social influencer/wanker - promoting our pet safety device.

I wondered how she'd pull that off but then I considered: she's a north-shore girl; I'm sure she's seen enough pretentious skanks to take the piss outta one pretty well - just imagine the mole patrols would've been at the high-school she would've attended.. she'll know the type well enough to parody one just fine, I do believe 

1:27 AM

That's better..

Wednesday, 26th August 2020

11:12 AM

How cute is this: Joanne got busy last night creating publicity and sponsored events for the group :)

I'm unsure how it fits into the assignment but the QR code works and we would have to pay them to adopt dogs as ugly as that.

Still, it's creativity from someone else for a change 😊

Oh and this: the Moose-filled article :)


Sunday, 23rd August 2020

11:51 PM

I know you're reading Joanne - you can't help yourself :)

That's alright: the fact you cannot help yourself demonstrates you require mental enagagement and lifting the hood to see what's happening inside my head at any given moment will certainly give you that.

Unlike most people, who pretend they're keeping their inner thoughts private when they just don't have anything going on in their heads worth sharing, I always have so many layers of thought and emotion churning away like a cauldron you'll never run out of engagement reading my brain.

Saturday, 22nd August 2020

9:20 PM

Here's the page I'm currently updating, the product page:

I've realized as I'm editing another diagram in Illustrator however, that there's so many aspects of the device that just haven't been done by anyone: not by them because the blind are busy following the blind - mindlessly re-wording text from any 'pet wearables' sites they can run their eyeballs over - and I haven't added any deeper functioning or logical development to the device because I'm tired of coming up with all the original ideas while everyone else just copy/pastes shit from the net.

The problem with this whole arrangement started a few weeks ago, when we got the grade/marking for our last group assignment and found the marker had commented in some pretty arsehole-ish criticisms of the original idea: again that was mu idea - adding advanced AI and mood detection to the collar - and it was a fucking great idea that set our collar above everything on the market today.

Basically the gist of the markers comments where that it couldn't be done, which I still think is garbage quite frankly because well just look around your house at all the things that "Couldn't be done" only 20 years ago - we're surrounded by shit that was mere science-fiction not that long ago and I said all that then went off in class that week telling Anthony what an arsehat the person who marked our assignmnet was and how we shouldn't be fed discouraging shit like that just because the guy who marked it has personal shit going on or 'issues' to deal with.

Few days later, Anthony (the course co-ordinator and our Class-A tutor for Intro to IT) sorted the marks, gave me 5/5 for the site and full marks for the idea, then gave us his suggestion: that maybe we just make the collar a *little* less ambitious so it's something we can accomplish or whatever - he's always super-nice and he was super-nioce this time too, course.

So the group all meets-up in Teams or Whatssapp for a chat session and while I'm telling everyone we need to double-down and lean into the original idea but simply find a way around the millions of animals we would need for research, the rest of the group panicked: starting with Shane whose opinion was that we should just get rid of everything and just have a GPS collar, one by one they all folded like wet tissue and agreed, so by the end of the session everyone had decided a boring, unoriginal, bland vanilla GPS collar would be all we would have time to do and that was probably about the time I stopped bothering to argue with them - if re-making the wheel struck then as an acceptable product for the group to sepnd another month 'designing' then so be it - certainly easier since there's a hundred GPS tracking collars already all over the internet - in some cases for as little as $69! What ingenuity right?

Since then, yeah since then most of the group has done little more than read about existing GPS devices for pets then copy what they've read into the endless word doc that's now at ~15,000 words when we could've easily have put everything we actually needed into that doc with no more than 5,000 words - yet STILL tehy just keep on adding more!

ALL the creativity - from the product to the site to the images and circiut digram itself - has come from me and come from me since week 1 of this groups formation.

Wait, I'm ranting - that wasn't what I was going to do actually.. not that it all didn't need to be said because it's fucking true: we've got a group full of uninspired bores purely because a few weeks ago they chose the blandest, most uninspiring idea suggested by the least inspirational, least creative member of the group and now we've got a device and assignment that's just as boring and lacking in creativity as the mind that suggested it.

I need to create a user Quick-start guide - that was actually what I wanted to write.

The SmartPet-20 would need to have it's own software/app pre-installed of course, and nobody's given a thought for that because tehy've been busy reading about other peoples pet wearables in an attempt to simply *copy* what has already been done - instead of contributing creative thoughts to our own device like should've been happening all along.

Get what you deserve though, for blindly agreeing with the weakest minds in the room.

On the upside though, I've become SO much better with Adobe software in the past few weeks - as the device design below demonstrates: a design that only took me 2 hours from start to finish for all three views.

WEEKS of constantly messing-round with the software is why.

Friday, 21st August 2020

9:42 PM

And there's my afternoon's work: the design for the physical device itself..

42mm x 42mm x12mm - about the size of a snartwatch but thinner and smoother so it would feel excellent in your hand and with a silicon strap molded into the case at the back to thread any collar through - I wanted a complete collar with band and all but the less creative in the group managed to convince the others the extra few centimeters of strap would - somehow - make the device not a feasible thing to make, which makes zero sense but the rest of the group aren't exactly visionaries so they pretty much went sheep-like and nodded along with the clip-on idea.

That was meant to be the design-pro Tara's job - product design - but she turned out to be completely fucking useless and quit the entire course two nights ago leaving me with her work, which didn't tale long as it turned out and shat all over her mock-up design anyhow.

To be honest I'm shocked by the lack of creativity in the group as a whole.

Joanne is the only one other than myself who's shown even a scrap of imagination and she created a new logo for the group a few days ago, but she's the only one who's done any more than re-write other peoples ideas from the net to a single word document that's just an ungodly endless wall of text - 50-odd pages long: gives me a migraine just trying to look at that much text honestly.

Here's Joanne's logo though it's pretty cute: I traced her original to save her having to pay $40 to the site she used to create it, but it's exactly how she made it...

Sadly, that's the only visual output Joanne's created since she's been stuck with the mindless research crap thinking she wasn't creative enough to have anything to offer in the visual-design department, when she does.

Not only does she, but had Joanne snatched the reigns off Tara from the beginning we'd have kicked the out this assignment and created something remarkable.

Anyway our group is down to 4 now, though I've already told Joanne she might as well start coming to terms with Annisa not doing anything because Annisa's been bone-idle the rest of the assignment to date, so it's really down to three of us.

We did get an extension of another week on submission, though we're all getting sick of thinking about this farking collar/device/project - it's been two months of nothing but - collar collar collar..

Tuesday, 18th August 2020

6:29 PM

I'm going to miss Joanne.

After two months of her popping-up on all my screens most nights, how could I not.

Yeah the others are alright too sure, but most of our conversation and focus has gone into engaging one another over the past couple weeks because we're remarkably similar in attitudes and beliefs, because she never objected to me honing my focus in on her and I sure as shit haven't minded having my focus honed-in on her - not at all.

She's also just flat-out lovely; has confided in me privately when she's been upset about things and she's given me someone to be nice towards for months now; instead of the snarky sarcastic attitude I'd generally settle into as a default stance.

A fucking catch and a half for some lucky arsehole, she will be.

And yeah she has the url for here and can read if she chooses to.

So fucken' what?

It isn't like I'm stating anything but what's obvious to anybody with a pair of eyeballs in their head or stammering proclaimations and propositions - I'm merely pointing out some typical observations as an a-typical observer and I don't believe there's any law against saying simple nice things to/about someone who has been very nice to me.

Anyway the version 1.1 update of the groups site.. on with it.

Sunday, 16th August 2020

1:33 PM

Okay so one of the things I brought up at Thursday's group voice call was the fact that since we started designing this collar nobody has once mentioned anything whatsoever about how the device will be constructedf as far as individual components actually plugging into other components: nobody had even mentioned so much as how large a battery we wanted or whether we'd be wirelessly charging or have a USB plug.

Without any kind of discussion about the interconnectivity of all the collars various components (both software and hardware), we may as well make the fucking thing out of lego blocks and just pretend it's an electronic device because all we've been doing is saying "Let's add this or that" and "We'll have the app connect to the collar like blabla and have this sensor plus that sensor", so the group agreed I should create a diagram to show how all the components are married to each other as a reference point, which I've finshed ahead of schedule actually..

Anyway here's that diagram and I'm not adding any more granular detail to it - that's for Joanne and Shane to yawn their way through and I've basically created the product and all it's functionality so I've done my bit.

You're welcome, group.

Now I've gotta create the entire menu structure for the app - even though the app is Annisa's job - because nobody's given a thought for how that will work plus Annisa is a 20 year-old Mummy's girl who won't figure it our herself and then I've got a week to create a 10-15min animated presentation to go with Joanne's naration since she'll be our voice because, well because she's got a beautiful voice and manages to sound professional at the same time.

Before the animation even begins though, Joanne and I need to sit down and write a script for her to be reading: all this needs to be written, edited and completed ready for submission by next Sunday - one week.

Thursday, 13th August 2020

11:38 PM

So I was expecting a video conference tonight and we ended-up doing voice only, which turned out to be much more flexible since we didn't need to be sitting in front of our phones for 2+ hours and could edit the group word doc as we talked.

Most importantly we all assigned tasks to each other with a deadline for this sundays next group call, so everyone has a manageable chunk to get done by then which I think stopped everyone feeling like there's no direction going on and no way we'll get the assignment done at all.

Tara was absent completely, but what can you do *shrug* - she's got the physical device design to get more or less done by Sunday and all I've gotta do is create a flow diagram of how all the hardware and software components will go together, which isn't actually such a small or easy task but better than agonizing over how the thing should look and feel in your hand.

3:33 PM

You know, I saw Mandy today while I was out who asked whether I was well - I didn't even bother registering the question: who wants to hear that you feel like your soul has been ripped out and the world might look clearer without the permanent opiate cloud flooding your blood but it's also colder, harder, less interesting and fuckin pft.

I saw her in that little hole in the wall clothing shop while I was walking past and after I'd drank a coffee, just spontaeneously decided to get two before leaving the shopping centre and take one to her on the way through, which I did, though I didn't feel any particular way about it and barely said 10 words before swinging the door open and leaving.

Not even sure why I did that really - probably because I've basically ignored the woman every time I've seen her on the street and felt like a cunt, and a coffee seemed like a small way to acknowledge her *shrug*

Literally like there's a hollow where all the positive thoughts, motivations and feelings have been for years now just ripped away, leaving just a hole of nothing.. a vacuum.

I mean I know the core of who I am is still in here and hasn't changed, but how long will it take for that core to stretch out to fill the empty space that's just been created? weeks? months? years?


Couple hours I've got a video conference with the study-group, which is fine though the last one we had didn't really accomplish anything - just 5 people looking at themselves in their phone window while one person states the obvious to the rest of us, then asks whether we all agree and of course everyone does agree, but yeah.. the group is now floundering around trying to find direction with Tara still off cracking the pissies because I told her to get her lazy arse to github and clone a repository a week ago which apparently offended her, Annisa only stops by for the video calls so she can admire how pretty she is in her own phone screen and nod alot, which leaves Joanne and Shane: both are frantically trying to add features to this collar on their own because it's been all work and no play in this study group for so many weeks that it's no longer fun, and when it's no longer fun people lose interest - and have.

Still, we've gotta have the meeting and have to grind our way through Assignment-03/05 whether we want to or not, but I can't see the same mark being given this time because the group has imploded pretty much.

The other major issue that's affecting everybody is the collar idea itself: we've been doing nothing but this fucking collar for almost two months now and we're just all tired of the concept.

Wednesday, 12th August 2020

2:52 PM

Day seven today and this morning I finally got 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep - from about 6:00-9:00 - which I know for certain, because I dreamed intensely.

I legitimately cannot recall a moment of sleep in the past week previous to this, which sounds impossible since nobody could spend a week without sleep and not be left feeling exhausted, but all night, every night, every joint has felt like bugs have been crawling inside them and no sleep ever happened because I could not stop shifting and moving and flexing just to relieve that fucking horrible sensation.

Anyway I've gotta have a shower and shave then come and draw-up a physical prototype for this collar because - though Joanne and Shane are like the researchers of the group and do a fkn great job of writing-up reports, I'm the only one with any visual ability and if I dont create it, nobody else will have so much as a sketch of this product proposal by the 28th - let alone by tomorrow night.

I'm still pretty tired mind you, but without the opiate-induced cloud of fogginess I'm not probably as tired as I should be and I thought in Assignment-02 that Tara would take the reigns of the visual designer, only to find that after two weeks all she had to show was an auto-created template the software itself created and a few plaguerized images she'd ripped-off the first competition collar site she found - no original output whatsoever.. unblelievable really.

So I've gotta make it all look pretty: that's my primary function so we have something more to look at on the 28th than only text in a PDF.

Tuesday, 11th August 2020

10:23 AM

I've disrupted my study group pretty well and why not: after five days shaking like a leaf anytime I have to leave the house and wanking like, literally 7 times a day when I *am* home just to try and squeeze out any momentary endorphin hit I can get, I'm finally starting to feel not only normal and non-twitchy, but downright energetic while simultaneously bored with the vanilla niceties of random group chat sessions and missing teammates we've gotta drag into collaborations by their fucking hair to get the little bitches in the same place as the other three of us.

We got 91.5% for the last group assignment but not without demanding adjustments being made to our score and this assignment is twice the detail in the same timeline.

Sunday, 9th August 2020

1:18 AM

Right so since I'm still not asleep because I'm detoxing cold-turkey off opiates again after two years of gulping the shit down, I've decided to start drinking some more assuming that might get me calm enough to sleep.

I'm on about my fifth shot so excuse any typoes.

And don't get me wrong - we're on day three now so there's really not much longer to go and none of my limbs feel compelled to twitch or jump around anymore which is fuckin great right, but I was thinking I might update this waste of fuckin' space with our recent group assignment exploits which might activate my brain enough to stop be feeling like .. this.

The latest assignment - We'll just call it Number 02 because I've already used the word 'assignment' several times in just a few paragraphs: the arsehole who marked it gave us a 77.5% (or something liek that I'm too lazy to look it up but it's pathetic) and - at first - the group was disappointed by this until I saw that he only two problems that cost us marks were the write-up I typed-out at the last minute about the product and the fact that I'd made 522 commits while creating the website - which can be found here: and don't look at me about the name - that was Joanne's idea and nobody else was saying shit so we went with it and I registered the domain for added polish.

Starting to get hard to see the screen - even being on a 70cm TV screen fuck me dead.

Anyway, after a moments thought I saw how many holes there were in this arseholes mark for our assingment and told the group what a fucking outrage it was and that I am going to email Anthony (our course co-ordinator) and tell him all the ways this arsehole wronged us.

After a few minutes though, we decided as a group that Joanne might be a more diplomatic choice and she wrote a well, diplomatic, email to Anothony that was much less outraged than mine would've beena nd that was good - she carboned everyone in the group into the email and we all got a copy.

Then the online class started and I near-on instantly started yarping at Anthony about how "Deeply upset" we are about the shitty grade and vitriolic comments we got for our submission - given we are on the FIRST level of the degree and who is this arsehole to be telling US our idea sucks, and Anthony tells me to email him an email of my own, which I don't bother to do because - like I said- I've been twitching in opiate withdrawls for several nights straight now and really couldn't give less of a fuck if I tried, though I'll have to soon because I've got lots of shit to do if I want to pass Programming and not l;et this litte team down for assignment 03.

Yeah I'm too pissed now .. I'll finish this in the morning.

We can cut all the filler though and jump to the conclusion here: Anthony has upped our mark to 81.5 and with the +10% for the spark-PLUS group review we'll crack over 90% and our tutor wants to talk to us all after the tuesday lesson about how awesome we all.

Bitching and complaining works.

If I can hold down another two shots and I'll be ready to sleep, I think and maybe sleep well for the first time in several nights.

I can't even be fucked reading back what I've wrrote, but whatever right? :)

Tomorrow and monday I have over a fortnights Intro to Programming assignment to finish - if I wanna pass that shit, which I kinda do, I guess? but really I just want to draw my dog and develop him as a metaphor and this fuckin university shit is getting in the way.

BUT, I got 80% for two days rushed work for the last programming assignment and didn't even follow the PDF criteria, so yeah I should be fine - long as I finish the program I've branched off on my own to create - that lists how ex girlfreinds are fucked.

The tutor is indian though, so I'll assume he distrusts women as much as I do now.

34,510 words.

See I used to write 30,000 words every month - when there was someone worth writing for.

Pity, but whatever.

Saturday, 8th August 2020

4:35 PM

Y'know if I could JUST get a stable loving environment I'd be fucking stable and loving and fine.

Instead I'm drinking a bottle of scotch just to give me a reason to sit upright long enough to squeeze in as much of this fucking assignment as I can before falling asleep.

Can't wait for this stupid fucking shit to end so I can go back to drawing my dog - least that's expressive and saves me writing a million words that mean nothing anyway.

Friday, 17th July 2020

11:06 AM

I've re-enabled the WordPress installation ( because, well why not: there's a lot of writing in there and whether I use it or not there's no reason to keep it inaccessible

I've also created an organization for our group on GitHub, registered the domain ( and have until Sunday night to populate the pages with the groups work, which they're still finalizing themselves but of particular note: small as it is, I created the whole site with only a text editor and with very little needing to reference google for help with any code syntax now I've started memorizing most of it.

