April  2020

How is Coronavirus still a thing?

Mood Analytics
The writing on this page is gloomy, extremely emotional, laced with obscenities and obsessed with the need to find the woman he belongs with..
👍 177 | 👎 354 | 🎨 240 | 💛 103 | 🤬 137 | ❣ 118

18195 words. ℹ

words_2 viewed 6522 times by 216 Lurkers.

I'm sure as shit over it..

Thursday, 30th April 2020

5:22 PM

No fear of $romantics popping the stats and tinting the page red anytime soon.

Next month I'll start shoving my head in MySQL and begin the transition from saving everything to files to a genuine database system, plus start implementing cookies properly and create a backup module that'll email the backed-up data using cron to schedule automatically, since each months' entry will only be a few hundred kilobytes max.

1:14 PM

Hmmm.. fuck love hate hate hate love love..

Fuck is classed as both an $expressive and a $curse, while hate is classed as both a $negative and an $emotive..

Several words are like that which complicates the results of each count, but it's necessary of course since it's true and there's still a great many words I can add to each type, though it becomes exponentially more difficult to keep track of additional words the more they cross into other categories and right now I've got a perfect number of opposing words in each list to keep the mood analyzer balanced.

When I get around to it I'll add a popup explanation of the Mood Analysis script, but the six groups of keywords are $positives, $negatives, $expressives, $emotives, $curses and $romantics.


Wednesday, 29th April 2020

4:48 PM

Right so at 100, $emotives will kick-in and tint the page, which I'll test by simply forcing another five emotive words on the page - which that will allow me to adjust the colours, good.

Simple triggering with if ($emotives equals > 100 and < 120) {change tint} won't work in practicality however because any over-lap from another word-type triggering a tint will lead to a hodge-podge of multicoloured shit, so I'll have to decide on the logic behind the triggering sooner instead of later.

An equation based on a ratio or percentage so that groups of mood words that're naturally lower will be compared to the higher ones with a multiplier like 1.6: it's gotta be set to trigger only one mood type, based on which is higher but taking into account the difference between, say $negatives (with it's wordcount of over 300 words) and $emotives which will always be much lower..


   if (($emotives * 2.86) > ($negatives * 1.00) {
/* change colours */

.. would allow me to adjust the multiplier for each, but that's only two word groups - there's six all up that all need to be measured against the other mm

Or ..

And I've just realized I need to create another shortcode - pre:: - to provide the HTML <pre> tag and allow me to write blocks of code over multiple lines without the spacing getting all fucked up in translation.

I've additionally realized that anybody reading this who isn't into web-design or programming would be pretty bored by the content, but that doesn't mean a spatter of shit to me: once the site's filled with sexy and fully functional, I'll naturally talk less and less about the creation of that functionality, for now however that's what's occupying my brain so that's what's I'm writing about.

Add that tag in a minute anyway and I might just even sort the logic for the tinting before bed tonight.

See that ^ .. Beautifully formatted code: that's what the site looks like for the most part - underneath the pages.

I'll change the one above too, to pre::

3:36 PM

I've changed the animated flashing to adhere to the parts of the page that change colour in line with the dominant word grouping, though, well, $expressives aren't actually the dominant word group but I haven't decided yet the best logic to decide which word group should be dominant or at what stage/threshold.

Really, what I need is an average for all 6 types of words, which I cannot calculate yet because I've only one post.

But, calculating those averages will be easy once I've got a few completed posts - simply by adding and dividing the number of months - and the average will become more accurate the more months I've got (ie: $expressives for April+May+June+July/4 = $average) but right now there's only the one post so I'm just creating the code to make the colour-tint happen whenever.

I've mmm.. still gotta create the tints for the other five word types yet but I've changed the base colours of the various elements to greyscale in the meantime so the page starts out colourless, then - once the animated flashes hit each element they leave them tinted.

Means too, that for every monthly post I'll need to create *seven* copies of the $featured_image image: one greyscale plus one of each tint, but whatever that's no major effort and the effect will be worth it.

The way I'll end-up wanting to do it is to read the last 2-3 days of writing, count the number of mood-words in that writing and then use the monthly average to determine the current mood of the writing - not just at a certain trigger point but changed depending on the changing mood of the post, as it changes.

But that'll come later, when I've actually got an average to work with.

Tuesday, 28th April 2020

10:48 PM

I can change colouring of the post/page dependent on the mood of the writing, so I've coloured all six of the different word-groups across the spectrum - from indigo through red - and the page is currently green because it's triggered to change to these colours when $expressives are between 200 and 250 - just to see if it works, which it does - so I'll create different tints for the other five categories of words.

That'll be tedious, but once it's done it'll automatically change to reflect the dominant style of the post: the tricky bit will be deciding at what level the tint should change, since, well I can't just set it to whichever number is highest because $postives and $negatives are almost always going to be higher than the other groups, but I can adjust the threshold for each as time goes on to get it right once I get an idea of what the 'average' number is for each type of word.

I've also altered CSS of the page itself to be more greyscale/neutral, which will provide more visual 'pop' for the mood-based colour-changes.

Of course I could do this for all the pages but I'll save myself the fucking around and just have the diary entries utilising this feature because that's where most of the expressive writing will be.

Nice visual layer, that.

6:04 PM

I've added more shortcodes to prose_injection() plus incorporated the FEATURED_IMAGE setting from the diary file into the page so it automatically uses that featured image as the headers background.

Really I don't want to write here, but I haven't added the get-content script to the Site Updates page and I'll do that after I eat so I can list cold, hard, technical shit without having to write here in the diary - I've talked to and about her more than she deserves and don't want to anymore.

There's only so many times you can proclaim love for someone for only a few disinterested texts back before silence and still go on degrading yourself trying to maintain a faith on someone who doens't warrant any at all.

Yeah and add the code to create the prv:: shortcode, so if I do have anything to say I'll say it privately and with no more effort than the par:: I use for standard paragraphs.

Monday, 27th April 2020

6:36 PM

There we go then.

$3,500 behind in rent and counting and when the termination of tenancy is issued I'll fill a pack or two then get on a train for Sydney.

Start looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with.

1:51 PM

I've gotta go back to TAFE and start getting certified in programming.

Not web-design specifically though that's all very good: programming is required for every kind of technology these days so limiting myself to one platform or language would be stupid.

But I like how it focuses my brain and the near instant gratification of creating moving parts with nothing but words and it pays a shitload better than cleaning or manual labour ever will.

Not that I'm in any position to begin studying anything at the moment but it's the only *thing* I've been consistently interested or engaged by - from the age of 10 or so, when I got that first Commodore VIC-20 that plugged into the TV..

Sunday, 26th April 2020

10:54 PM

Added a little live-updating javascript clock.

Why not.

8:50 PM

mood_analyzer(), stalk_user(), get_meta() and prose_injection() - that's four rock-solid, flawlessly functioning modules we've now created for our ethereal site engine already :)

Okay so the editor will allow me to create an index of posts - once I've actually got more than one post to list - complete with featured image, excerpt, author, author email and anything else I decide to add as I work through it.

Every *.diary file will contain every detail that entry could possibly need and I can cherry-pick exactly what information I want from each file as I want it.

Here's what goes into the data files I've created and what will be the heart of every post - the *.diary datafile...

Calling it an editor is a misnomer though and I'll have to stop doing that because there's no editing going on whatsoever: all that's done in Quickedit+ - prose_injection() rather, reads the *.diary file line by line then converts the shortcodes and *injects* them as HTML in the page, though there's probably unlikely to be much actual 'prose' injected.

I'm kind've losing the drive to continue for tonight now I'm thinking about her and staring at a blank wall in an empty room ruminating over her lack of response...

Fuckin.. everything I've done in the past 5 years that's good has been to impress her and none of it got me anywhere with a woman who should've just been fucking loving me anyway regardless what I do, because I'm always going to do far better when I'm loved than when I'm unloved.

And she knows that regardless what her mountain of shitty excuses tells her, half that mountain would just vanish on the spot if she'd reciprocate *purely* as a cause/effect result of her loving me back and my knowing she does.

The remaining half that pile of shit would be halved over time because I would be immeasurably more stable, focussed, positive and productive being aware we're finally together again and the remaining little ant-hills-worth of her pile of excuses would be not only easy to deal with, but shadowed by the mountain of love she'd receive from me as standard when we're in a relationship.

All just bullshit excuses.. and I can't make her stop using them as a shield anymore than I can deprogram her of all the bullshit her mother started feeding her and she went on to perpetuate herself.

Oh look, I've cracked the ceiling of 'moody words' again already gawd...