In the past few weeks, I've also registered in case I ever get around to doing something with a cartoon version of Guido - a kid's book or the like - plus for an online resume - and most importantly: I've registered the Australian business domain to match my Australian business ABN trading-name: Painted-dog Web Design

The domain of the first site I ever created back in 2003 along with the ABN and every intention of starting my own web design business, until I realized that one person cannot be an entire company: with accounts & billing, terms & conditions of service/legal, advertising, marketing, technical support all must-haves, the list of things a business like that requires to operate goes on and I'd only realize this as I progressed through create one site for a mate and having him want neverending changes for his 'mates discounted' $300 static site - "Can you just change this text and that colour and move that right and my sister created a new logo can you replace the old one too?" - and it dawned on me as I did all this I needed a sales department to sort out exactly what a client wants and tell them exactly what they're getting who would then pass that brief on to the designers who would do what was in the brief and any further changes would cost more money, which billing would handle in an actual company.

But that was 17 years ago and I knew fuckall compared to what I do now - not about business, but web-design.

I still know fuckall about business, but I know I can be a sole-trading developer charging according to a set hourly rate and I know the more I know the more I can do.

A better starting point obviously is to approach the venture as a single, freelance developer who with a range of skills in front-end design and back-end development and to educate myself in other technologies/platforms so I'm flexible enough to plug-and-play like a drop-in module.

I have no time to create the site at the moment and since work resumes on Monday when schools go back, I'll have even less time for a while, but I can start thinking about it: start planning and visualizing - running ideas back & fourth around my head and take notes of what I come up with.

Anyhow, for the time being I've not only grabbed the domains, but also created completely separate, isolated sites for each one so they're not simply running from Psychaesthetic's public_html/ folder and have their own FTP logins plus email servers and created an admin@ mailbox for each of these new sites but also: now I know about the wonders of Github, I'll create a private repository for each site before I do anything with them so I'll not only have a backup of every file with full version control of every change and the ability to revert back and forth as needed, I'll also have a secure way to allow anyone else to collaborate or contribute to any future project(s) without *ever* having to give open access to my actual web server which means I can ask other users on github for help without any risk to my live sites - at all.

Thursday, 9th July 2020

6:25 PM

Tell you what else I learnt me this week in IT: Week 5 - Security.

Australia has the most intrusive IT data regulations in the world, with our government not simply requesting ISPs hang on to every byte of data about every site, upload, download, email and text we send but mandating it by law: by law, every Internet Service Provider is *required* by the government to keep all our data from every device that connects through *every* network for a period of two years.

We also talked in last nights lesson about this Covid-"Safe" app: an app that copies your personal contact details - invisibly and automatically - to every stranger you walk past on the street: as long as any two people with this app on their phone get close enough to be within bluetooth's reach, then whatever contact info you have in your phone is copied to every strangers phone in that area and bluetooth has a range of generally 20 meters or so, which is far, far further away than even covid-19 itself can reach.

All it takes is a bug in the Covid-Safe app or a hack that can be downloaded and anyone can get anyones details simply by walking near them on the street or in a supermarket and even the USA - always the target of conspiricies about government spying on citizens, even the USA can't get an app like this Covid-Safe shit cleared for use in the general populace, yet Australians just download and install it like dumbshits without even a thought for whether it works or not, which it doesn't: on Q&A this week Virginia Triolli was grilling one of our liberal ministers about the Covid-Safe app and he had to admit on national TV that the app has so far successfully detected only 1% of all infections - or was it 1 case all up? Can't remember which but the success-rate for the app is so pityfully low people are starting to wonder why the government would still be encouraging it's citizens to put their personal privacy at SO MUCH risk for an app that - to all practical extents - simply doens't do what it was supposed to do.

But yeah: I always figured the USA was the country that did the heaviest monitoring of the populations digital activities - because of 9/11 and that whole paranoia of terrorists thing, but turns out right HERE, Australia is the worst country for that.

I also learnt that nobody who values their privacy should EVER connect to a public wifi network - especially at places like libraries - because there's many, many things the provider of that wifi can do to gain access to information on your device once you're connected to their network.

And next week we'll be given an introduction and crash-course in some of those very tools nefarious network administrators and 'bad-guys' use to hack, phish and malware information from other peoples devices.

Sick of hearing bullshit on the news from boffins and doctors pretending they know everything about COVID-19 too: I go into town every day still, and every day I see that the only people who give a fuck about that virus now are people who stand to get sick enough to actually die themselves if they catch it - they're the old farts in masks staying two meters away while almost everyone who appears relatively healthy are just carrying on like there never was a virus.

And these doctors - all they do is fart the same shit out their mouths about 2 meters and distance and sanitize your hands and all the time they've been doing that they've gone from 'knowing now for sure' it's a respitory illness to 'knowing now for sure' it's not, because they've 'known for quite a while now'' it's a blood-borne virus and they don't fuckin' know jack shit the rest of us don't see on the news and online, but they can't resist the urge to toss a stethoscope around their neck, slap on a white shirt and get their average-intelligence heads on television to pretend for a moment they've got a clue.

I'll remind everyone at this point too, that there's a keen difference between book smart and high intelligence: any idiot can read and read and read their way into learning their way into a doctors robe and still be only an average doctor with an average brain while the ability to see connections average people can't then creatively procuring solutions from outside the box can never be taught, yet any average moron who can stay awake for a few years of university gets regarded like a genius by a society in which many people simply lack the attention-span to remain interested in study that long.

Imagine, if the genuinely intelligent could only focus on study long enough to push back their boredom and become brilliant doctors, technicians and teachers, while the average idiots used their book-smarts to be better cleaners, garbage men and retail/hospitality workers..

Funny how that particular irony works.

Anyway our site..

3:07 PM


Used to be a time Toni would drive me farking insane talking and talking and talking at me, but now I don't mind at all - I could listen to her chewing my ear all afternoon I'm sure, without getting aggravated in the slightest by it.

My group and group assignment are both grooving along like ducks on a pond and have all swapped numbers and now text each other directly anytime we've got a question or want confirmation on something, so we're not all off each another's radar in the 3-4 days between each of our two weekly meetings in Microsoft Teams.

Though one of the six of us buckled and dropped-out of the course completely - thus leaving us with 5/6 and one person short - we're all doing just fine and the group are impressed enough by my awesome site-design skillz that they've all agreed that the website will be a significant enough portion of the work that I don't need to worry about doing any of the 1,200-word reports nor writing/researching any of the other materials for our Assignment: all I've gotta do is create the site and make it look good - the other 4 are doing the rest of the work.

I've also got them moving over to uploading their work-files to a GitHub repository I created specifically for the purpose - with a separate directory for each group member so they don't mess my site repository up with all their randomly uploaded word documents, excel spreadsheets, PowerPoint presentations and whatever else they're working on.

Joanne did express alarm when we first discovered he'd quit the course asking how we'd get it done when we're one short but I quickly pointed out that Javed - the loser who quit - had been with us for two weeks now and hadn't contributed anything at all: no ideas, none of the writing or research we've had to do - nothing at all, he's been a dead weight since we started the group and we've got everything done regardless so it's no loss to us.

By the same token - and regardless how useless he was - I pointed out that Javed's departure means we've got leverage to demand either an extension on the due date or a bonus to our grade for the assignment, since (useless or not) having a team member quit still does leave us one short and that's got to be considered a detrimental thing for our group and I emailed our tutor to tell him one of the group quit, and asking what bonus to scoring or other benefit we can negotiate for having to complete the assessment without a full group.

I mean the 19th is the due date for submission, so I've just gotta finish OCD-designing the home page then clone it for all the other pages we need, by which time the others will have finalized their work ready for me to simply paste into the relevant page(s).

And I suppose to some extent I'm not learning about the topics they're researching and writing their various things on, but the assignment is primarily about team-work with both the emphasis and grading rubric being mostly focused on working successfully together - not on the content or everyone learning in equal amounts about new things and we're working together just fine.

Yeah Toni is good value.

Monday, 6th July 2020

11:36 AM

Our group name ended-up being Joanne's first spontaneous idea: Technomalia.

It's not the snapiest or most memorable game for a group but we needed one for our presentations so between the two of us, Joanne aand I just went ahead and agreed to lock-down that name.

So last night - after finishing and submitting one of the backlog of two IIEs I had to get done - I slapped together a logo for the group that's also not the greatest or most memorable, but we're on a two week timetable here and don't have the luxury of spending weeks developing branding..

Might add a few more bits for contrast but that's about it.

Thursday, 2nd July 2020

10:19 PM

Since I'm going all out - layering a proper background into a scene before I even begin layering the character over the scene itself - and won't be finished until whenever but also as a favour for anyone reading who wants a colourful new wallpaper for their phone, I've cropped two wallpapers from that first drawing of the three beans - one zoomed-in on red and the other on yellow; who looks like a squished-up smileyface emoji in the wallpaper below..


And Yellow...

Both the above images have been cropped to this phone's screen resolution - a Samsung Galaxy S7; "Performance Mode: On", but whether they perfectly fit other brands or models of phone screen shouldn't be any issue - all phones crop images before applying as wallpaper and these are close enough so you'd only lose a fraction of a centimeter from the top or side edge.

Fuck I'm tirrrrred.

There's good news on the group assignment too: since I'm a web design guru compared to everyone else in our group, I got nominated to create the groups site and agreed: the site will not only showcase product features for the smart-collar we're hypothetically creating and have to present a non-hypothetical sales "pitch" for, but also information selling us as a team, the site will have other stuff I haven't really thought about yet but whatever - my designing the site ISN'T the good news.

The good news, is that last night Tara - one of our groups chicks who has a degree in fashion design and is very good with illustrator - suddenly became SO keen she messaged me to ask whether she could help with the site!! 😊

Course I told her she's more than welcome and onnnn the spot asked her if she'd like to take care of the site's visual design plus images and she said 'I'd LOVE to do the visual design!!' 😍

I told HER that I would LOVE for her to handle the visuals so I can just worry about the HRML/CSS/Javascript and so for the first time ever, I get to create a site *with* someone else! 🤗

AND I've only got the code aspect of the site so my workload is instantly half what it would've been 😊

AND - because Tara is taking care of the visual design, I'll get to share the web design and build a site that LOOKS visually completely different to what I would create myself if I were doing the coding PLUS visuals.

So yeah that's the good news: I get to be part of a little two-person web design team WITHIN the team for the assignment.

The icing on the cake is she messaged me tonight to tell me she's getting started on the black and white drafts of the smart-collar, which not only saves me *agonizing* over the product design being absolutely perfect, but also means she will be drawing up plans for the physical device I've been mentally developing the last few days now 😎

She's good value that one: I've got my own one-woman graphic design department doing concept art for my ideas! How AWESOME is THAT!! 😏

8:55 PM

Might just have to minimize these doleful java exercises and mouse my way to another drawing of the red bean from a different angle - head-on this time - because I <do quite like the red one..

You will notice - in the drawing below - that the red bean's irises are distinctively outward-pointing; because I knew the brushtail possum style wonky eyes would make the red one look just that little bit dumber, or more insane, or whatever geez I can't imagine how annoying it'd be to heave my eyeballs BOTH point outwards like that.. drive me fucking nuts it would.

Maybe use gradients this time instead of the - admittedly - beautifully rich and vivid (but flat, single) colours for the fills - make him look a bit more polished.

5:55 PM

Ny god - the most retarded thing I've heard on the news from all the people sniveling about their covid financial "hardship": these people who are spending away their superannuation and then turn around and blame the government for them having no super left..

Seriously, WHO would EVER be that dumb they'd withdraw and spend the money MEANT for their retirement years?? And to THEN turn around and point their finger at the GOVERNMENT - actually expecting that government to cop the blame because they were stupid enough to blow their own retirement on shit they never really needed anyway.. Just WOW..

And while I don't have enough superannuation to get at all excited about, I'd never consider taking it out regardless how momentarily penniless I might find myself - it's utter stupidity.

Anyway, I got hit on today by a lovely slim, petite little blonde who compared me to George Clooney - after stopping me specifically to ask me whether she knows me from somewhere else, because my face looks very familiar somehow.

Bout fuckin' time too: surprised it took as long as it did, but it's all the hook I need to finally have someone to think soft, pillowy thoughts about.

I suggested maybe she feels she knows me because my face is just a common or generic face, but she disagreed with that.

2:10 PM

I forgot to post this the other night I was in such a rush to upload everything and submit the assignment before 18:00: the beans that comprise our basic Magic Beans Primary colours..

Using an official, proprietary Pantone palette, for the most vivid colour possible.

Wednesday, 1st July 2020

3:18 PM

But this is exciting news so I'll make a note of this..

Thanks to one of my classmate chums pointing out that as well as ALL the Microsoft suite of applications free with the university email login, we also get a ludicrously discounted rate on Adobe's complete suite of applications: so for $21/month I subscribed last night - replacing the $40/month I was paying just for Photoshop and Dreamweaver alone..

Now, for that $21/month I get:

Their 3D studio application..

Illustrator - the industry gold standard in illustration and the software of choice for cartoonists to magazine graphic designers..

Dreamweaver - I've already talked about this complete IDE software package that handles everything web-site with so many different technologies nobody would ever use them all..

InDesign - Another top-shelf industry darling, InDesign is Adobe's Desktop Publishing application, which I can't think of any immediate use for but it's one of their flagship applications so why wouldn't I download and install it right?

Photoshop of course - everyone on gods green earth knows the name even if they've only heard it referenced in the context of online images being un-trustable since 'anything can be photoshopped' - beautiful software..

And that was all I got time to download last night since each application is a very big download, but I'm currently downloading InCopy: Adobe's professional writing software used by newspapers and allowing the visual layout to be worked on separately to the text content itself by entire teams of people without worrying about losing anything.

Very exciting moment for software, it is.

I've gotta go back to catching-up anyway: I was up until 4:00 AM contemplating the hardware and software features of the group assignment we've just started - A smart-collar for pets that will combine hardware sensors (heart-rate monitor; microphone to detect purring, mewing, barking, whining, growling; gyroscopes to sense position of the animal and tilt, GPS to detect movement speed and whatever other sensors we can squeeze into a smart device that size) in conjunction with advanced AI that will translate your animals body language into human speech so it can tell you how it feels.

I dropped the idea to Joanne (one of our group of 6) in last nights online collaboration session as a joke - saying we could create the "Smelly Cats Smart Collar" for all I care, "Let's just pick something so we can *start* organizing it!" - and Joanne jumped on the idea, then the rest of the group pounced on it and that was that.

Course Joanne has a cat she's silly about, what probably gave me the initial idea.

Obviously free-flowing dynamic human conversations would be outside the scope of such a device, but simple statements of how an animal feels are probably achievable right now with the way AI is going and hardware just improves continually so although the IT product we are tasked with creating/designing is purely hypothetical - we don't have to actually produce the product we design, just create it and form a 'pitch' to sell it - it's not at all out of the realm of possibility and people are so stupid about their animals that a smart-collar that could speak to a pet owner in English telling them how their cat or dog feels would *fly* off the shelves.

Naturally it would need to be produced to "Apple/Samsung" quality standards and it would function flawlessly because there's plenty of cheap, shitty GPS tracking collars already on Amazon and eBay and we'll be marketing our smart-collar for several hundred dollars - not $69 inc postage.

Having the full plethora of Microsoft's office team collaboration software completely free with teh RMIT student account means too, that all 6 of us are pinging ideas on and off all day since we've opted to just fuck-off the idea of video conferencing or voice chat so there's no requirement for all six to be sitting down at a set time and nobody has to worry about how we look on camera or buy a better quality microphone because the built-in mic sounds tinny: means whether we're at work or watching TV or fresh out of bed in the morning we're able to be in continuous communication.

Anyway shit to do..

Sunday, 28th June 2020

5:53 PM

I almost can't believe that giving the search terms "magic beans" to google spits-out no icons, illustrations or anything I can rip-off to use as the image/logo for my Assignment (due tomorrow at 18:00 so I've got a day longer than I thought), so I've gotta make my own.

Fuckin' pain in the arse: I've just seen there's a requirement for *some* kind of image to 'improve the visual look' of the project, plus there's a manual we've got to create as a PDF but that won't take long since there's not much to actually do within Magic Beans anyway, plus I've still gotta edit my code to make it readable for whoever marks it, which isn't necessarily the tutor - they outsource the grading if there's too much to get through, which makes me wonder why we shouldn't be able to outsource our assignments when they start piling up or getting out of hand..

Anyway I've only got the Yellow bean to design/create now and since I've got the red one looking angry and hte blue one lying on his head looking miserable, I'll make the yellow bean the happy arsehole of the three.

I probably don't have time for this, but I probably don't have time to NOT create characters right? How shit will the program AND PDF manual look without any logo image in the header?

Saturday, 27th June 2020

6:12 PM

I'm all over this assignment now I've finally got a hook..

Rather than the tedium of writing not only a storyline, but multiple branching stoylines to account for the choose-your-own-adventure style bullshit, I've clipped the fat off and turned it into a little micro-story about these beans that would (hypothetically) teach kids about primary and secondary colours, which means I'll not only be demonstrating proper use of if/then/else conditionals, not ONLY will it be interactive and have a story element and NOT ONLY will it tick all the boxes of having input(s) by the user altered and modified by the program into some other value, but my assignment will be fundamentally educational - at least hypothetically so, since there's no actual kids going to be using these assignments the entire exercise is hypothetical.