8:03 PM

Tonight we're listening to Stehen King's 'It', which started so slow, I put off listening at all until I'd run out of other books but it's picked-up considerably now we're about one third the way through the book, a book that's a whopping 48 hours long.

7:43 PM

Cruelest woman on earth, only towards me.

Of all the arseholes in the world, why would you be so mean - of spirit, love, kindness - towards me when there's so many other people to not give a shit about.

The man who loves you absolutely and from every angle - 360 degrees - he's the one you treat with the least love of all.

And while you maintain your mountain of shit excuses ranging from my not having a car to whether I'm kind enough to complete strangers, I know that the way we are together is so much more than any of those pointless barriers: the chemistry, the intellectual connection, the shared sense of humour and a love so thick you can almost taste it - yet you just disregard it as though it's nothing worth your time.

The fuck is wrong with you x

7:05 PM

Time for more bland, tasteless food I force myself to eat without much relish at all, simply to prevent myself growing sick from malnutrition..

You know, ..*sigh*

4:45 PM

And we're all done - the mood analysis module now reads-in and scans whatever *.diary file I've attached to the page and calculates combination of both files plus adds the word-count from both together.

How the Mood Analysis module works...

Might as well add more levels to the summary while I'm here: the way the mood module works is, well too complicated to explain here but not super-complex really so I'll give it a bash

The most basic explaination is that it reads the entire file and stores it in the string variable $content, then searches that variable (which now holds the entire contents of the page/file) for keywords I've told it to look for - we do this because it's faster and, well better, to copy the whole page into $content than to keep opening and closing the file itself.

I've grouped these keywords into categories according to what I figure are the major *types* of words and named them accordinly: $expressives, $emotives, $curses, $romantics as well as $postives and $negatives.

Each of these 'types' has a list of words within it, for example $negatives is the combined total of all instances of words like no, can't, won't,don't, hate, hopeless and other words that - as you see - are almost always used in a negative context - the code performs a seperate search for each of the 100+ words I've told it to - in both index.php and april.diary - then adds them all up and they're the numbers you see in the little stats bar underneath the "The writing on this page is .." at the top of the screen.

Then, it runs through a whole page full of conditional statements telling it what to print based on how many of each type of word there is (if > 0 and < 10 it'll print "Very little" ... right up to if > 200 and < 250 then print "Extremely blabla") but at the moment there's so many of each word I haven't added the extra conditionals to print anything, so I've just gotta add more 'levels' of each type.

Yes, it's pretty clever and the other modules are equally smart :)

Smart as their creator: the one who's waiting like an idiot still. to love you again.

4:36 PM

Changing the modules now to include the *.diary file that's imported into the page and - starting nxt month - will hold the entire diary.

No annoying errors either - all smooth as silk.

I've also added a variable in the index* page up top in the little 'settings' section so I can just type the name of the *.diary file that goes with the page then use that variable (\$diary_include) in all the various scripts, to save me needing to change the filename anywhere else..

2:50 PM

I've gotta bore you in a minute by detailing my accomplishments with the editor, though there's a few alterations I still need to make like updating the mood_analysis() module to open and scan the *.diary file I'm writing in now since none of the modules are processing these external files which means the word-count and the mood box are ignoring the *.diary file in theor calculations.

I've also gotta finish the get_content script so it reads in all the variables and explain the flexibility of how it works, mm should I explain how clever I am on the /info/ page and save the diary being clogged with technical shit?

Dunno.. mm

All I know is she's still there while I'm still here and not being with someone you've been desperate to be with week after week, month after month for years is fucking torture: the warm & fuzzies you get from feeling that resevoir of emotion only gives you comfort 10% of the time - the rest you cycle from angry to depressed to dispondant and back, over and over until everything you do, write and say *becomes* as emotionally unstable as everything you think and feel and when that person you love so much knows all that and leaves you hanging well, how can you not also cycle through hating them for sitting by just watching-on while you're in anguish.

Currently I'm back in the warm & fuzzies cycle which I'd stay in if she'd ever just return that love like a normal human-being instead of just pointing to that mountain of bullshit she's heaped to the sky like it's any valid reason to be cutting genuine love off at the knees and stop it ever having a chance to breathe.

You cannot be my Beautiful without the 'my' babe: because being mine is the difference between you being Beautiful over just a momentary ex girlfriend x

Also, smilies aren't transferring when Guido sucks the text in and spits it out into the page - for some reason - and though emotes aren't essential I often end the line in one to provide context for whatever I've just said, so I'll have to find a way to fix that because those emotes are just vanishing in the ether.

I've also gotta add more levels to the mood script because I've used so many of the varous types of words.. the conditional statements only go up to 250 for negatives, 250 for positives, 150 for expressives, 120 for emotives etcetera and now there's more of those kinds of words than I've accounted for the script has ran out of levels of the various qualities to display.

Should I write that in the /info/ page? I don't know whether I'm explaining it well enough to stop it boring you as you read, or if I'm explaining it in too much detail - thus making it boring - and it's obviously not boring to be because it's my creation and I'm making it up as I go.

1:27 PM

Waiting for my phone to charge a bit in the carpark, though I don't need to - I've plenty of batteries half-charged at home - but I didn't come into town yesterday so I'm in no rush to return, really, to the dim little cave

Saturday, 25th April 2020

7:30 PM

Beautiful, is here.. well there.. texting me.. 


Yeah you Lurkers can give me that look all you like: I love this woman so deeply there's no point even trying to understand it and I've told her what I'll say again here: the only time I feel *truly* at peace is when I'm with her and close to her: when I know where she is and know she's okay.

And no, not entirely, 100% for altruistic reasons - I never claimed that - though I still don't feel calm until I see her: whether she's arguing with her kid or outside gardening or sitting on the verandah watching me wiggling-free fence posts she wants out the ground; I can feel every nerve and muscle release tension and loosen only when I can look at her 

4:58 PM

What's that fucking woman doing ...

The worried thoughts start again... I fucking hate this 😢💔 ❣ 💌❤

I feel physically nauseous.

4:13 PM

Okay so now, yeah this is fucking brilliant - all the updating can now be facilitated by editing a simple text file (april.diary in this case) - Guido's scored himself two new modules that read these files and convert the abbreviated codes I made-up on a whim, then writes over each line to the page live as it's opened - fully enclosed in those repetitious, tedious HTML tags with their style attributes to save me the hassle of even having to copy-paste.

God, you know if only she appreciated intellectual agility and versatility instead of whatever bland material posessions a man might have, she'd realize the asset I could actually be to her.

Wonder whether hitting ENTER will break the paragraph tags.. yes it does, but that's alright I just have to type each paragraph on a single line.

What I've done now, is make updating much, much easier for myself.

I created the abreviated codes for my most commonly used HTML elements last night before falling asleep: whereas before, to create a paragraph I'd have to enclose whatever actual writing I want to add in <p class='card-text' style='whatever'>Here's my writing</p>, now all I need to do is type par(3x:)Here's my writing and Guido's prose_injection() module strips the par:;: then writes it to the page properly as HTML for me.

I cannot actually type the three :'s in a row to demonstrate of course, because it splits the text anywhere it finds it in the line though I settled on three colons because it's three colons in a row isn't a comination of characters I'd ever have any reason to type in normal text.

3:33 PM

As you can see by the mess of writing at the top of the page, it works, and works beautifully :)

Sure sure, it's in the wrong place but that's only because it's in the get_meta() function and needs to be moved down here, which I'll do as soon as I've had a piss gawd..

Friday, 24nd April 2020

8:55 PM

So maybe some of the rant below's a bit harsh..

You've certainly never shown any form of emotional well, wow you know, I haven't got a single memory of you having a feminine emotional moment - not one.

No need for the first line disclaimer then, since - like a fish - you don't have any feelings.

You see Lurkers, this woman, she's reading all of this every day, yet she won't text, phone or otherwise communicate anything about any of it and such has been the case for so long now that it's pointless for me to write to or about her at all really.

Also when I re-read what I've just written above - in those first three lines - it actually repulses me a bit to consider that I I've known the woman for five years and never once have I witnessed one solitary moment of standard feminine emotion in her at all. There's something really very wrong with that right, or is it just me?

I'm not talking here about the stereotypical girly moments Hollywood chick-flicks and romance novels like to portray and the likes of which Mandy performed - gone-with-the-wind dramatic conviction and all - by repeatedly collapsing in tears wailing as she blubbered, 'Pl-pl-pleaeeeese don't luh-luh-leeeave me don't l-l-leeavemeee' - every relevant word cunningly made staccato by the carefully timed "wracking sobs" that almost appeared organic.

It's not attractive by the way: panda eyes and a face as soggy as an old mop is not a good look.