Right off the bat on the first page when you're asked to enter your name you get free beans if you go to the trouble of typing an alias or name for yourself..

..if you don't, if you press enter on the popup dialog because you're too fat and lazy to bother to make your chubby fingers type, you get shit and Magic Beans assigns a name to you that's not at all flattering and I should really change it to "Loser" or "Fatso" instead of "Puny Human" .. yeah bye..

Thursday, 25th June 2020

7:13 PM

So I didn't feel like posting a plain, ordinary unaltered photo of a the item below, because I've got the full version of Photoshop and what's a few lasso selections and color-balance changes to avoid the plain-Jane ordinary plus slather some red around to match the current page tinting..

For the first time - possibly in my life and certainly since this virus became a thing - I had the need to wear a face-mask today at Katoomba High, to wipe-down one of the sick rooms right after some pussy-arse kid had been picked up my his mummy and chauffeured home at around midday.

Course I wasn't going to bother when one of the office women asked me if I "was allowed" to clean the sick bay areas and told her I "I don't know, but I will if you want it cleaned" then saw she was standing in the office door with a mask in her hand, asking whether I wanted it.

I told her not to worry about the mask then went to change microfibre cloths before returning to find several of the office chicks telling me I probably should use one and since they all looked on edge and paranoid AND I turn to see one of them coming out the room this sick kid was in - holding the collar of her shirt over her face to prevent breathing the air in there, well I told them "Okay alright, maybe I'll go with the mask after all.."

They all seemed to feel relieved I'd taken the little cotton mask and put it on, then told me while they don't know whether he has COVID-19 or just a cold, they don't have any way of really knowing so 'Why take the chance huh?'

I didn't take the chance, though that's the closest I've been so far to anybody who's even been sick since this 'pandemic' begun.

Well I've seen and heard random people in town coughing and sneezing etcetera - here and there - over the past few months but I've never walked close to any of them - here I had to enter a tiny room, still full of the diseased child's breath and couldn't simply keep my distance.

I've finally made it to one of the Intro to Programming online classrooms and honestly it's no where near as interesting as the Intro to IT class sessions nor as interesting as it ought to be, because the tutor we've got for Programming makes the simplest concept so much more complicated than it actually is that everyone is spending more time asking for clarification than anything else, then clarification on that clarification: convoluted is the perfect word for it.

We're talking about conditional loops this week and I'm thankful I already know and use those or I'd have no idea where to start: as it is I'm just reading the confusion going on in chat and disregarding what the teacher's saying because he's only making loops confusing for everyone.

As well as his murky explanations of course he's also jumping back and forth and scrolling code on and off screen so quickly you really can't see where he's at in the code or anything like that geesh.

Tuesday, 23rd June 2020

5:33 PM

This weeks assignment - or rather the assignment meant to have been started three weeks ago that's due by the end of this week - has us tasked with creating a java program that's an interactive children's story.

I started watching the video lesson that the tutor was discussing how we should go about creating this story but only got about twenty minutes in before I got annoyed with the crackly microphone and hearing him verbally drift over every topic except what was relevant, then closed the video and opened the PDF, which I still have opened but won't even bother worrying about until I've got a) a simple story to actually code and b) that story basically coded.

There is however, no set length or wordcount required to pass and we're not graded on our creativity: all we need to do effectively is demonstrate we understand and can affect code that uses the methods we've covered so far in the course; namely outputting to the screen, taking input from users, if/then/else statements - that's about it and since I already know all that anyway I'm not going to fuck around procrastinating because the PDF puts me off, I'll just do the assignment while I've got plenty of time left, then change my code to fall in line with the assignments specifications.

I've gotta get rid of this red it's too .. or change the colour actually, that's a better idea..

Yeah that's a bit less harsh on the retina.

Incidentally, the GitHub Pages profile for assignment01 of Introduction to IT is at with the group assignment02 that's coming up apparently meant to branch from the first, though that's not due for weeks yet and none of the 6 others in my group have posted anything about starting it yet, while the assignment for Intro to Programming is due on the 29th of this month.

Thus far, I've created the new project and renamed the *.java file to what the assignment demands, decided it'll be a nature-themed story and coloured the background to remind me of that..

Super-short story ideas I need.

2:09 PM

Goodness, so I submitted assignment-1 last night and though it was handed-in a day late that's only minus 10% so that's no huge deal though I've got assignment-01 for programming to hand in my next Monday and haven't begun yet so I'll have to get on that tonight or tomorrow.

Also been to work the last two days and though the inconvenience of that being in the middle of the day, it's easily the easiest cleaning I've ever done: there's no toilets to scrub or mop, no vacuuming at all, no emptying rubbish and no desks to wipe - I literally just have to wander around the high school running a disinfectant-soaked cloth over railings, door handles and any other contact surfaces that get frequently exposed to people.

Notwithstanding all that, I did get a text this morning to say that one or more teachers there have already started complaining, though it's such a minor complaint I don't care..

Supervisor: 'Hi I have had an issue raised can you please make you don't wipe in staff rooms and office please just toilets and hand rails etc'

Teachers are just the whiniest bitches on earth. They actually raised the issue of me doing *more* than I needed to do, and I figured they'd like having their mice and keyboards sterilized, but that's sweet - even less work for me to have to bother with.

I settled her concerns lickety-split with this reply..

Myself: "I think a lot of people are just naturally jealous of how awesome I am."

I do have to wipe toilet seats, taps and sinks but that's only once in the rep hours and takes zero time or effort compared to the standard cleaning that takes place every day there.

There's not even any requirement for me to pickup any wrappers or whatever off the carpet in the hallways - I can simply step right over ask that shit - so today I actually did begin plucking-up bits ans pieces because I started feeling bad for the permanent cleaners there, who have to do all the hard shit twice a day.

Speaking of regular cleaners I see all five every day as I'm about to leave - they start at 1:00PM for some reason when it used to always be 2:00PM - and I've finally seen Ray, who said he's managing to deal with Kevin 'Alright'.

Sunday, 21st June 2020

7:30 PM

Lookathat: just writing that little bit about Michele's purebred family of pretties was enough to pop the cap on the romantic red tinting..

The mood_analysis() module works fine :)

7:00 PM

Okay, so first of all, Michele found more old photos of herself and though they're not of her in her youth, they again demonstrate how yeah she was flawlessly beautiful right up until her 30's..

But that's not what surprised me into suddenly dropping everything to add this update.. yeah either was this photo, but I specifically visited aand logged into facebook a moment ago - purely to grab this one of her in her 20s..

Flawless beauty..

Anyway, this is the photo she just text that blew ne completely away - it's like physical perfection just flows right on down the pure Italian bloodline with these people..

Michele's Mother..

Every member of her family was either remarkably handsome or stunningly beautiful - I haven't met or seen a photo yet, of a Nardelli who wasn't/isn't drop-dead gorgeous..

No wonder they had SO many kids geez.

Saturday, 20th June 2020

12:00 PM

1980s embarrassing musical tastes to the side, this is the song that's reminded me most of that nasty slapper in the four years since I first heard it..

Touching back on embarrassing 1980s musical tastes momentarily: I always assumed Neneh Cherry was another all-too-familiar American black chick who did the usual contrived ghetto-to-fame thing - which probably never actually happens outside the imaginations of marketing agents - but a google search informs me she's actually Swedish and always has been.

Friday, 19th June 2020

7:12 PM

And here's how we design with the goddess of web deployment software: everything you could ever possibly want access to from your HTML to CSS to Javascript to remote servers to an entire alphabets' worth of shit I've never even heard of, with many common technologies and APIs built into Dreamweaver I'll probably never have any cause to use all in one window and whether I wanna learn the stuff I don't know about already or not, it's just sitting there waiting for me..

With a subscription fee of $350 per year just for the entry-level single-user license for Dreamweaver alone it's not cheap software either but just as Photoshop's the gold standard, the resulting work looks every bit as slick as the software used to create it.

As for the progression of my assignment, I've still got two pages to create and each still needs to have the relevant components added for slickness, plus I've still got to write all the actual content to answer the questions, but designing the pages that'll hold those answers is exactly half the work, since writing exaggerated horseshit comes very naturally to me as you Lurkers would be aware of.

I've kept the colour-scheme both muted and neutral, with only the highlight titles and active menu links vivid, plus chosen a different colour for each of the pages - like on psychaesth.. well like here, but used a more standard visual design since this assessment is to create a github-pages profile site and I'll add the URL here now, even though I haven't pushed the files up to the github repository yet. <-- Once I've uploaded it'll appear there, but it's only an empty directory right now - hence the 404 error.

And incidentally - since I'm still working on the pages and not ready to upload the live site yet - here's the basic design I've got so far...

If I finish designing the pages tonight and add all the various components I'll need based on the kind of answers the assignment PDF file stipulates that'll give me tomorrow and Sunday to populate the pages with said answers, though I still want a background image for each page.. a simple greyscale PNG image with some very simple, very faded lines in the background.. mostly just because all I've created with photoshop for this assignment is the rounded eye and I wanna play with it some more.

Michele has a copy of the PDF so she can point out anything I obviously miss and she'll proofread for poor grammar once I've done it.

6:09 PM

You know I asked Michele this afternoon whether I would be considered "generally attractive" because I'm finding the eyeballs when I go into town shopping each day are starting to make me self-conscious.

So many eyeballs, always: from the dirty old men leering at me like catholic priests slavering after an alter-boy and the obviously gay men in couples whispering as they raise their eyebrows with their eyes wide open, to the women who always look away when I see them staring at me and though I get a disproportionate amount of smiles accompanied by eye contact from many woman it's just mm it's very unnerving - the neater and better groomed I am, the more people stare at me and it's getting to the point I've started growing paranoid about my shirt not being right or my hair being messy or my fucking posture not being straight.. the only place nobody stares at me is here in the flat, where I can be as much of a slob as I like without any eyeballs.

I mean, sure I could just let myself be as much of a slob in public as I am at home, but I don't want to look like shit, yet the less like shit I look the more I get looked at and it's starting to feel very invasive.

Dunno what to do about it, though it's obviously no issue while I'm home alone and I've got this assessment task due Sunday at 11:59PM so I'm closing this text editor for the night anyway.

I also told Michele I loved her, which is true even if I don't have any plans to re-hookup and not because I'm lubing the woman up so I can loan money next week or whatever, because I never have to do anything of the sort: she helps me anyway she can - including loaning me money when I need it - without any bullshit, so I suppose I love her because she's been a stable, reliable and caring friend for wow - ten years.

Ten years! Five years of throwing herself at me only to be scoffed at and rejected, then another several years watching me throwing myself at some silly, delusional little bitch - knowing how desperately Michele wanted me to be towards her: yet Michele is the one woman who's remained my friend through it all and regardless of all my bullshit.

Best friend I've ever had, why I can very happily tell her I love her.

The only real friend I've probably ever had too, if you look at it comparative to every other woman and social aquaintance.

How could I not love the woman.


She replied telling me I'm annoying her, which I responded by telling her "Duh - that's what I'm *trying* to do: you *know* you're better off simply giving me attention to placate me than trying to ignore me because you *know* I will never *allow* you to ignore me."


I also opined to her that I probably should unblock my mother one of these days, but added that the longer she's on the /ignore list in my phone the less I honestly feel the desire to change that arrangement: the woman has never had anything interesting to say; she's spent my entire adult life so drug-fucked on 'medication' that her brain just doesn't output anything, doesn't absorb or process anything and she's just useless.

For as long as I can remember, the entire extent of my interactions with this woman who claims to have squeezed me out - a visual that sickens me still - constitutes her sending a text every few weeks containing some manner of common, shallow and pointless pleasantry like 'How are you?', then displaying not the least interest in the answer.

I never text to ask her how she is, because I literally don't give it a moments thought and there's never anything going on with her anyway: she records her favourite television shows, eats, shits and unless she has an appointment with some shrink or it's bingo-day she sleeps until midday and that's her life.

Who'd wanna know about that?

To be honest though, the idea of going to a place where you can win chickens for playing bingo sounds not too bad, but not interesting enough to - interest me, but twenty years from now I could see bingo would be something that'd appeal to me in my old age except I'll be dead long before then.

Yeah, no I can't see any reason to unblock her - as it is I save myself pretending to care which means I am also saved being obliged to reply to those periodic texts.

Really it's only a pregnant woman's hormones that make every mother think their offspring are super-spesh: I've never understood any of that bullshit or cared enough to want to and I never will: same way I don't give a fuck about the environment because I don't have kids who will spawn grandkids so I don't give a donkeys dick what state the planet is in even fifty years from now - I won't be here so whatever?

As an adult male who's never reproduced, I care about the reproductive ritual and partnering with the woman I'm meant to be with who'll put up with my shit - I do not care at all about the end product of the reproductive process and there'd be something wrong with me if I did - something even more wrong with me too if I pretended to give a shit about kids when the only biologically driven bond I've ever had with other people is the bond I've had with women I've been fucking and - naturally - that's the only kind of bond I give a toss about.

And there *is* absolutely no reason why I should feel the need to pretend I care about shit that means nothing to me.

Fucking, ASSIGNMENT. God even when the work is moderately interesting it's hard to stay focused.

1:05 PM

Spotify just played a song I distinctly remember from my teenage years: I even bought her album on CD back then - what a trip..

Mmhmm.. I bought her album purely to masturbate to the insert, but it's still a trip hearing a long forgotten song like that.

Speaking of wankers: I'm on the train back from Lawson this morning when my phone chimes from my pocket notifying me of a new text message ..

And just like that I'm working again, starting Monday.

Working and doing a university degree.

Knew the bitch would find herself short on casuals sooner or later

Most importantly, I haven't asked that mole for work since she gave my last site to some other fuckhead: she asked me and she is just as 'please' and 'thank you' as you'd expect a piece of motherfucken shit like her to be when the bitch needs something - but I don't need anything from her: I felt no need to pretend to be enthusiastic and honestly don't give a fuck whether I offend staff at Katoomba High and get put on the bench or fired: it's only a job I only accepted because it's only minutes from here and will get me out the house again.

Plus yeah it's in the middle of the day so there's no having to wake-up at 2:00AM or get a train or any that woeful crap.

Easy job; easy money, middle-of-the-day socializing, don't care whether I keep or lose it at all :)

Though, yes it's mm .. I might care more when I'm suddenly receiving only $340/fortnight from Centrelink instead of the $950 I'm currently scoring after rent.

Just talking about having a job doing work I don't like doing bores me and any other job that isn't creating something from thin air is just as dull as cleaning: including sending emails and typing reports in pointless fuckin' office position - irrelevant worker-ant bullshit.

Wednesday, 17th June 2020

6:06 PM

And here's me thinking that if only I'd been wise enough at the time to step back for a more expansive, meta view thus adopting a smudge of appreciation, I'd be having this kind of dinner as standard with Michele; who'd not only be cooking it instead of me, but cooking it from scratch with hand-made gnocchi and a genuine Bolognese sauce she'd spent a full day super-slow simmering.

Live, and, learn.

Course the leggos fresh pasta and sauce isn't exactly dog-slop and I can still taste it twenty minutes after finishing the plate yes indeed it's not half bad for a heat-and-eat meal.

On a completely unrelated aside it's washing-day again and I still cannot state clearly enough how thrilled I am to heave replaced all my cotton socks and underwear with merino: it's so easy to wash, doesn't absorb odor like cotton, doesn't lose it's shape or stretch like cotton and *feels* incomparably better against your skin.

Cost me a couple hundred dollars in smaller incremental chunks each payday to upgrade but neither the socks or boxers show any sign of wear even after months of everyday use - just wring 'em in warm soapy water a few minutes, chuck 'em somewhere to dry and they're as good as new an hour later.

On a less-random aside while I'm talking about underwear: though I have a shower most days - have the last two days running and will have one in a minute mostly because it's easier to shave while showering - my scrotum has just the best scent going on at the moment: it can only be described as musk - a very slightly sweet, warm scent I can only smell for a moment after rubbing the skin there, it smells good enough that if I could bottle the shit I'd never feel the need to be buying aftershave or expensive cologne again.

Sure sure, the process of rubbing my own nutsack in order to quickly get a nose full might not illicit a classy visual, but the smell literally smells like a top shelf, organic, much more complex version of the flat, cheap chemical version you'd find in any pharmacy.

Smells fucking amazing.

Anyhow I've chosen a responsive Dreamweaver template and have started altering it.

12:43 PM

Adobe also helped themselves to my Photoshop subscription, so I've got both the sexiest software packages on the planet, but now I'm running almost an hour late on starting after deciding to install that useless McAfee antivirus from the windows laptop to stop it both haranguing me to pay and slowing down the system, as well as Microsoft Office since I just don't need that shit sucking my CPU dry: I've got student access to Office online and their web-based version is better anyway.. but Microsoft does not like having its largest resource-pig removed from its own operating system so it's fighting me tooth and claw to stay.

Bastard Microsoft shit: anytime your laptop is on, try pressing Alt + Ctrl + Delete together to open Windows Task Manager and check out how much memory and CPU that crap monopolizes: even when you're not using any Office application it's right up the top of the list - constantly draining 25% or more of your laptops speed in the background for no reason at all.

Removing a whole slew of Microsoft's bloatware actually, while I'm at it.. it's shocking how many programs run in the background entirely without your knowledge and it's almost all garbage you never even use.

Sure all this uninstalling has delayed my new study schedule a bit, but if I'm to be using Dreamweaver and Photoshop on this slowarse little machine I'm saving myself a shitload of unnecessary frustration my clearing out the bullshit and reclaiming speed for the two resource-hungry Adobe applications.

Just gotta happen - it's not procrastination, it's pragmatism.

And there we have it: that little bitch is wiped-out at last.. a quick reboot, pop on the heater and I can get on with it.

Before I forget too: I bought a new toothbrush today since the old one is all dogeared and rubbish so I figured may as well go all out - try one of the new $7 bamboo ones I've seen in supermarkets lately: I didn't bother reading the packaging and only got a glance at 'carbon brush' whatever but when I opened it I was surprised to find a remarkably nice product inside.

Disregarding the bamboo handle which is nice, sure, whatever, the actual bristles themselves are so soft they actually feel more like natural boar bristles or something and shit all over any nylon toothbrush bristles I've ever felt in my life.

Okay, on with the super-polished sexiness.

~11:00 AM

I've also discovered - yesterday in fact - that Adobe went and helped themselves to the $30 monthly subscription fee for Dreamweaver, which annoyed me when I woke and checked my balance since I'm not even using the windows laptop.

Then last night I found out that we're allowed to use whatever software we have on-hand to create our github pages profile for Assignment01: so that works out kind've convenient given my existing site grant really in keeping with a professional profile page and to alter ask that CSS and HTML would be such an arsebleed I'll just start a new site from scratch with the industry standard top shelf web design suite since I've already paid for in for the month 😏

Dreamweaver 2020

From what I read and heard from the 50-odd mixed-group class members last night most wouldn't know how to use it, let alone be paying a subscription just for the profile assignment and we get extra marks for originality so I'll just fuck around with the stylesheet and page a bit so it looks that way.

One of the bearded idiots at the yellow deli just used the word ironic to describe something that's not at all ironic.

Consistently horrible coffee too.

9:33 AM

I've set myself a study schedule; from 12:00 to 17:00 is study time, 17:00 to 19:00 is break/dinner time, then from 7:00 PM until 10:00 PM is more study time.

I am also considering using ebay 24 hour time here instead of 12h because it saves the need to stipulate AM/PM.

Anyhow, starting at midday gives me time to go into town for shopping and get back with a full five hours of day left and should be plenty of time to get everything done, long as I stick to the schedule for the most part 👍

Tuesday, 16th June 2020

8:33 PM

We're on our second classroom session and still going without complaint: chat is groovin' along and like any good class everyone is talking about their own random shit while we vaguely follow the lesson.

Even our teacher randomly stops to get into whatever chat's going on amongst us 👍

5:44 PM

I've also decided to start attending all online lessons - starting tonight at 18:30.

Not so much because I feel like I need the tutoring or whatever - not yet anyway - but because it'll allow me to chat with the lecturers and classmates which has to have some value.

While I'm waiting for that I'm watching a repeat of Grand Designs and I'll tell ya what, if I ever build a cabin or shed or any other structure I'll be hand-cutting the joints that hold the framing together traditionally: all you see now in these shows are builders clapping nailguns against joints - it's such a cheap, shoddy way of attaching timber - purely for speed at the expense of quality and durability.

We used nailguns in the pre apprenticeship first fix building course at TAFE ans the nails come pre-coated in glue that's instantly melted by the friction as the nail shoots into the wood, but that tiny metal pin is the only point of adhesion.

A hand-cut joint by comparison is shaped to fit within the peice it's married to and the surface within that joint means the entire connection is purely contact.

I can understand why nailguns are the primary method of jointing now nobody expects any better and because the joints are hidden under the second fix walling that covers them, but really it demonstrates a lack of give-a-shit since it's never their house they're holding together with shitty glued-in nails.

2:34 PM

IIE02 is completed and uploaded, with IIE03 already two days down without being started, while the first assignment is due on the 29th, which sounds like plenty of time but between now and then there's IIE03, IIE04 as well as week03 and week04 of Intro to IT to do: all these goddam IIE's are only for Intro to Programming, with assignment-1 being a complete interactive kids story.

Here's the actual PDF for Assignment01.pdf: just one of the half-dozen we'll have to complete in the next 10 weeks.

Don't get me wrong, it's all perfectly doable, but I'm realizing I miight have underestimated the courses in thinking I could just wait until the weekend to rush through the work: I'll have to start seriously starting Wednesday at the latest to ensure I've got it all done.

In two weeks it's gone from "Introduce yourself to your classmates" to a mountain of work that'll just keep piling up with each week.

Oh, how could I forget there's also the IT course Assignment 1 due by Sunday: IntroToIT Assessment Task 1 - My Profile.pdf

Awesome right.

10:15 AM

It's starting to dawn on me just how much I'd need to learn in order to be a-grade anything in IT and the more I think about it, the more it does my head in: to be proficient as a consultant I'd need to have my head around everything internet and all the trends and ethics etcetera - even to be a web developer I'd have to learn a dozen completely unfamiliar technologies well enough to have a command of their usage.

On the other hand, the web design information sites I've read have stated that you're better off restricting yourself to a basic web stack like HTML/CSS/PHP/Javascript and continue with them until you've got them to the point that their limitations start to get in your way.

I also found out - just as I was ready to upload my *.java exercise file for IIE02 that a I'd only done half what I had to do, so I didn't bother finishing it yesterday since I was out of coffee and figured bashing the other half out will be much faster today.

It's also only worth 1 point since id nnot an assignment but a standard weekly exercise so even if I don't worry about finishing it until tomorrow I'll still only lose 0.2 points.

Sunday, 13th June 2020

4:24 PM

Just have to add comments to the code to explain why I used the names I did for my four variable types and upload it.

12:04 PM

IIE2 is due tomorrow afternoon now I've caught up on the other shit and though I'm not really feeling like it at all, with nothing else to do I'll doubtless plug away line by line, stopping frequently to pack one of my bullet-pipes with the little tobacco I've managed to find..

Again it's not hard work, just a lot of annoying little steps and it's only work 1 point anyway so it wouldn't even matter if I ignored it completely.

The assignment due on the 29th though - that's worth 10% and assignments all-up are 50% of the total but I'll have time after payday to give a fuck about that.

And this is the coolest icon set I've ever seen - something you just cannot get on windows or apple operating systems ...

Saturday, 12th June 2020

8:26 PM

Finally realizing we get full access to all kinds of software then visiting Microsoft Outlook online using my student email address I see the first image I've seen of RMIT on the login screen - right next to the Outlook login form..

I would almost move to Melbourne simply to visit a building that fucking gorgeous every day, but I don't need to..

Pity: beautiful design.

We also get full-version access to the rest of Microsofts shit plus premium access to GitHub instead of the limited free account.

No milk, sugar or smokes: only black coffee all day and one plate of food at night - when there's absolutely nothing else to do, there's nothing to distract me and even with only 1% enthusiasm and 1% mental focus it's easy to get it done.

I inverted the screenshot to save my own eyes from glare, not yours.

Friday, 11th June 2020

3:09 PM

I also had a dream last night I can still remember now in that fuzzy, fading way strange, high-impact dreams do, though I don't have time to write it out now - I have not started on the actual study yet so whatever I'll come back and add that whenever..

2:17 PM

I've just changed the logic within the mood_analysis() script that's responsible for determining colour-tinting so it now evaluates the level of other word-groupings to prevent any mish-mash of colour that could be caused when any two groups reach the preset threshold: previously, if for example $emotives reached 100 the page would tint major elements yellow but if $curses reaches it's threshold at the same time $emotives are tinting the content, then you'd get an unpredictable result - with both $emotives and $curses changing the colours.

That's fixed now anyway so only one tint at a time is possible, while the podcast of the moment War of the Ants is saving me being hypnotized into a suggestive state by the television.

So if I just take a minor liberty and type fuck shit cunt bitch fuck shit cunt bitch to pop it over it's threshold, we get orange.


This isn't getting my actual work done but it's more interesting than writing a review of team collaboration platforms I've never used so will consist of half reading and half bullshitting the paragraphs full of padding and slick words that read back well.

The only word group that cannot be woven into this logic are $positives and $negatives: since they're always there and since one will always be a higher value than the other they would constantly be dominating the colour of the page and no other kind of word group would ever get a turn, but there's a solution to that whenever I've got time to add the code.

I can use the $positive/$negative balance to colour the background elements so the site switches between light and dark themes to match positive or negative tones, but that'll require a second style-sheet that I don't have time to write at the moment.

12:43 PM

One of my tutors has suddenly died overnight: not called away on important business, not off for the week because of corona-virus or absent to look after his sick wife or any horseshit like that - just dead.

I'm sitting here leaning against the bed about to turn the boring news off to start getting what I can done before the blanket of gloom sets in until Tuesday, when I login to the student whatever and see this announcement about my tutor for Introduction to Programming..

When do people just spontaneously die overnight? About as often as they spontaneously combust and he didn't look that much older than me.

We should get an extension on the workload until they find another tutor, that means.

Thursday, 10th June 2020

5:19 PM

I've found as of late, not muttering snarky or piss-taking remarks about people I see either in real life or on television you know and I've found it very easy to do: I just stop my brain settling into that groove of thought the moment I see some downy, retard or cripple of any kind of fat chick or whatever which seems to be fading me out of the habit of doing it.

Above all else, I realize I just don't need or desire to be expending mental energy on such people with the aside being that I'm internally warmed by the fact I don't know anyone like that and don't have to put up with them.

So it's not altruism, I just see no point wasting the effort it takes to sneer at anyone I don't need to care about.

10:02 AM

Jo just emailed me about the rent review 'team' and their assessment of my $4K+ in rent.

Seems they only checked my Centrelink records and only as far back as three months because they found nothing indicating any income at all in their sniffing around.

The $4,500 back-rent has been abolished and she's contacted the tribunal to cancel the hearing because I now owe $0 rent so there's no reason for a hearing anymore.


Still a shit place to live but nice to know I don't owe anything for the privilege of slumming it while I've been here.

Wednesday, 9th June 2020

1:53 PM

Right so I've got increasingly more of this homework accumulating and though it's not an out of control amount it will be if I keep getting myself lost in TV-land when I get home each day, so I've left the television off this afternoon in favour of catching-up on the recorded video lessons from the last two weeks and yeah sure it is much easier to concentrate.

Tuesday, 8th June 2020

7:53 PM

Oh yes, I should start on this ahead of time.. this will be due Sunday of next week and worth 10% of the total..

3.0.0 Assessment Task 1: My Profile


In this assignment you will develop your IT profile, which will be used as an input to further assignments. This is an individual assignment, and you will present your assignment by setting up a website which will contain the information about you. Your work needs to constitute a self-contained document that makes sense without the reader referring to the marking specification to understand the meaning of the information that you are communicating.

2.1.2: Dealing with conflict

In this activity, you are going to share a time that you had to handle a conflict situation. Perhaps this was at school or at work, or it may have even been at home. Describe the conflict. Who were the parties involved, what happened, and how was it resolved. Write your description into the forum and then read others' posts. If you want you can comment on anyone's post.

So much conflict, I am spoilt for choice.

1:54 PM

I've just emailed the woman about the tribunal review whatever that's evidently going ahead regardless the outcome anyone reaches before then, and though she's confirmed there's nothing more I need to do for now she's also said that I've basically just gotta wait for the rent review team to do whatever reviewing they want to do mm.

Given it's been about a week since I sent her a copy of the review form I filled out, they're either too swamped in other tenancy issues caused by the COVID-19 lock-in, or they're crawling through ALL my bank details, centrelink records and possible even employment records with broad-spectrum so I certainly hope it's the former of those two potentialities.

Cause I didn't notice anything on the rent review form itself about giving them permission to crawl all my financial records for the past year or so, but when do I ever read the small - or even large - print on most things though there really wasn't any point reading the document honestly because I had no choice whatsoever but to sign it anyway.

And I was thinking earlier today, that though we hear a lot in our culture about unconditional love and people really like to think it's a real thing, I really don't think it exists: dogs are as close as you might get to another living creature that will take endless shit and still 'love' it's owner but even a dog will resort to constantly attacking in its own defense if it's hit, kicked or mistreated enough and that animal doesn't stay with the abusive owner out of love but attachment and because it's genetically programmed to stick with it's perceived 'pack'.

Parallel with that we have the much over-glorified parents love for their child, which might always exist on some muted, diminished background level no matter how terrible the child is, but there are way too many examples of kids who hate their parents and genuinely hold no love at all for either their mother or father, as well as parents who - whether they love their kids or not - are so disconnected and opposed to a child they never want to see or hear from them again.

Certainly unconditional romantic love doesn't exist and I'm inclined to lean towards believing nowadays that it's nothing but a chemical mechanism for breeding that evaporates no matter how compatible they might be.

Then again though, love and attachment come automatically the closer you are to someone and the longer you're close to them: 100 years ago people were aware of this and stayed together for their lifetime because they knew no two people are ever going to get along perfectly all the time and accepted that ups and downs are part of every aspect of life that can't be avoided..

Now, people are SO unforgiving and completely intolerant of other people cramping their style that few people seem capable of staying with anyone long enough for the two of them to ever have a chance of becoming bonded deeply enough to consider the other a true love at all.

Catastrophic pity, genuinely, because all the sweetness, warmth and depth that comes from knowing someone completely and knowing they've loved you through all your shit just never exists when people only hookup short-term then split when it gets inconvenient so all you're left with is shallow, detached arrangements between people who can never allow themselves to feel like they belong to each other since that'll only lead to deeper hurt when the inevitable end comes.

Course I never believed in true love for the first forty years of my life so it's just a snap-back to how I thought before, really - I just wish I hadn't got a glimpse of emotion strong enough to make me waste years questioning what I've always thought, only to end-up where I was originally.

On a lighter note though - which I at least need after pondering such depressing shit even if you don't: Actually it's not really a lighter note, just a neutral one..

Now the emotional content has increased, $emotives have popped to over 100 which changes the key elements yellow, I've realized this makes two posts - two posts means I can calculate the average for each word group in the two posts and though I'll have to remove all the text I've added since June started - for accuracy - I can get an idea now the average level of each word group.

I should update the script to analyze the numbers itself but I have neither the time or inclination and actually, I probably won't even be arsed moving the June shit over to a new post because, whatever right, but it made me a bit happy to realize I've got two separate monthly posts that are complete and never changing now they're done, to use in the further development of the mood_analyzer() module.

I've also got homework to do, which I'm not doing currently but I've got all night to yawn a few paragraphs together and post it, though I'm also meant to 'attend' the weekly webinar tonight and don't want to: the idea of sitting here watching a tutor and 20 little windows of people all just watching everything is too voyeuristic for my liking at all and I'm pretty sure there's nothing there I can't learn from the text.

Monday, 7th June 2020

1:11 PM

There's nothing wrong with sloths - many people adore the creepy fuckers.

Personally I think they're disgusting: months ago I listened to a science podcast episode about sloths where field researchers were out looking for them in the wild - sloths move so little, fungus grows on their fur and these people were out there finding samples of fungus never before discovered by science on these animals coats.

They're also ugly and have parasites plus those nasty looking claws.

Still. other people love them.

This will suck dick: you know I hate having to work with other people and the Introduction to IT module is mostly collaboration with these 'classmates'.

Don't know what I'll do if someone else in the course links a personal site they have that's better than mine.. I'll have to re-obsess over making it better than theirs.

So far that hasn't happened: only one person has linked a site and it was so bad it made me feel quite fine about the fact I've left mine after only working on it that first week :)

Still, I have had two ideas for the site that had nothing to do with anyone else but rather with my signing-up for an account on GitHub last night and that made me think, but before I mention my idea I should explain that GitHub is an online community for programmers and developers where (like other sharing platforms) users can create, upload and edit software projects of every kind you could imagine.

Rather than simply uploading a selfie of you eating breakfast or smiling near some stupid lookout though, you create repositories for projects that anyone else can contribute to and write or improve code, add files, build releases for distribution - the tools are there to do everything to take a project from empty to a public release, with other members of the site able to get as involved as they want to and you let them.

If I created a project there for the Mood Analyser it'd be possible to have better programmers than me maybe contribute to developing it into a generalized content emotion analyzer than could determine the feel and tone of any content in a broader way and develop it into a drop-in service that could be used anywhere and eventually be used as a standardized way of rating the emotional feel of anything - like the 5-star rating system, but determining emotional context.

Seems like not a hugely relevant thing to have, but if you could see at a glance that an article or post is marked 'Extremely negative', 'Upbeat and inspirational' or 'Mildly abusive' you'd know instantly whether to avoid the content or read it based on what you feel like reading/watching at the time, you would be able to restrict what your kids are exposed to based on a filter that would remove negative, hateful or angry things and even set a threshold for how negative content has to be before it's filtered-out.

If that emotional tone could be determined accurately, people who are suicidal could prevent themselves having to be exposed to the kind of content that might pull them further down while stupid-happy people could prevent themselves having to read negativity to help maintain their unrealistically positive state of mind or allow enough negative content through so they become balanced, and normal.

Nope - couldn't keep the chickens: the image quality was too low fullscreen on a laptop.