But *never* expressing *any* emotional softness whatsoever is just as unattractive as expressing too much and I've never seen Woman #7 display any 'warm and fuzzies' while interacting with me - literally - at all.

Sure, she'd go all mushy for her pets which I'm sure she only did to piss me off since I told her once that my grandmother would constantly interrupt a conversation she'd be having with family members to talk to her fucking dog or cat, but yeah I never saw even a glimmer of emotion towards me - the adult male with the cock big enough and thick enough to have her telling me she can "still feel it" a full day later and there she is giving the dog all the fucking glory when all the dog's ever done is eat, shit and fart.

Fucking huge dick, a huge brain AND a huge heart I've got yet she treats the dog like her lover.. some people are just too fuckin' blind to ever see what they've got - while it's there, as it's leaving or after it's gone.

The editor, right..

We'll call it the Explosion Editor, since PHPs explode() function will be the star of the very tiny show by fracturing each line as it's read-in from our *.diary files - ie: p:::Any paragraph, long as you like here.

More specifically, $exploded_line = explode(":::", $diary_file); returns two values to the array $exploded_line: $exploded_line[0] = "p" and $exploded_line[1]; = "Any paragraph, long as you like here." while the ::: is just the separator and only used to mark the point of the split.

Tell ya, I'm absorbing PHP so fast... if I could just learn and understand MySQL database manipulation I could create genuinely awesome, pro sites for anyone: MySQL is the last unexplored frontier in the web design stack and I've avoided it until now because it's a database system and looks remarkably boring to learn.

Though I do want to learn it for this here site of my own, means I'll probably find myself playing around with it in the near future anyhoo.

4:20 PM

Another day feeling like a fucking idiot for still loving someone who never really loved me in return and knowing that if she doesn't love me there's no telling who she could be with or what the fuck she could be doing with them.

Another day, night, week, month, year of this ..fuck just kill me now.

Another weekend where I have to consciously stop myself thinking about who she's giving herself to while I'm still emotionally crippled because of her and having no way at all to stop loving a woman who's never acted any better than a bitch towards me.

Another night in a dark tunnel alone being tortured by thoughts, while she's off giving her time and effort to anyone but me - like she always has.

What could possibly be worse than being constantly aware of that longing to be with someone who's treated you like nothing but shit for so long there's no longer a way to even pretend they might've loved you back?

All the while *knowing* that at any time in the half decade you loved the shit out of them they could so easily have flipped it *good* if they'd only been bothered to give a fraction of the devotion they were so happy to take that whole time..

It *so* easily could've been turned into something warm, secure, friendly, caring, charming, funny and as remarkable as it should've been: the envy of every other couple because we had the holy trinity: intellectual, physical and emotional compatibility, but you just had to let other people get in your ear to reduce and belittle me and us then set about fading me out for their fucking benefit..

'I'm sorry dear but don't think there'll be any happily-ever-after with *him*', your mother said and the moment she got a fix on how good we were together the raspy old alcoholic cunt refused to even visit her own grandchild OR you of course, as long as you and I were together. So she went to work bitching at you about a guy who not only loved the shit out of you even then, but he actually liked your mother and was perfectly kind to her even WHILE she was sneering vitriol about me, to you, and unknown to me entirely - until you gave her saggy old arse exactly what it was blackmailing you into giving it, then she's chewing the kids ear off about me and before we know it YOU'RE telling me to fuck off, shutting me down and your mum's there visiting with envelopes stuffed with cash for your birthday again 'just as long as that horrible Jason stays gone dear, have some more money and you know you need me as an on-call babysitter and I won't do anything to help you at all unless you just forget about this silly little 'love' thing you've got with *him*'.

All the bad started with that hateful old bitch and yeah, why am I still writing at all..

Especially about that bitter wrinkled up old fucking hag.

You and your mum are practically identical: both selfish arseholes who use and manipulate their way through life without a grain of moral decency between the pair of you and not only did she hate on me for no fucking reason until you got rid of me, that CREATURE is the bitch who raised you to be just, like, her - a jaded, shallow, empty vessel without a sliver of genuine anything inside.

Wasn't for her you wouldn't be such a cold, hard bitch and this would be our sixth year of basking in mutual love and we'd be happy together - the three of us - because you would've spent your time loving me back instead of treating intimacy like a fucking war of opposition.

You're too thick to grasp the magnitude of what I say anyway: five fucking years you've done your absolute best to be as unlovable to me as you possibly can yet I still love you anyway in spite of all your stupid bullshit and even NOW you just swan around like a 'tard thinking my love is just some kind of compliment so you absorb it as an ego boost!

Woman, you are as thick as a fucking brick.

The fact that *anyone* could still love you after you've spent FIVE YEARS treating them like absolute shit is astonishing and it's naught to do with anything you do, don't do, say, don't say, or what a bitch you are, or aren't: it's about that trifecta of physical, mental and emotional compatibility and none of the lies you've convinced yourself of are true - they're just a small-minded wall of bullshit.

You've spent half a decade burying a once-in-a-lifetime, exquisite, pure love underneath that steaming pile of shit just to maintain a handful of lies you've chosen over the exquisitely pure love you could've had and still can have.

I mean how thick can a person be ?

I've gotta eat something and start on the editor anyway.

I'll leave you to burrow back into that pointlessly destructive mountain of lies you've so carefully built to prevent the greatest love you'll ever know from getting in..

1:49 PM

Mm awful lot of turquoise ..

I've gotta create an editor before the new month, so I can have the entire post inserted from a *.diary file with one slick as shit line of code.

Oh and here's the full image I ended up with for the header background - case anyone wants a new wallpaper - which should be large enough to crop vertically on any phone screen..

Though now I think of it the image size is only 979 pixels across so it's probably too small.

Thursday, 23nd April 2020

9:30 PM

I should start on some other function for guido - impress myself in the process.

The editor I wanted to start on, that'd make another good module for the slowly-forming marsupial site mascot: he could filter and split and explode and implode text strings and stick them together and sort lines and identifiers into arrays; or *appear* to be doing all that anyhow.. eventually get around to editing some of the dozens of originals I have of him stomping around - stick on a pair of old-woman/grandma bi-focals, paste-in a little pencil sticking out his mouth and a clipboard in his paws.. Editor Guido. 🤓

The beauty of programming: it's pure logic but also purely creative since you can create anything at all you can think of, but there's rules to how you create it of course much like there's the laws of physics that determine what can and cannot be done in the physical world, but it's also language-based so you're using words to literally 'write' something into existence.. writing a machine that runs in the ether.

Certainly, by the time the next woman who loves me comes along she'll be quite suitably impressed with the site, Guido in all his avatar glory and having him send nasty or nice emails to whoever she wants - complete with guido memes that'll be more fun than annoying to create.

Hell she could help me design the greetings to be as amusing as possible if she's got a brain in her head, which she'd have to have for me to find her attractive in the first place.. how cute would that be..

Which is another module for guido I'll write sooner or later: his email greeting service.

I've already got him emailing me upon certain events, though they're only little text-based things: I can easily create HTML messages with images and stylesheet plus give him his own mailbox so the emails are sent from guido@psychaesthetic.bla.bla.

Maybe start with a "You suck!" and "You're awesome!" one, where anyone can simply type the recipients email address and choose the greeting-card style then tap SEND and there you go.

That's in the future though: Guido is only just being squeazed out into the world conceptually at the moment so he's got a way to go before he's an actualized possum character with a visual presence on the site, but he will be eventually.

6:38 PM

Just have to crawl my way through all the loneliness, isolation and crushing sense of not belonging until I meet a woman I can belong to again.

A woman whose ear I can finally lean-in close to and whisper how beautiful she is, affirm that she's the only woman who matters and mash against - whose daily life I have a place in without having to earn a clipped, frigid little hour of company only when I've done something impressive enough to be 'granted' a visit.

Wish that chance encounter with the chatty, charming unknown female would hurry-up though: I've already got so many things to tell her given the torturous last five years so a woman who just understands me on the most basic human level would be enough to see me quite well contented.

A woman who understands above all that her acceptance, love and appreciation of my acceptance, love and appreciation of her should always come first; a woman who has the common sense to know that for me to lean-in and quietly whisper in her ear, I need to actually be there to do it.

And just as you need to *have* a material possession in order to treasure it, the human parallel applies equally: to cherish any person, they have to be yours to cherish - it's simple common sense and none of the hippy-horseshit or weak as piss morality societies average majority decide to adopt with their average little minds and average lack of comprehension have any basis in reality - let alone the human psyche.