2.1.1: Working with others in teams..

Discussion: In the discussion below, post one team related issue you have encountered in the past and one way you effectively mitigated the issue. As well as this research some problems teams have when they are working together. State one problem that may arise in a teamwork situation and write how you personally might deal with this problem. Read others' posts and agree, disagree or expand on how they might deal with team work problems.

You know I can't honestly think of a single time I've settled a dispute in a way that really benefited anybody: the last team conflict I was engaged with saw me threaten teachers at a primary school with a toilet brush when they criticized my vacuum cleaning and the time before that I had an annoying co-worker try ordering me around - I told him he was a f***ing idiot and left, went for a coffee then came back to the site where I abused him on and off until the end of the shift.

He is really an idiot though so he deserved it, I wasn't the problem and I'd do it again given half a chance and though neither are examples of my effectively diffusing team issues, I am here to learn how to do just that.

Some of the problems individuals can encounter while working as a group include unclear goals, lack of trust between people, conflict and tension, demotivation, poor communication, undefined roles within the group and a lack of transparency between people within the group.

One problem that may arise could be another member of the group being drowned-out by louder people and the way I would deal with that would be to make a point of telling the group I'd like to hear what that quieter individual has to say, repeatedly if necessary.

11:07 AM

I almost bought two them noodle boxes that you just heat and eat, a minute ago in Coles, then figured why not buy some noodles and sauce and get more that tastes better.

Then I see, that every Indian sauce contains things like chick peas, lentils and other shit I don't want to eat and always in inat diarrhea-coloured slop that'll be boring masala and tomato based gritty and greasy mess that'll have me running to the toilet at three in n the morning and burn my arsehole for an hour.

Who would ever want to eat crap that looks and smells the same when it goes in as when it comes out and then I see this..

God bless asian ingenuity: they have found a way to powder chickens, turn fish into paste and now squeeze sheep into a tube while Indian food is still the same chick-pea blugh with the same shitty spices.

And though that tube is too hot for me I'll have asian for dinner tonight: unlike Indians - always too busy sucking out cows arseholes to eat them - asians just get on with it and concentrate everything down so it's never overpriced because asians are cheap.

Goodness my hair is soft.

Anyway I ended up with chicken thigh fillets, fresh spring onions, lemon chicken sauce and hokkien noodles, which took a few minutes while I had an OCD moment about which sauce to get, but given I'll be eating this for two nights straight I thought I'd best get something I want to eat.

Sunday, 6th June 2020

3:45 PM

Country Cheese crackers with extra-tasty cheese slices for dinner, or well really I haven't had anything resembling a defined regular meal schedule for years now so there is no dinner-time, very rarely anything at lunch-time and absolutely never, ever breakfast outside of several coffees.

I eat when I'm hungry and eat whatever I like because - as I learnt in the valley - the less you eat the higher the calories can be, while vitamins save me the effort of fresh vegetables though such eating has got me to the point where the whole idea of actually sitting down at a table and eating a meal listening to other people babble on, chew, kids farting like pigs while I'm trying to eat my food just seems like more bullshit than it's worth for a simple meal.

What will I eat tonight when I'm ready to eat something..

Fried eggs with toast, yeah that'll do fine.

A brand new season of Grand Designs starts at 7:30 tonight.

Course this isn't getting the rest of my work done but whatever - a few hours tomorrow and Tuesday will cover the coming weeks study and I'm not far behind in this weeks.

2:39 PM

Mmm it's done and this is the screenshot I submitted, but then saw some chick called Danni has done hers in colours as bright as a post-card with a curvy font and a large photo of her dog - compared to the shitty GitHub cat icon I used in an effort to keep it neat.. mmm..


Still, there's an awful lot of screenshots of really shitty work there and the guy who posted last tried to be a smartarse - adding an if..elseif..else switch - and uploaded a screenshot showing errors scattered all throughout the code.

Whatever: I've included every 'optional' property, there's not a single error and it's neat as a nun's habit.

I also find there's other parts to the assignment after doing that, though nothing looks too involved and the due date has been moved to Tuesday instead of tomorrow.

The discussion topic is configured so you can't see what others have posted until you've posted your own assignment screenshot, after which I see the tutor saying 'this is your chance to get creative' though he also said right after that 'but the basics are fine too!'

The next part being to describe 'what your understanding' of variables and code blocks are, which took less than ten minutes..

Variables are placeholders that can hold any type of data a language recognizes until that data is required: when the variable is used it returns whatever data it contains and that data may be replaced, appended or changed at any time while the program is executing. Once the program ends, all data held in variables is lost of course and to make that data persistent outside the program it needs to be saved either in a file or database to be accessed the next time that software is executed.

Blocks of code are - to my mind - organized, sequential lines of code usually separated into classes and functions that can be called from other places in your program, though I guess they don't necessarily have to be contained within a subroutine to be a block of code mm. I guess any code arranged in a group that - as a group - performs a specific task could be considered a block of code, as long as it's organized and each line of that code contributes to the blocks functionality.

The part after that I'm meant to add a link to cite the source of the reference material I used to find out what variables and code-blocks are, though I obviously didn't need to look that up so I have no references.

Suppose I'll just google the two and include the first article in the list.

While outside, the sun starts to retreat on yet another full week gone with nobody I feel like writing to so you can just put up with this boring, robotic vomiting of course contents.

And there's Assignment-2 there and due by friday.

Not that Assignment-1 would've taken me more than hour if I'd managed to focus but I swear I was more homed-in and mentally sharp while I was smoking drugs than I am now.

11:23 AM

CSS aspect ratio and rendering for this morning's podcast since I'm already running behind in week one's shit - or will be by tomorrow - so I figure that might *shrug* though it's pretty funny to listen to a group discussion and made me actually giggle a minute ago hearing three web designers discussing what sounds like some kind of alien gobbledygook with empty divs and auto height of a 600 input area with an h2 containing 6 words and squishy boxes, flex boxes, non-replaced elements and all three of them adding "what if you change that to this and this becomes that"

What's amusing, is I'm not only tracking everything they're saying but understanding all of it.

Saturday, 5th June 2020

11:53 AM

This morning's shopping background-podcast is about Louis Wain - godfather of the cat meme and a weirdo who was - among other things - far too enamored with cats for good mental health, evidenced by the following two artworks..

First, here's a drawing of a cat he did before mental illness took over..

... and just a few years later: after schizophrenia settled in to stay..

Oh yuh, critics response as you'd expect was things like 'Who, would want to look at a picture of a cat??' but once a person goes mental they start growing obsessed with silly shit and cats are as good as any focus of obsession, I uh guess and apparently he even devolved to the point of becoming deeply racist: not towards people nup no - but different breeds of cat.

Again though there's one point of information I extract from the solid ten minutes I spent googling: he was married and painted for the woman he loved, who encouraged him and loved him back and while nobodies listening to that boring little conclusion it remains a fact that whether it's a spouse, kid or family people are motivated by love and do little without it.

Just an observation, really, but an observation that proves itself true no matter where you look and a perfectly valid reason for me to stop being haunted by all the things I could be doing.

I spose that's the same for hate, though hate motivates destruction.

Friday, 4th June 2020

11:04 AM

Look what I've just walked past outside the Carrington - Brugmansia sanguinea - or Angels Trumpet: the most demonic hallucinogen I've ever had the misfortune of knowing..

If any plant could ever be regarded as evil, this is the one: I've known people in my youth who cracked their skulls by diving headfirst into solid concrete they thought was a swimming pool;

Thursday, 4th June 2020

6:23 PM

1.3.1: Reading and watching on the definition of IT

Basic IT roles

IT job roles & responsibilities explained..


Apoll01 wants to remake education by centralizing the diploma..

Will big brands disrupt higher education?

Kahoot, the educational gaming startup has raised $15M now at a $300M valuation..



Hypergiant raises $5 million to track critical infrastructure with AI..





71% completed, though I haven't read them all yet it allowed me to click 'Finished' at will, which I did of course.

5:49 PM

57% completed.

Wednesday, 3rd June 2020

3:17 PM

Just one of the half-dozen articles comprising one Task

1.2.1: Impact of IT on our daily lives

Children are being "Data-filed" before we've understood the risks, report warns..

And though that's all bad etc, I'm inclined to be more concerned myself about a woman I love being datafiled which is natural since I have no kids but also because 'adults' don't seem to apply the same scrutiny over how much of themselves they leave online as they ever would their kids, which is silly considering everything you add of yourself online can be regarded as public, forever.

Largely too why I liked dumping facebook, twitter and the others and moving over to my own site: everything I post here still belongs to me - not some faceless online group who keep everything I've ever uploaded and can do as they please with it.

Understanding the Positive and Negative Effects of Technology on Health

Yeah okay, so it was only two.. Felt like half a dozen..

Wish I didn't have to read so much though *yawn* gawd.. 14% through this weeks tasks - for one subject anyhow - and by the time I've groaned my way through all this 'IT & Ethics' rubbish I'm sure I'll be past the 40% mark... surely..

There's also two 14 minute videos where a slick, perfectly groomed representative of each gender tells us all to 'Quit social media', which I already did years ago because I realized - years before that - that people all just say the same shit and I grew bored by what most people have to say - even more bored with the endless, homogeneous soup of 'normal' people who only post the highlights of their 'normal' lives; like being constantly exciting is some kind of valid goal to aspire to.

Video 1: Quit social media

Well ahead of that curve, I was..

Video 2: Is social media hurting your mental health?

And I couldn't agree more - everyone should watch both those videos y'know: the perfectly groomed representatives say it very succinctly.

43% complete and now we're back to the question that almost saw me devolve into a rant about porn destroying intimacy in people and turning them into grunting, drooling perverts.

1.2.2: What are the positive and negative aspects of IT

1. What is the impact of IT on your life personally? Try to discuss the positive and negative.

That's a big question to answer both accurately and efficiently especially as a genXer since the internet was pretty bare-bones until about the early 2000's when large companies and organizations saw the potential in IT and turned their attention to polishing the limited technologies we had up to then: dialing into bulletin-boards and getting excited over a 56K modem that required a second line if you wanted to use the phone too :)

Focusing on the past twenty years, the benefits and impact of things like online communication, online banking, gaming, streaming and google - the ability to simply type in any question about anything to access a global database of human knowledge, thought and opinion - has been mostly positive.

If I take a second look at these technologies of course, there's a negative flip-side to all of them: online communication leads to less physical socialization, online gaming leads to - for a game like World of Warcaft - my skin receiving so little sun I ended up looking like a vampire and google is like the tree of knowledge in a sense: some of the things you see and learn through simple clicking can never be unseen or forgotten and of course search engines don't just return facts but heavily opinionated, biased information you have to really sieve through to get to the truth.

But even truth can be a relative thing and vary from person to person dependent on their values and belief-set.

2. In your opinion or from what you have read so far in this week, what is IT? Can you define it?

Defining IT is simpler than our previous question - especially if we set aside the minutia of lateral definitions, step back and take a macro view of what IT is today.

Information Technology is the hardware and software infrastructures and systems that facilitate the efficient flow of information in all its forms - enabling data to be shared, stored and analyzed while nullifying geographic limitations and distances between people.


Leggo's refrigerated italian sausage Ravoili with tomato pesto, Philadelphia cream cheese plus shredded Parmesan for dinner, though I'll add a dollop of the cream cheese and Parmesan after cooking the rest so it's not all mixed-in together.

Tuesday, 2nd June 2020

6:26 PM

My face is peeling little flakes since I've started with that exfoliating daily.. maybe it's possible to scratch your skin too much mm.

Now I've gotta exfoliate the flaky layer of dead skin off.

A vicious circle, really..

Week four of Intro to IT I get to create a 'basic website' woowoo! :)

3:38 PM

I keep getting texts about the status of medical centres in the mountains - the latest being that they're open or whatever.

As if I would go into a waiting room - full of sick arseholes - then sit and breath the soup of shit they're exhaling while waiting to see a doctor - for any reason at all.

As if I'm not going to walk out of that room sick having walked it there healthy.

2:40 PM

Yeah I finally re-open and login to the RMIT student hub and it's gone from theoretical questions to a complete project we're meant to change and though I've already renamed, added the optional styling extras and only have to replace the "Hello World" with something more interesting there must be something more to it than that..

It's not even due until the 8th June either mm bet there's some fine-print I haven't read because it seems too simple.. 6 days to add a little blab to replace the default message then post a screenshot mm.

Seriously, if there's any danger of my failing to pass this it's entirely based on the risk of my procrastinating the starting and resuming of work: once I start it's very easy to get interested - it's always the starting itself that's the issue..

Yeah I know it's a new month - who gives a fuck I can copy/paste .. wait.. yeah see this is the entire site now I've setup the scripts to read in these data files and spit them out as live HTML/CSS..

Copy/pasting is very simple with text that's so compressed: no code formatting spacing everything out, one paragraph in a *.diary file equals *pages* of formatted HTML - it's just never converted to HTML until the page is open the the script prints the datafile live every page load.

10:33 AM

How's that 'power move': Donald Trump leaving the White House to walk around the streets of Washington trying to look all casual like he aint scared of 50,000 people who wanna brick him and rape his wife :)

More notably, how's just how little time he spent out there and the fact he didn't address the protestors at all: like he got to the church, held up the bible then his suits told him 'You're gonna get smeared out here you've got about another minute before the crowds get here.

Straight back in the White House he went.

Could've been quite the power-move rather - leaving the sanctuary at all - but he shuffled back to the White House without even addressing the crowd so why go out at all?

I almost folded last night and text the woman.. then thought better of attempting to reconnect to a walking question mark.

Still it's difficult to consistently shove out your head someone who's filled your heart and mind for years on end.

Doesn't take much to remind yourself of all the negatives and snap back into rejecting the entire idea but every now and then a little crack of doubt opens momentarily.

May 2020

Sunday, 31th May 2020

12:43 PM

Goodness, I'm out of tobacco completely..

I'll just have to pretend-like I really am giving up I suppose, which I'm always 100% set on doing anyway - while I've still got tobacco.

Once it runs out I'm never so pleased by the notion, though I've got plenty of the mint chewing gum so there won't be any physical withdrawls - just mental distraction.

Saturday, 30th May 2020

1:06 PM

This rioting in Minneapolis - now there's a news story: albeit highly prejudiced to make black people out to be the only victims who matter.

Enough to make you glad we've got sane, calm society here in Australia.

Naturally the news is focused entirely on black deaths at the hands of county police when there's no shortage at all of white people who've also been killed by the same officers.

The story is - at it's core - about police brutality in general, but when a white guy's killed it barely makes the news while if it's anything to do with a 'person of colour' America goes absolutely batshit.

It's also telling that while white deaths in custody lead to enquiries and supreme court rulings for the family demanding justice be done, when a black is involved all african-americans within that area start burning the entire fuckin' city to the ground much the same way african-african blacks start stoning, decapitating and burning people to death if they're accused of a crime against their community.

Like a genentic pre-disposition to violence that's triggered anytime circumstances give them an excuse to snap and start pounding a brick into someone else's head.

Even the ABC are focused almost entirely on the 'injustices' commited against the ever sensitive minority group and while the news outlets do mention the fact both whites and blacks have been killed by police in small american towns, it only gets a quick mention before swivelling back to focus on the racism angle.

To the point where we've just gotta hear 'police brutality' to *automatically* associate the phrase with some black person being killed, when that's just one angle of the story they're reporting on - for some reason mmm.

Three years ago, a white Australian woman doing nothing wrong was murdered by a black police officer yet nobody's mentioning that - for some reason mmm.

Oh right: talking about white deaths in custody doesn't fit-in with the narrative of how oppressed and down-trodden the black community is.

Like no other group in any other country is ever at odds with any other group in their society.

I've got tasks to finish answering anyhow, but I've watched this rioting accellerate over the past two days: though cars burning on the streets and shops/houses being looted make for some engaging images, the reporting itself is only focused on the *one* group/race/minority and disregards any victim of police who's outside that group - which is obviously biased and incomplete coverage.

Friday, 29th May 2020

10:06 PM

All the screen a person could practically want, right here...

1:25 PM

You see now, one of the leading stories in the midday news is a truffle a dog found that's 900 grams: who gives a fuck? Why and how is that information that anybody needs to be informed of?

80% of 'news' stories are like this: shit that means nothing or wanker politicians shit-talking other wanker politicians - now there's a story about cheese-boxes for fuck sake.

Remove these nonsense filler stories from our news programs and there's only 20 minutes of shit each day people actually need to know.

Racheal McGee - she's hot.

Last nights' well defrosted oven-baked chips are for lunch and I'm just thinking how obsessive I'm starting to get about the personal grooming and hygiene now I've finally got hot water again - no such thing as *too* clean though, right?

A chewy snack for the Lions hey..

Crunchy munchy yum.

Introduction to Information Technology (2037)

We'll kick it off with the first few discussion subjects marked as tasks which - judging by the steadily increasing replies - probably means I'm meant to answer too, though the course still doesn't start until Monday but I'll do them over the weekend.. I should really start a new section for study/ before I start scattering bits and pieces randomly throughout diary posts mm.

1.1.2 TASK: What does IT mean to you?


1.2.2 TASK: What is the impact of IT on your life personally? Try to discuss the positive and negative. In your opinion or from what you have read so far in this week. What is IT? Can you define it?

Growing up watching technology unfold over the years it has impacted me personally by - on the one hand - allowing me to learn about things I'd never bother visiting a library to read about, while - on the flipside - reducing my opinion of the human race to some extent: some things you are better off just not knowing yet once you've seen how messed-up human beings can get there's no unknowing.

The most obvious positive that's come with the evolution of IT - to my mind - is the fact we have an ever increasing, instantly accessible ocean of human knowledge at the tip of your fingers: ideas, creativity and like-minded people with similar interests all contribute to and share in a persistent, global library and all that information is readily accessible along with the minds who contributed.

Conversely, the most obvious negative is that limitless overload of information: bad ideas and influences being just as pervasive as good ones, which leads to the worst of human traits being cultivated and directly into the minds of anybody who might be vulnerable enough to subscribe or adopt those negative traits themselves - from the prevalence of porn to online hate groups, all the dark things that once would've resided in more demented heads now crawl around in plain site online until they become normalized. That can only be bad for the human psyche overall.

I would define IT as whatever mechanism transmits thoughts and ideas from one person to another: the simplest form of which would probably be a book - the reader effectively downloading the authors thoughts right into their own head - and though we've now moved well past simple books the technology we have is still designed to do the same thing - albeit in a more efficient and expanded way.

1.2.2 TASK: Working with others in teams


And jumping forward a few weeks in the programming module I finally found some actual java in a tiny little program that followed right after the stock-standard 'hello world' that always starts every new language tutorial, so I copy/pasted it into a *.java file on the linux laptop and ran it..

Cutest little program, it turned out to be a Body Mass Index calculator - designed to demonstrate user input scanning :)

Thursday, 28th May 2020

7:06 PM

So even through Open Universities and 100% online RMIT still recommend 24 hours per week for the successful completion of the two subjects I'll be doing this semester.

That qualifies me as a full-time student and means AUSTUDY is applicable (which I've previously said I'd be stupid to apply for) but since I've nothing else snatching my time away from me now that'll be a relaxed fit schedule.

And I get classmates to chat with online - I've already started harrassing them ;)

Now to find a profile pic where I don't look like a retard..


5:59 PM

I really want to read-up on all the classes and functions that come with the console module you know: ultimately I want to be able to log-in with the console then simply type the likes of...

append "Bla bla bla-bluh-bla" or

add image "https://url-of-image"

The console should then add/save the appended text to the *.diary file.

I want everything to be doable with the console yet I've just left it sitting idle since adding the navigation commands to it, but it's capable of much, much more - it's just a matter of sitting down with the GITHUB documentation and finding out really.

Also being careful to keep security bulletproof, since adding commands that directly access the server or file system open the console to fuck-knows with all the bots auto-crawling and auto-hacking all over the net now.

Mmm it'd be awesome though.

It could work the same for images and anything else I might want to add too - saving me any need to open or directly edit the diary file itself.

Yessums, that'd sure be a slicker way of updating.

5:00 PM

That's the class introduction post done, what else did I have to do?

Oh right just review and start reading to get a leg up on what I should've done twenty years ago..

Really, though IT is so generalized it's yeah.. what else would be a better thing to be qualified in for a guy who spent half of the ninth grade wagging school to stay at home learning to program the little Commodore VIC-20 he was given way back in the 80s - back when 5Kb RAM was the system limit and BASIC v1.0 was the only language available to a home user.

Sure I've almost exclusively learned and shown interest in web-development over the years but shoving websites to the side for a minute, it only takes a minute to realize that Technology is so pervasive now that I'm effectively guaranteed some kind of development job somewhere in a few years time.

Every little device you have around you has a chip inside it that contains code somebody has programmed: from the digital clock radio next to your bed to the remote controls we use to computers and phones to traffic lights and air-conditioning units - they ALL require code and code requires programmers, so what else could be better not only because I've always loved technology but because there's so many jobs in and around these devices we all surround outselves with.

Should've done it years ago but whatever - this will be my third enrollment in a university degree and three is my favourite number.

Third time's the charm and though it might not be the ideal time to start, when is anything ideal, ever?

And yes, I managed to resist the urge to drop the URL for this site in my introduction: don't want them thinking I'm insane before I've even started right?

3:46 PM

Okay, I've sent off the rent review form to prevent my looming eviction and cut my hair last night though - like always - I'm unsure what the back looks like exactly because I can only feel it as I cut, though it feels evenly cut mm.

Enough of this though: I've gotta start reviewing my two subjects in preparation for Monday, plus write a blab to introduce myself to my 'classmates' which I wasn't going to bother with but if I do, it'll prevent me looking like a weird fuckin' lurker - like you reading this now.

I was considering though, mm whether I should write each lesson in each unit out here just.. because?

Dunno - there's no need to write anything about the courses here, but it'll reinforce the information in my own head and seems like a better place to type it out than in a word document that'll inevitably end up lost or forgotten in my hard drive somewhere..

Also I've decided to use the cheap laptop I bought a few months ago exclusively for the IT degree, so I don't end up with bits and pieces spread across all my devices.

Course I'd rather use my old Core i7 laptop but because several keys aren't working I've had to buy a new USB keyboard for it which works just fine but means it's hardly mobile - the cheap new laptop is not only mobile but much lighter and being new, the battery also lasts much longer than the decade old i7.

Still I can hardly believe how fast the old laptop actually is considering it's age though it was a top-shelf gaming laptop at the time I purchased it.. either way I've gotta ebay a replacement keyboard whenever I've got the money because it's the only thing wrong with it - the screen is gorgeous to look at too.

That Maggie Beer, she is awful - just awful: so god-damn 'gosh-golly-gee' and 'hee, hee, hee' chipper - always talking with her fat grandma hands moving around like a fucking politician.. I dunno what it is I dislike about her but I just can't tolerate the woman.. probably because she's saccharin and fake.. and old and ugly.

Tuesday, 26th May 2020

6:08 PM

I was going to focus on something here tonight, until I saw the two subjects are already there in the student area of the RMIT site so I've downloaded the required Java JDK plus the Eclipse IDE required for Intro to Programming and am currently digging around previewing the lessons, which are also listed already.

Nothing terribly difficult or complicated there, but surprisingly there's a lesson every day of the week: the course is listed as 'full time' but I'm obviously not interested in Austudy since that'll mean no COVID-19 bonus.

I've never bothered learning any java at all though, so that's good: that they're using a language I *don't* already know..

Makes it fresher and less redundant.

Actually, I've gotta start next months post so it's ready to go.

3:20 PM

Cut my hair tonight, I will since I can shower the snippy bits off now.

Then try and focus on anything here, to practice my concentration for the two subjects starting Monday.

Cathy - from WISE Employment - called today while I was walking home, but - since I didn't have her number in my phone - it was labeled SPAM (complete with red screen flashing an' all), so I let it ring-out, before texting to find out if it was AGL or something important I need to deal with.

According to my phone logs she's rung half a dozen times in the past few weeks and I've just ignored it because I hate unknown numbers like everyone else, but she got a bit pissy it seemed that I'd ignored her calls until I told her it was marked spam, that there's no need to get cranky about it.

She'd only rung to check how people are going though and if I'd known that I would've answered just to offload a few weeks ago when I was super depressive - oh well.

I gave her the site though and told her she can find out how I've been right here anytime she likes.

2:08 PM

Gawd a warm place to go back to is great and all, but doesn't stop outside being cold enough to numb my hands.. and nose.. and ears for that matter.

Monday, 25th May 2020

4:32 PM

Finally, I've changed the stylesheet rule that displayed the console fully expanded every time the page loads: it only did this when viewed in a full-screen device like a laptop or tablet, so I didn't even see it the whole time I was creating the site - using my phone only - but whatever it's sorted now.

Sorted on this page anyway..

Now for the daily exfoliation, and shower, and shave.

I've got a few zits since doing this but I'm quite sure it's just the still-clogged pores being irritated into flairing-up and will stop once they're all ahh, more cleared.

Tell ya what too, it didn't take long for me to grow sick of all the talking-heads on TV wanking-on about everything based so obviously on their own agendas: whether it's the fake-socially-conscience-addled left or the hard-arse right, everybody who waddles into a studio for a media appearance is there only to gab-on about what's wrong with anyone who opposes their own opinion.

But we all know what opinions are like, right?

Yes, yes indeed we do.

Talking, fucking, heads: puppets of whatever political group they adhere to like idiots who cannot live their lives as independent human-beings with a brain, thoughts and philosophies of their own - instead flocking to whatever ideological group accepts them purely out of pathetic desperation to belong to anything that deludes them into thinking they're larger than a single. independent and very easily destroyed living organism, which is all any of us are.

Everyone dies alone.

Wouldn't it be really something if all news and media bodies just *stopped* broadcasting and shut the fuck up forever? All we'd be left with is the shows and movies that entertain us - how awesome..

1:44 PM

Mm I'm starting to panic a bit about this upcoming study: next Monday it starts - less than a weeks time..

It's not that it'll be difficult I'm worried about - I have no doubt I already know every concept the first two subjects entail - but my brains ability to *focus* and *absorb* the shit I'll actually be tested on.

For so long now, my mind and train of thought have been allowed to simply float around without restraint like a cloud in a high wind: now - in just a few days - I've gotta find a way to reel it back down to earth and anchor it to one point of focus.. mm.


Tinned spaghetti or baked-beans with toast for dinner tonight - or both, because I haven't had either for so long they looked fine to me.

Sunday, 24th May 2020

6:47 PM

The remaining potatoes - actually chips they are but they're still potatoes - for dinner and as I've pulled them out the oven to toss for even cooking, thought "If you could only have one kind of vegetable for the rest of your life - which is it?" I wondered how many people would seriously choose anything else?

Couldn't be many right? Potatoes are so full of starch and absorbent, yet so flavour-neutral they'll absorb anything you cook them in..

Can't say that for peas, carrots or most other vegetables except eggplant, and eggplant is fucking disgusting no matter how it's cooked.

Potatoes are the best vegetable of them all.

Spinach, Tomato, Sweet Potato or Capsicum I get in response.


5:00 PM

And just why am I suddenly snapping-back to behaving like a human-being again; showering, being clean, buying a decent bed, enrolling in uni and all the rest of it?

The answer is simple and forks into two answers from the one root: I'm never going to hook the woman who'll be my life partner while I'm sulking around in my own filth living like a pig and I'm never going to want to meet or engage her while I'm perpetually sulking about the last one and secondly, I want to still be more or less in one peice when I do.

Out with the old to make way for the new - simple as that.

Well, I'm also sick of being a cleaner and if I'd started years ago I might not ever had to do that to begin with.

Outside of better employment and a better woman, I've gotta find an idea: one good idea that hasn't been done already - an idea for something everybody will want.

That's probably just as difficult as landing that last woman I'll ever need, though an original idea that's solid gold is arguably more difficult to find mm.

4:14 PM

I've discovered the greatest text editor I've ever had the pleasure of using since installing OpenSUSE on the other laptop and downloading the RPM for Atom: it's beautiful looking, has every conceivable option a person could possibly ever want, has the ability to choose not only a visual theme for the application interface but a seperate theme for the syntax colouring too and if that's not enough, there's an entire repository of 'packages' you can install that add all kinds of additional functionality to the editor - plugins essentially..

Like that isn't all enough, Atom is completely open-source and you can create your own packages or CSS for the editor any way you like and of course, it's got remote FTP editing.

Brilliant software.

And while I'm fucking around with that, some 1955 movie is on TV, which I love because I don't need to pay attention to old-movies: the plot and acting is always so simple and lacking sophistication as to alleviate the worry you might miss a crucial bit and lose the plot progression.

Saturday, 23rd May 2020

7:27 PM

I am now a student enrolled at RMIT for a 3-year degree in Information Technology.

Kicks-off with this, which will be a dull and eye-rolling overview of networking ..

Plus this, which though also undoubtedly basic is at least what I'm more interested in ..

Because I abandoned (therefore failing) the first six subjects in that law degree from 2012, I must pass both these two subjects which won't be difficult at all - long as I actually do the assigned work - after which HECS will kick-in to pay the other 22 subjects over the next 3 years: currently FEE-HELP is funding these two, but two is all the subjects remaining that FEE-HELP will cover after failing those previous six so I *need* to pass both to switch to HECS - if that makes sense.

Some chick called Rianna explained it with a lot more clarity before resurrecting my old student account and sorting the enrollment out for me then telling me yes, I could finally go put my potatoes in the oven for dinner.

Starts in 8 days time.

5:19 PM

So, so nice to have a heater again...

I've only just turned it on since the room was still warm when I got home and *I* was warm after walking back, but still it's fucking awesome to have the ability to warm the room by simply pushing a button.

Holds the heat for hours too - the double-brick.

1:29 PM

Now I've got power and stopped myself being evicted, I've entertained the thought of having broadband connected but mm really it's not that necessary given the amount of data my phone plan has..

The thought of having my laptop running linux with every kind of server imaginable that's constantly online and accessible from anywhere with my phone or any other device is a bit of a draw though: I could quite easily migrate the site over to the laptop then just change the DNS settings to point the domain there and never pay another dime for server space again.

I'd have to pay for my internet though which would cost me more per month than the server currently does, but I would have the benefits of physically possessing the site, having completely unlimited space and data as well as complete freedom to do whatever I like without server admins bitching at me - no yeah that's happened in the past: hostmonster once suspended my account - holding it for ransom effectively - until I'd removed a stealth proxy script I had running.

God my hair is so smooth and clean..

Course, if the laptop was stolen or the hard-drive suddenly shat itself I'd lose the site just as physically as I'd owned the sucker, but - also of course - I could create backups anytime I like but who ever bothers to do that, really - nobody bothers to back shit up at all in reality.

Friday, 22nd May 2020

9:40 PM

Back to being serene - now everything's been smoothed out.

Smooth as my freshly resurfaced skin.

3:26 PM

Never mind all that below: she rang back around an hour ago and it's all but sorted - no eviction is pending anymore.

I've just gotta go over near the council next week sometime and fill out whatever rent review documents she wants me to.

Telling her I was compound depressed because of a bitch who only wanted to be a hole in my life plus the COVID-19 isolation worked a treat and even got me a fair amount of sympathy and a 'They're not all like that' to which I confirmed "No woman I've ever met has been like 'that' so far."

Just to seal the deal I told her how I've just had the electricity reconnected after sitting in the dark sulking for over a year about the bitch, which got me even more 'Aww Jason' responses from her.

So everything is a-okay and just as well since I've just got the power back on, bought vitamins, good quality skincare and even bought good shampoo and conditioner today while I was there shopping anyhow ..

Like I told her: once you realize that woman you've wanted has been deliberately absent to the point she's been no more than a hole in your life - and once you recognize you are the idiot who's wasted so much time talking yourself into believing she's somehow valuable to you - the hole just *WHOOF* vanishes and there's no reason to be miserable anymore.

No longer bogged-down in misery, I'm light enough to be charming again - which I have been.

1:55 PM

I've just found a pretty serious looking letter in my mailbox from some tribunal called NCAT that states a 'hearing date' and also states not only that a termination of tenancy will be requested, but that it will be requested whether or not I sign a payback agreement for the ridiculous $4,865 they're claiming I owe.

Of course this has finally motivated me to ring the woman but the receptionist only got her voicemail so I've gotta wait for her to call me back.

This is a bit of a serenity killer I say, though we'll see what the woman tells me when she calls back, which I'd rather happen today than next week so I know sooner rather than later if the "Boohoo I've been just too depressed to call you back" defense will work or not.

It *should* work - especially with the depressive effects of COVID-19 isolation being well accepted over the past several months or so.

Thursday, 21st May 2020

5:39 PM

For the first time in quite a while I am not just relaxed, but serene.

3:05 PM

And today's audible purchase is a twelve-hour, university-level course in creative non-fiction writing, rated 4.8/5 stars by enough people for the rating to matter: written and narrated by some hot chick who's currently professor of English at, wherever it was.

A well-stacked blonde with a pretty voice who's very easy to listen to.

Speaking of hot blondes: one of the photos I've dug-up from my old laptop is a scanned photo of the portrait I did of Tanya - the slut who broke my heart for the first time when I was 21 - and a woman I fell so hard for at the time, I thought I'd never love any woman again mmhmm.

The face of love, truly: the more emotion involved and the deeper it gets, the darker the flipside ends up - always.

This painting - painted in a moment of *extreme* anger from whatever I could find around the house to paint with because I'd only had one tube of cheap paint at the time - was around 1×1 meter and I did almost everything possible that expressed hate as I painted it: from focusing on her being dead to spitting on, pissing on, ejaculating on the face I did every disrespectful thing I could to this placeholder for the woman I'd created, then finished by cutting my own hand then spilling and smearing my own blood on it.

The lettering is a curse that roughly translates to "Sickness, poverty and death be on her" so the blood was mandatory and if you think that sounds just mental, that's not the end of it.

Shortly after funneling all that hate into the painting I had a short, sharp dream about the woman in question, which should've been a nightmare but didn't feel like one.

I was standing on the roof of a skyscraper in the middle of the night - a tiny roof only the size of an average bedroom - that dropped off into blackness on all four sides.

Looking around I see Tanya laying on a deck chair sunbaking - middle of the night and all - thought nothing of it and didn't want to engage her so I turn to face forwards again, aware she's right behind me but yeah it was a very detached, dreamy kind of dream, when I see an unborn fetus on the ground at my feet and very near the edge of the roof.