Since the beginning of time, any pair of humans attracted enough to one another to fall in love have always been happy to belong to one another while the only reason they'd reject that rite of belonging and ownership is that they don't love the person enough to want to belong with them and it's as simple as that - always has been. always will be.

A woman who's in the same room to tell me things in person and who reads this site because I write things in it to amuse her; because I want to amuse her; because she's mine to be amusing for - instead of a short-time ex who only reads the site to see how upset I am so she can snicker with her 10 year old daughter over it then act like I'm the one who's sick.

2:53 PM

I've updated the console, added the new pages (type pages ENTER to list them), along with latest which will always take you to the current diary entry from any other page.

I've also started replacing the background images for each section with something a bit more visually sophisticated than simple, tinted photos because really, there's no reason not to be a bit more creative and I've only gotta photoshop one image for each section.

Wednesday, 22nd April 2020

9:39 PM

A simple count(glob("lurkers/*", GLOB_ONLYDIR)); returns the number of visitor directories Guido's created with his new module.

But who gives a shit, right.

6:25 PM

Time to start drinking anyway and though even half a bottle doesn't get me pissed, it saves me lying awake stressing about what's meant to come after the most important person I've ever been with turned out to be so fucking shallow it was all over before it ever had a chance.

Really, it must be how parents feel when their only child dies, or couples who're soulmates and one suddenly dies - leaving the other just fucking completely lost in the world: when someone means that much to you and they're gone - no matter what the reason - how do you possibly look forward when the thing you know you will always want more than anything else is gone?

All that's left is the endless effort to forget what was and endlessly trying to fill-in another grey, empty day with anything that might distract you from that fucking gaping hole that can't be filled.

Cunt of a life once your purpose for living it has fuckin' come and gone.

Just thinking about it for a second opens the flood-gates you know and even fuking distractions stop working.

Fucking hate you for what you've done..

5:28 PM

Guido's stalk_user() module ...

Okay for a week or so I've been writing this new module to inform me of what kind of activity is going on at the site, since I didn't have even a hit counter until a few days ago.

The great irony is that all I'd envisioned in the beginning was a basic hit-counter for each page, yet after a few days the hit-counter turned-out to be the tiniest function the module performs.

I gave it different names to make it sound slick - Panther, Komodo - before concluding that the /guido/ directory is still sitting there all but empty and what better way to fill-out this site persona than with a script that allows guido to stalk visitors to the site - so I simply called it - simply enough - stalk_user() and made it part of his functionality.

Not only does he perform lookups and record IP addresses of users/visitors to the site, he starts an entire folder for every IP address that accesses the site, writes an initial profile with nineteen seperate pieces of information and records the basics (time, date, referrer, page_id) for every page the visitor loads - every time they load it.

Of course I don't exactly know why I want so much information about every visitor to the site and I'm not sure how I'll process it yet, but I felt the urge to write the code to start tracking site usage was more important than fixing page visuals, working on the console or anything else - primarily just so *I* can look and see what's going on I guess because there's no wordpress stats panel here so I had no idea at all.

I know I've no nefarious super-villian reasons for collecting information though so whether google spat you out here by accident or you're someone I've given the site address to, only I will have access to any data collected and with over 100 visitors folders already sitting there filling with stats I've got no real enthusiasm to look in all of them - it's just nice to know that the site is keeping a record of itself.

And though there's no option for visitors to create accounts yet or even choose a username of their own, the beauty of this method is that simply by combining 3-4 if the visitors information fields it's possible to identify even unknown users: if I combined that with a random username generator of some kind I could easily assign a set, persistent alias for everyone who visits the site and without even a cookie in sight.

I've got the console to resume work on of course so I'll revisit the proposed random-permanent username thing some other time; it's just an interesting possibility really.

4:08 PM

Want me to demonstrate how clever I am?

Or I could not: like I need to impress upon anyone how intelligent I am; and as if it's ever made any difference anyway - some people only care about their own image and the material things they have.

Some people are only interested in being impressed after all and that's a fuckin' shallow basis for anything at all worthwhile to begin with.

3:36 PM

Waiting for me to say something else?

Why, so you can watch-on like any bystander of any disaster - look of concern thinly covering the twisted glee you feel watching someone else suffering?

Someone who fought for so long to regard you as someone who transcended any ordinary onlooker while you spent that time proving that's all you are?



Monday, 20th April 2020

11:14 PM

I was listening to some american podcast today you know, about Niagra Falls and some of the accidental deaths caused by foolish daredevil shit as well as the dozen or so suicides that still occur there every year.