I look down and consider this premature infant for a moment, then swung back a leg and kicked it off the edge of the building, watched it disappear into the dark and felt absolutely nothing about it.

Then I'm awake and thinking that was a fucking reaaally weird one, that: I'd never dreamt about any baby on my life before and I don't think I've ever dreamt of a baby - born or not - in the 25 years since that dream.

And here's where it gets crazy: the punchline, if you'd call it that..

Month's after this dream and completely of of the blue I get a phone call from Tanya for the first time since I was living in the same town as her more than a full year earlier and - again - the last time she ever phoned me at all.

Sounding pretty mental and unbalanced, she rang to tell me she might've made a mistake, that she'd been raped by some friend she thought was just the nicest guy ever and has subsequently has an abortion as a result.

I was stunned into silence of course, but also deeply happy to hear this and though the idea the dream .. yeah that's impossible right? Yet yeah mm I still cannot understand how such an obscure dream I'd never had before or since could be followed by her telling - confirming - what I'd already dreamed in that very symbolic scene.

I haven't even thought about continuing with the site's coding for days you know, though it doesn't really matter: long as I've got diary functionality that's the primary role the site serves, and what it's it today - Thursday.

I'll go deep-clean my face in a little while.

2:54 PM

I also bought these this week: I ran out of vitamins about two months ago just before having my job snatched off me by a cunt then realized while I was laying around depressed as fuck that it'd been weeks since I'd had those multivitamins which - though it might not directly cause me to sink into a baleful, fuck-the-world mentality - certainly doesn't improve mood; especially knowing how shit my diet usually is.

Yes I realize I'm not over 50+ yet but figure old people need more in their multivitamins, so additionally figure there'll be higher levels of whatever elements are in that jar than the < 50s one.

11:06 AM

I slept like the dead last night - the mattress was just fine.

Maybe not as comfortable as a brand new thousand-dollar brand but I can't really judge though I do know it's more comfortable than a waterbed and even if I'd wanted to arse around with an actual bed frame there's no store in town that sells new mattresses and who would want to sleep on a second hand one when there's no way of knowing how many people have shed particles of dead skin, grime, saliva, sweat, fucked and come all over it before the thing ever got to me?

No fucking thank-you.

Having said that, the inflatable I got was cheap, self inflated in just three minutes and was just as firm as a normal mattress but - most importantly - it's up off the floor and clean: clean enough that I can finally clear out the pores of my skin and keep them clean, so I'm looking for a micro-fine exfoliant today to sandblast my face now I'm living like a human being again.

Not that I'll be fucking around deep-cleaning my face regularly but it's been quite a while since there's been any point bothering.

Unaware which would work best between the foaming or grit-filled shit I got both, why not - I can use the foaming cleanser as shaving cream once it's proper clean.

Rosemary tried to apply chemist-grade experience to advising me about chick-shit but we both agreed pretty quickly Kelly knows better so I had both of them weighting-out the pros and cons of the various brands for me while I explained how I've been lying on the floor in the dust for years now and feel the need to get my face proper clean, how the whole buying skincare products is way too gay for my liking, but that ordinary soap isn't going to clear the pores of my skin so it's just gotta happen.

Which of course it has, though I'd honestly rather buy tampons for a woman than skincare for myself.

Obviously, right: I'd give just about fucking anything to be buying tampons just for the implication involved.

I need to trim my hair again too and I don't know why it grows so fast, but I don't wanna get little needles of hair all over my freshly cleaned pillowcases so um, fuck that.

Wednesday, 20th May 2020

12:29 PM

Finally after two years, I'm off the floor, at regular bed-height and subsequently get to use those $200 sheet and quilt sets..

Think I'll sleep quite well indeed tonight and early while I'm at it - all I'm waiting for to complete the making of said bed is the second pillowcase to dry in front the heater and I'll be in 100% clean bedding that's almost two feet off the ground.

I can even sleep naked if I want without crap from the carpet coating me like a lamington.

Like, wow!

Tuesday, 19th May 2020

6:57 PM

Speaking of bones.. I also found photos of the only possession I've ever actually cared about losing..

12:15 PM

I had this creepy dream last night.

About an old witch similar to pumkinhead who couldn't be killed because all her bones had to be completely destroyed in order to stop her and I don't know how I knew this - I just did.

One those dreams that starts at the end and you know everything that's happened even though you weren't there for most of it.

This witch-thing would return to her skeleton every time she died but her skeleton was not just neatly sealed away in some grave or tomb where you could simply go in and pulverize them: her bones were scattered all over the place and as long as a single fragment remained she could return to any bone she liked and start regenerating, which means she could be anywhere at any time.

I only entered the dream at the end like I said and as I'm standing there in a dark, dusty room with an worn hardwood floor that contained just a few moving boxes scattered around, I remember quietly saying to myself "She'll never stop..".

Just as I've muttered those words I saw movement behind one of the boxes, took a step forward and leaned over to see a tiny fragment of bone on the floorboards hopping and twisting and jumping around on the spot.

A moment later I've blinked or something and see this hunched pale thing coming out the darkness at me - slowly at first; she looked like a skeleton with the thinnest membrane of semi-transparent skin stretched taught over all those bones.

Completely silent as she shambled towards me I knew she was coming to feed off me - though I didn't know exactly how - and I knew that once she'd fed, she would become more filled, healthier and younger.

Can't imagine who that dream might've been about.

Monday, 18th May 2020

5:14 PM

Dunno why you're still here: clearly you're not dead yet.


Sunday, 17th May 2020

1:42 PM

Not only have I found on the old laptop, all the projects I created over years of playing with all the most expensive creativity software im earth - that I'd always scored with cracks and hacks and key generators - but also many photos: some dating back as far as 1990 that are scanned bitmap images..

Here is the earliest of them: taken when I was 16 in the clothes I'd chosen for the wedding of the biggest arsehole in the family - Patrick - with that wanker pose at the insistence of my grandmother, who also insisted on taking the photo in the first place..

Only wedding I ever went to and as boring as shit until everyone started getting pissed enough to start fighting.

I still remember how much I liked that vest though: I'd never in my life to that point wore any vest and the velvet felt super soft and furry.

And now - loathe as I am to do it - I've gotta open the old laptop and clean the keyboard out: several keys aren't doing anything while all the rest are and with dried bird shit and mildew from the sump room at the TAFE plus fuck knows what else streaked all over the device it needs a good wiping-down and blowing-out anyway.

Just the amount of dust that'd have to be in there from the years I used it at Michele's is enough to warrant opening the sucker and cleaning it out - I'll use one of the clean white sheets I'd almost forgotten I had as a table top.

After a shower.

Saturday, 16th May 2020

8:57 PM

And this..

8:04 PM

I've plugged my original laptop in and it's still working fine..

Not only that, it's got like 700gb+ of space plus linux installed and it's still twice as fast as the new laptop..

With Apache, PHP, Perl and MySQL already installed it's a perfect web server..

Well, perfect web-server waiting to happen.

And look what I just found..

Photos of a certain fresh-from-the-store Poppy looking not very secure just minutes after being brought from the car and sat on the ground outside :)

Looking decidedly suspicious, she is and I knew pft about taking photos back then.

Practice certainly made much better over time.. what was she 7 weeks or something there.

3:33 PM

Next on the agenda: cleaning this place thoroughly - opposed to just the areas I use.

The question as to why I've suddenly decided to organize the utilities and rent plus begin studying is pretty simple really: apart from Michele simply giving a shit enough to nag me into bothering, I've spent the past two or three years absolutley dead-locked because of the weakest excuse for love I've ever had the misfortune of knowing and there just comes a time to let it go completely.

Letting it go completely, if I'm starting with nothing and nobody there's no longer any reason to punish myself sitting in a dark flat desperately wanting to be with anyone who's spent years getting sloppy with anyone like a common, small-town slapper while I've waited alone trying to believe she's any better than that like a fuckin' idiot.

Like being told to wait to eat a nice looking mango for so long that fruit-flies have filled it with maggots while you've waited.

When you finally no longer want someone anymore the constant separation-anxiety that's eating away at you from the inside like acid, just disappears: the hole no longer exists when you no longer miss them anymore.

I'll find a new camping mattress to replace the shitty thing that slut gave me when I was homeless, then I'll find some kind of replacement table and chairs so I can discard the set I've been using.

If you haven't clued-on already: I want you gone from my life forever; no more occasional texting, no more ghosting, no more anything - I don't even want to know whether you're alive or dead.

Whether that sounds like a nullification of my insisting on the presence of true love or not is irrelevant: even a dog will start biting back if you treat it badly enough and you've been such a nasty peice of shit for so long now I don't have any geniunely warm or good memories of you whatsoever anymore - used me as a sperm donor for a few months and that was the end of your endlessly selfish excuse for kindness and all the horrid bullshit since, yeah - why would I want anyone who's even capable of being that much of a cunt for that long.

I don't.

Seriously - lose my number.

Lose the site too while you're at it.

I could rant for another dozen paragraphs but won't because I am better off just acting like I never met you in the first place, which I'll continue doing.

Even your idea of friendship is ridiculous and anytime I want an ear or friend Michele is there: you've been nothing but an occasional text for so long there's nothing lost with my mind only becoming calmer now I no longer want to be with you at all anymore.

1:35 PM


Warm and comfortable again and now I've been out and returned home I'm thinking about that: I honestly expected AGL would demand at least some chunk of the outstanding amount before they'd reconnect and more than likely want a re-connection fee for doing so.

Instead, the chick instantly did what I'd asked, though - for my part - I'd instantly explained that I've been living like a feral for nearly two years now and am sick of washing myself with stove-heated water in the bathroom sink; that I would agree to any terms & conditions she likes for a hot shower again.

I also told her about the toilet-brush 'joke' that cost me a full-time job among other things - since we were waiting for her to type shit in her database and rearrange the reconnection anyway.

I could've had the power back on a year ago..

Course I did not ring about the $3000+ outstanding rent on friday afternoon, because I figure whatever wheels are turning from their end there was no eviction notice in my mailbox and whether I ring on Friday, Monday or even Tuesday they'll either change it or they won't.


10:36 AM

Buses replace trains yet again this weekend while 20 railway employees stand around in a circle at every station - all watching one person tightening bolts on vertical columns the power lines are attached to.

On the upside though, I've got a brand new coach on the way back with remarkably nice leather seats.

Friday, 15th May 2020

6:36 PM

I can watch the news now again and gosh, what a fucking benefit that is.

Everyone still whining and bitching about a virus that seems to have been elevated to epic proportions by a species so bored with it's comfort-filled and predictable existance they'd grab on to anything that might make the world seem more dangerous or exciting..

I've added a list_entries() module while I've been abusing the endless procession of spaghetti-necked, plain, bored idiots on TV: words/diaries/

1:18 PM

Just a few weeks and I've already forgotten where half the sections of code I need are to continue on with the site..

Now I'm back here too, chill forced from the room by warm air.. mm I'm too comfortable to really give too much of a shit.

Plus, I know I'll be able to start-up again anytime I like - I've even set the laptops power settings to never turn off.

What's the hurry right?

Soon, next week actually, there will be a hurry to look around to figure out what courses are available for me to get my arse moving towards programming qualifications which will obviously have to start with some boring introductory-level garbage I'll be able to do in my sleep, but that's how it goes isn't it: can't start with at IT degree..

Whether it's TAFE or an online University .. actually I remember the criminal law degree I started years ago and that was simply a case of signing the HECS fee thingos and starting so I quite possibly can start with a degree, though I gave up the law degree after a few months long as I get more HECS than just a single degree I should be able to mm.

Too late to be an IT superstar, but not too late to get qualified then start on the path of cushy freelance work writing relatively small, boring code for large projects and make $100/hour for sitting on a laptop anywhere I like.

Certainly that'd be favourable to endless, small, irrelevant TAFE courses that only ever result in a 'diploma'.

Still I remember too, I was right into the first few units of the law studies, until the statistics units begun and they were fucking nothing but graphs and columns filled with numbers - that killed it for me.

Thursday, 14th May 2020

8:22 PM

My god how awesome to be laying here clean; gas heater billowing hot air into a room warm enough to be warm in only a single merino base-layer: no down jacket, no curling under two-layers of blankets just to create a pocket of warmth and just in time for winter.

Best ten minutes I've spent on the phone in, mm at least 1.5 years.

100% you.

Couple of texts from someone who genuinely gives a shit - what a difference: like night and day.

No derisive nasty bullshit, no uncaring snarky " would if you had've paid your bills."

Just shock that I'd be living without power for so long and a simple 'Call tomorrow and get your power back on - you'll feel better.' and I did; and I do.

Only person who's consistently loved me, that woman - like I said.

5:06 PM

Goodness how nice does that feel.

Three complete lather/rinse cycles were required to get my hair clean enough to finally squeak and that was all very well with my face not being particularly dirty anyhow since I've shaved and washed that regularly even without having showers available, but the dead skin that sloughed off my body when I wiped myself, that was ridiculous: arms, legs, sides, feet, back, front, neck and chest - every square inch was coated in so much dead skin that twenty minutes in, I realized it'll take more than a single shower to get it all off.

I got a fair bit removed though: rubbing my skin to wipe the dead shit into little grey, wormy bits then soaping up a lather and rinsing it away, but there's plenty more.

2:10 PM

The heater is on and in a few hours the water tank should be fully heated 😜

In the meantime I can finally plug back in the few appliances: clock, laptop, kettle, toaster, television.. the fridge needs to be bleached anyway so that can wait and actually, the water is already pretty hot, though I'll leave it to be sure I've got a fully-full tank of steaming hot water before taking the first shower I've had in almost two years.

And that's cheered me up too you know - much like cleaning the kitchen yesterday.


What didn't add to my improved mood is turning the TV on for the first time in - again - almost two years to find fucking parliament question time instead of the news mm.

Tomorrow I'll ring and deal with this pending eviction notice since there's no immediate benefit to doing that.

While I wait for that shower and now I've got my laptop back, I'm installing linux which requires only a fraction of the resources windows does and on a laptop so light on hardware it'll run faster/smoother/better, without all the bloat and unnecessary shit of Microsoft's much slower operating system.

12:57 PM

Finally, I've rung AGL and sorted the electricity and a chick called Jessica was just perfect: she's requested same day connection which isn't guaranteed but if it's not reconnected today, tomorrow will be a certainty.

Best of all, because I left my bill so long before thei disconnected me a year and a half or more ago, they've written that off so there's no bill whatsoever to pay on that and the electricity balance starts at $0.

The gas still sits at $1,500, but that's better than $3000+ and I've only gotta pay $25/week to keep it connected.

I'll have hot showers and a heater back within 24 hours.

Fucking hot showers and a warm room to come out into.. that's actually got me a bit excited..

Comfort, finally.. and my laptop back.

11:08 AM

Everywhere I am Old-Brian seems to be shambling around..

Yesterday while waiting at the Woolworths kiosk to get tally-hos I hear someone muttering under their breath then turn around just in time to see Brian shriek as the sliding doors slam shut on him - trapping him between them. I raised my eyebrows like everyone else but otherwise acted like I didn't know him and now he's here at Coles as I'm coming out - same deal though, without the sliding doors.

Sure not the dynamic, community-minded socialite I was two years ago, but whatever.

I've got quite enough to have the shits about myself without dealing with a crippled old man who squeals if the wind changes suddenly and.. all his clingy bullshit.

I'm sure he's only playing the useless card to whore attention anyway.

Wednesday, 13th May 2020

6:36 PM

I'd planned to come back and fuck around with the site this afternoon but didn't.

Instead, I cleaned the kitchen; dishes, benches and scrubbed half the floor before disinfecting everything and I'm seriously considering calling AGL tomorrow to get the electricity back on.

Michele was right: I do feel better for doing something.

11:17 AM

For some reason I woke up to find several hundred dollars in my bank this morning, deposited by Brs payroll even though I haven't done a single hour for almost two months.


Weird that should happen the very morning after I'd told Woman #7 she's shown herself to be no more than some other cunts slutty ex-wife who can shove her $50 loan up her arse.


The Universe patting me on the back for sucking it up and saying it how it is.

A few more days without the clouded vision and she'll be no more than a local slop hole with a mop-top, wrinkled face and sagging breasts, every time I think of her - and with that snide, nasty streak always right under the thin layer of charm .. nothing worthy of thought and nothing true love can bare being in the same room as.

I haven't heard from Old-Brian since he insisted on asking my number the other day thankfully: the idea he needs my advice to buy a laptop is doubtless a ruse to try and make me feel useful but the frustration I'd encounter in such a process - Brian wanting to stretch it out into an ordeal, first asking then debating details about laptops that're pure fact and not even required when the only thing that matters anymore is the devices performance..

The better the hardware; the better the performance; the more money it will cost him ans Brian is too cheap to pay for quality so he'll end up with a door-weight.

Stresses me out just thinking about it.

Tuesday, 12th May 2020

3:18 PM

You see: even after being such an arsehole for 5 years then spending the 5 years just gone squealing like a pig at her about a woman without any sense of caring in her at all and all the bullshit went with that, the first and only person to ring and try to cheer me up is Michele.

She's right of course: doing nothing but lying around depressed isn't going to do anything but make me more depressed though it's easier to say when you've got a family that's always been there to genuinely help or prop you up if you need them, your own house, animals and financial security.

Difficult to receive advice when you've never had a family that's any use at all to you, have had to relocate to a different place to live some fifteen times in ten years, have never had a social circle because you grew up in a tiny flat with a mother who was practically a shut-in who never encouraged you to socalize and have never had anything - let alone finacial security and nobody to prop you back up when you're fucked.

Really, it's easy to talk about what you'd do if caught in the rain when you've never had a drop touch you because a normal family has always been there to provide a guided umbrella for you to stand under.

Still she's right - I should do something. Anything.

Doesn't mean I want to though and if there's no enjoyment in doing anything why fuckin' bother doing anything anyway?

Listen to another podcast about a mother who's super-charming new boyfriend raped and murdered her kid: even that didn't cheer me up - usually that'd make me feel fortunate, since it's not me, not my shit and I'm not the one blubbering on some news report.

Now though, I'm too depressed to even find other people's depression comforting.

Monday, 11th May 2020

2:56 PM

Comes a time when you realize there's no longer any point in talking - to anyone: people either don't understand anyway or don't give a shit.

Sure I can scribble out things that happen or will happen and recount stories all I like but nobody's ever interested in doing any more than skimming over things that amuse them and disregarding anything that doesn't.

Any thoughts or emotions deeper or more pressing than comical annoyance are wasted here so there's no point writing about any if it.

11:12 AM

I've just had to engage Brian fuck it.. a thing I've managed to avoid for quite a while now.. months even.

Mostly by being on the other side of the street and doing nothing to indicate I've seen him, I've not had to stop and talk to Brian since before the Coronavirus lockdown started.

He wants to buy a new laptop he says and still remember shouting at him the church over the two hours it took to explain the RED and GREEN buttons on the cheapest model of mobile phone - that I told him not to waste his money on - Ahlei telling me be careful I don't give him a heart attack and Brian acting like I was the idiot for his own lack of comprehension on such a basic principal as GREEN=YES, RED equals fucking NO *what's* so difficult about that? It's a universally used colour schema that's understood by the entire universe and yet here's this old man - one who ACTS like a real GENIUS at that - getting angry at *me* because his brain has turned to mush on him.

Something I hadn't considered at the time you know: I figured he was old and slow but still mentally operating on all cylinders and if I'd thought otherwise I probably wouldn't have agreed to helping him at all with any kind of technology purchase.

Now he wants to a laptop and before we'd even got the basics sorted he's arguing with me that new laptops *don't* have windows installed, so he'll have to buy it separately: I tell him he's wrong - that every device has an operating system already installed you've only gotta turn it on for it to start installing and set itself up.

For Michéle

Thursday, 7th May 2020

5:56 PM 🤐

And no, I've not made today a little tribute to Michéle to be an arse, but because rain or shine she's been more of a friend to me than anyone else I've ever known: even when I've done nothing at all for her she's never ignored me, never fucked me around, never rejected me, never shown anything but care regardless how frustrating I can be and she's never been motivated by anything but warmth, affection and kindness towards me.

Sure, it's all very sad that the woman I've been stupid-in-love with for over half a decade couldn't see past her own nose in all that time - being so wrong in all the places that should be right that she could only degrade, belittle and destroy that love - but that's her failure and whatever it is that's so broken would've been loved soft long ago if there ever was the slightest possibility.

All that's left now after so many years of that destructive, degrading belittlement is a cold, hard and mildewing little pile of tough shit bitch.

So I'm here, sitting on the carpet with a dustpan and broom sweeping the build-up of everything that's built up on the floor over the past six months or so since I don't have a vacuum cleaner and only clean the carpet well, infrequently at best, when I start pondering the ludicrous - though now faded to the point of irrelevance and long expired situation with Woman #7.

Don't misread any of this as another outpouring of angst about her lack of reciprocation: I genuinely don't give a shit either way anymore so it amounts to no more than the kind of detached, analytical musing only possible once you've finally become far enough separated for long enough to take a good number of steps back and just think "What the fuck was I thinking?"

I'm just mm, curious now, as to how another human beings internal processes can be so void of humanity that I could just as easily have wasted five years proclaiming love and devotion to a house-brick, and why on earth I would've done so for that long.

The conclusion to the unpacking of these thoughts is the realization that the only person who has genuinely and consistently loved me for the last five years is Michele, who has always been there in any way she can whether to give me money to stop me starving or as a sympathetic ear for me to rant at or just as a friend who understands me: not my mother with her skulking around like a bridge troll and only ever taking an interest about any bad things that have happened to me, not Woman #7 who has only ever got her cheapies stringing me along while treating me like a fucking disease to be avoided at all costs, not Mandy who was sucking the closest cock less than a week after I'd walked out and not any of the arseholes at the church.

Actually, not every arsehole at the church: Toni - she loved me I reckon and although the age gap is too huge and she's too married for me, she never came across as fake or whatever and I loved Toni too - just not in the fucky way.

But Michele: despite being halfway across the country like she has been since I left Adelaide; despite how I treated her like fucking shit for the five years I lived with her and despite my frequently telling her how miserably in-love with another woman I was and how that would've doubtlessly hurt her, Michele has *always* been there in any way she possibly could.

Where Woman #7 made such a clear a point of showing me how completely she could keep her activities with any man an absolute secret - to such an extent that no trust could possibly exist without me forcing myself to be willfully gullible as a dog, Michele is honest and open enough that when she told me - whenever it was - that she'd not been with another man in the 5 years since I was there, I knew she was telling me the truth.

I'm not getting geared-up to run on back or even attempt to reunite with Michele here or anything like that - once it's over with anybody, it's over and that's just how it stays and always has - but underlining the staggering difference between a woman who loves me and a vacuous pretender who - for all those years of carrot-on-a-stick bullshit - was never in possession of the holy grail of love she pretended to have on offer.

She never had the so-called prize to her nasty little game in the first place.

I've gotta finish sweeping before I continue with this, before it's dark and more difficult to see..

A process that I kinda like, you know: though I wouldn't say no to a vacuum cleaner if one were available, sweeping the carpet is pretty relaxing and though it takes a while - working the area around where I'm sitting for several minutes before moving to another patch of carpet - the results are better than you might imagine with very little - even sand and grit - remaining once it's done.

I've gotta cook my porterhouse steak, and eat the sucker..

God I love porterhouse steak.. raw but warm in the middle and dripping blood, a layer of cooked-on salt covering the entire slab of meat and dusted with pepper after the heat goes off while it's resting those few minutes..

One day I'll remember to look for a nicely marbled peice of wagu beef from the butcher's and try .. yeah that shit'd be heaven-on-a-fork!.

8:46 AM

Todays listen is the Jewel of Seven Stars - a classic I read as a kid before ever even knowing who Bram Stoker was.

Like Dracula was the first for all the vampire lore and stories that followed, Stokers Jewel was the creation of the lore that spawned endless curse-of-the-mummy plots created in the years since and I still remember being just in love with the ruby gemstone and its ethereal power, as well as the mummy herself who possessed a sweet, shy and pretty English girl as the book progressed: unlike contemporary books and movies that would see the chaste, lovely woman turn into some power-hungry, cock-sucking slut, the girl in the Victorian era original became distraught as she felt her own personality being swallowed by the long dead Egyptian queen - back when people had a little class you know; before the internet pulled out all the stops and infected the human race by exposure to every kind of perversion so commonly as to make almost anything acceptable regardless the cost to people's souls.

I could rant about that all day and night too in a society where it just seems fucking impossible to find my counter: a woman still in possession of a complete, untarnished soul of her own.

A heart and soul as pure as my own.

I recall reading the book multiple times back when I was twelve or thirteen or so, and the book - having a much more seductive atmosphere than a horror one - enchanted me.

Indeed, the mesmerizing jewel itself is almost a character in itself and holds a constellation within the deep red stone.

Though books that impress you as a kid don't always hold their appeal as an adult, this is a novel written for adults and I still love the original Dracula - with crazy, bird-eating Renfield and his zoophagia - so his Mummy story should hold too, though I haven't started listening yet.

Really, I'm half inclined to wait until tonight to start - when I can give it my undivided attention - but I won't since I can always listen to it again.

Wednesday, 6th May 2020

8:28 PM

I've come to a realization - an epiphany, if you will.

That realization being that there is no point at all in saying what is in my heart to anyone - no point and no good ever comes from it: no matter who it is.

People instinctively know anyway and either blend into a merged, mutual understanding or they don't - all the heart-felt babbling on earth doesn't change a thing about how anyone else feels.

That is all and there'll be never again another boohoo, proclamation or pleading for understanding: anyone worth more than dog shit to me will already understand and act or they're not worth the time or effort.

Anything I've had to say about 'feelings' has already been repeated ad-nauseum and one day when I've met someone worth telling, they'll hear it all - until then how I feel or whatever 'feelings' are alive or dead are nobodies business but my own and I'll waste not another second indulging anyone for any reason whatsoever.

The era of being openly expressive is over and done.

My steak's getting cold.

1:06 PM

Instead of a second pouch of tobacco this week I bought gum - though the photo's not attractive enough so I'll leave it out.

I'll hate it until I start feeling my circulation improve and energy levels increase and I didn't even want to waste my time ordering leaky vaporizer liquid or fucking around with the charging and cleaning and refilling: mint chewing gum; $40/200, cheaper, easier and much less messy.

There's so many things to do with the site it makes me a little ill to think about: like a swimming-pool filled to the brim with every kind of spare part imaginable - each part needing to be cleaned, oiled and bolted into place and the half bottle of Cointreau I drank last night sure as shit isn't driving me to get on with it.

Though if I'm going to do anything, updating the information page to include the content injection script should be first: I can write out plans as well as features there and all the little bits and peices I've added or implemented so far have come about because of the info/ page - where the seed of the ideas were planted because the process of writing-out the design and functionality of the site allows the ideas to swim around in my head, grow and evolve as I'm explaining them.

Yeah it's good how that works, even if nobody else wants or cares to read a detailed account of site mechanics it's more interesting to me than these standard, unproductive diary entries.

11:09 AM

I've just drank three coffees too quickly and feel ill like a person does after consuming too much milk too fast.

Speaking of which there's an awful lot of sick-looking fuckers dragging themselves around town today: all the stooped postures, running noses and scuffing of feet.. like a fucking zombie movie..

I've asked Blonde Chick a few minutes ago whether society is going to reopen again soon.

Given she's there - bored shitless in a half-closed cafe all day - I figure she'll have a better idea than most since like any other cafe they're keen to be able to reopen normally and Blonde Chick has stated she's bored standing around doing take-away coffee orders only.

Blonde Chick shrugs and says she doesn't know then opines 'They going to lift a few restrictions this weekend or something?'

"Dunno" I tell her "I never watch the news at all."

She leans against the bench the coffee machine sits on, tilts her head at a 45° angle, gives me a derisive smile and tells me maybe if I did, I'd have some idea what's going on in the world?


I like Blonde Chick.

The whole time I was homeless I remember I'd start my day at 6:00 AM when Coles opens, every morning walking into that shopping centre was like walking into a warm bath - after packing my sleeping-bag away in the -2°C winter wind - and every morning after locking myself in the disabled toilet to wake up a bit I'd go grab an iced coffee from the supermarket and go down to have a smoke in the carpark and at around 6:30 AM, I'd say "Morning, Blonde Chick!" when I'd walk past and see her setting-up the cafe for the day, though I could never actually buy a hot coffee there because by the time she'd folded-up the concertina and had the coffee machine hot I'd already have left to get coffee at the waffle place on the main street - which opened at 6:30 AM.

As for the news, I still remember coming up after sixteen months living like a feral and being genuinely surprised to find Malcolm Turnbull had replaced Tony Abbott as the Prime Minister and even now there could be a thermonuclear weapon wipe Sydney off the map and I'd honestly have no idea until someone told me it'd happened.

The news utterly bores me: a daily report on human nature; human nature expressing itself with the same spectrum of shit on a cycling loop - names, faces and countries might vary but it's always the same crap.

Tuesday, 5th May 2020

6:37 PM

I should start adding short stories from my past you know: I still haven't even got around to writing about that peacock I mowed-down in the bush that time or the shark - much bigger than the surfboard I was languidly relaxing on - that drifted just a few feet under me while I was stoned, pissed and way further out from shore than I thought I was.

Instantly straight and instantly pissing sweat I'd never thought it possible to paddle the half kilometer to dry land so fucking fast and there's the darker things: the toy poodle I'd kick around the yard as a kid, whose dinner bowl would be crawling with cockroaches each night when I'd go outside to slop more dog food in it and waking-up as an eight year old to see the silhouette of my mother standing right at the foot of my bed with an upraised carving knife in her hand..

A decade later, my mothers psychiatrist ringing personally to inform me he's legally required to warn me that said mother has 'had invasive thoughts' about cutting, stabbing or otherwise maiming me with a knife: in her twisted logic to prevent my moving back up the coast and the two locks I immediately put on the bedroom door that very day.

Having that same mother try to smash through my bedroom door in a rage by charging at it with her shoulder, while I stood braced against the door on the other side - waiting for that deranged, flabby bulk to crash into the other side again and again - bulging the middle of the cheap plywood with the impact and the sounds of countless fractures splintering the wood every hit.

Standing in the sand dunes at Tuncurry beach off my face on gold top mushrooms wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, looking up at the sky and seeing the face of god in the clouds looking right back at me then talking to him like my doodbro and minutes later looking down to see dozens of dark coloured snakes writhing around my feet.

So many stories.. each of which could be quite excellent, if they were written fully and well.

Not starting tonight though: after two days with nothing to eat but a litre of milk two days ago, I'm on my second pouch of Heinz 'more-edible-than-tinned' soup - the first of which I ate four hours ago with bread rolls and butter, which is exactly how I'll be eating the potato and leek one in a minute.

Like an Auschwitz survivor without the lice, drippy scabs and bedsores, living on a cockroach a day before being rescued - I've gotta reintroduce food in an easily digested format and the Woolworths bread rolls I bought today taste like they've been in a fucking freezer since 1935 so there's, some authenticity..

10:59 AM

Ahh Joanna: every time I see her I'm unable to fight off a smirk at what a bastard I was towards the end of that two years 😏

It always ends-up that way of course: like there's a ceiling on how familiar I can be with anybody and once my head starts bumping against that ceiling it stops being right, starts being an effort then rapidly devolves from genuine warmth to wishing their head explodes while I'm talking to them or willing they be the victim of a road fatalilty.

Still now I remember clearly, refusing to clean out the fridge because it was Daisy the chick living in the opposite cabin - whose leftover shit was filling the fridge and why should I have to clean her crap up - I paid $50 per week off her rent for months when she couldn't afford it anymore: just to avoid her moving out and possibly being replaced by some fat chick or another old bitch like that Lorraine.. never know right? Any new 'tenant' could replace her and I'd have no say in it at all.

Best keep the okay looking, 20 year old skank who seems utterly incapable of noticing her dressing-gown keeps coming loose than roll the dice on another random taking her place.

Anyway everything in that fridge was the recently departed cabin-mates - except one casserole dish half filled with something I'd forgotten was in there and when I still couldn't be fucked even cleaning that but simply walked over to the bin, opening the lid and dropped the entire contents in lid and all, the disbelief and shock from Joanna that I'd just throw away a perfectly good casserole dish like that.

That anything so trivial in retrospect could be such a heated argument at the time is pretty amusing 😎

That horsey bitch

Like a circus pony doing pointless tricks for any eyeballs bored enough to watch-on and toss her a carrot...

I was listening to Truman Capote's In Cold Blood again last night - as I lay on the floor without smokes, coffee and nothing but a few licorice twists to eat, waiting the last night away for payday this morning - and there was one passage of text in particular that stood out to me.

Perry Smith - one of the two mass killers in the story for anyone who's never read the book - had a sister who was the most stuck up, plastic bitch you could imagine who wanted nothing to do with Perry in the end because as far as she was concerned he was simply a loser who burned all his bridges and made one bad decision after another - all his fault, bla bla bla.

This sister - who considered herself such a standup example of a kind and lovely human being - was examined via analysis of a letter she'd written by a friend of Perry's, Willie Jay: an introspective, deep thinking reformed criminal turned prison preacher who dissected the letter into its various components and gave a detailed unveiling of the thinly concealed intent behind each.


Oh your money is back in your bank 🐴

Friday, 1st May 2020

2:00 PM

Still fucking freezing in here .. fucking shitty little tomb that it is I have to get outta here and find an actual home again with actual people in it.

Fuck this living alone shit.

I've fixed the wordcount by subtracting the 1591 words that already exist in the HTML itself anyway so it's accurate across all pages.

1:42 PM

This is the so called 'easier to use' visual admin panel for MySQL: it's like, there's almost nothing on the page that's recognizable to a human being..

All the while we've got a maximum of 6°C outside today which is equally non-compatible with human beings and though the down jacket didn't completely shield against the ice-cold wind, I'm glad I bought it because it would've been unbearable outside in only layers of cloth today - even layers of merino.

12:05 AM

So as well as the litany of minor touch-up jobs I've still got to finish on the various scripts, I also need to rewrite the hit-counter so it's specific to each diary file instead of the page itself - even though the scripts are included in the page so the page remains the file the browser actually loads.