Of course you visualize while listening as you're apt to do and that got me thinking, that while the pain of death does not appeal to be, the pain of living doesn't either and so I'll continue making decisions based on whatever brings instant gratification because long-term gratification seems like a flicker of light at the end of a very long tunnel - a tunnel that's grown tighter and continues to close-in around me every day until before long I know I will no longer be able to squeeze forward another inch because the tunnel will simply be too narrow to continue.

I don't know how much longer there'll be before the pain of living becomes that much greater than the pain of dying that there's just no point anymore in going-on hoping something good is going to ever happen.

10:25 PM


6:15 PM

Recovering from a slow start to a depressing morning, I've ramped-up as the day's gone on and got several things ticked off the site-development list in the past few hours since getting back here.

The hit counter on each page is only the tip of the iceburg: I've been working the last few days on a module for guido, with the recording of page-views being only one of the functions he now takes care of.

Still you know the more I create, the more loose-ends get left behind: I've still gotta finish the conditional statements for the Mood Analysis module so posts and pages determined to be Positive also have the summary; I've got a bunch of new commands to add to the console since I haven't added anything to that since well, since two weeks or whenever it was I was talking about it, I've got layout and alignment issues I need to fix (and only noticed them when I switched from my phone to the tablets larger screen and saw some columns are still squishing other columns up on some pages and the Mood Analysis bubble isn't quite centered.

I've got the /words/ and /diaries/ pages both waiting for even an initial design and layout to be set upon them and I'm sure I've forgotten other things I'm meant to do.. mm

But Guido's first big module is fucking brilliant: like the Writing Analysis module, Guido's new - and rather chunky - addition handles quite a few things and all independantly for every page, so rather than needing to arse around with a counter on every page they're automatic site wide and if I edit guido's code to disable the hit-counters, they're instantly disabled on every page - even though they're all individually recording views for the page they're on.

The module is just a single-line insert like any other script: I simply add <?php include: "guidos\whatever_module.php" ?> and all the functionality of guido's new module to that page, and it's a very busy module indeed, not that you'd know it - with an execution time of 0.004 seconds it rolls through a dozen seperate functions so quickly you don't even know it's happened.

I need a Control Panel for Guido now, but I've got so many other things to catch-up on that's really not a priority at the moment.

12:00 PM

There has never been so many seats on the trains coming up the mountain... ..like three people per carriage.

Saturday, 18th April 2020

8:30 PM


I've unblocked her, not that it means much outside my not caring enough to keep her blocked.

1:53 AM

All night tonight I've been distracted with another script I've started and though I haven't finished the intonation analysis script yet, this new one will make the old one look as basic as a text message.

Easily triple the complexity but also triple the practical usefulness.

Oh and the charge-rate with two solar panels turns out to be 1,846mA per hour, though only until around 4:00 PM; at which point the sun starts moving behind the large conifers around the back and their shadows kill any further free electricity for the day, but that's still a very good, fast charge-speed that'll get me enough power to never need to go into town looking for a power-point each day 😏

Friday, 17th April 2020

9:04 AM

Barely up out of bed a moment ago, I see my phone is at 6% and go to plug it in - 20 minutes later it's at 18% so I unplug it because I've got an audiobook to resume listening to.

There will probably be a time when the novelty of doing that will wear-off, but it sure hasn't yet.

Note to self: get instant noodles on the way back today.

And here's about an hours worth of charging this morning after I'd already run it back down listening to this book: 3% - 88%.

For a more accurate measurement of current output I've left a completely flat, 10,000mAh power-bank - one with a digital readout that shows percentage of charge - plugged-in and charging for the several hours I'm in town today.

I plugged it in at exactly 11:14 AM right before leaving and will unplug it at exactly 14 minutes past whatever hour it is later, then divide the percentage it's charged by the number of hours left charging: that'll tell mr exactly how many Amps/hour I get outta the two panels.

If I then add the total milliamps comprising the battery-sizes for all the various devices I use every day, I'll know whether I can keep them all charged or not.

Thursday, 16th April 2020

2:47 PM

So I stop in at the electronics store on the way home a little while ago to check the range of a voltage adjuster that I'd looked at the other day: if it went up to 19V, I'd be able to hook my laptop up to the solar panel and charge that sucker too.

Unfortunately it only went up to 15V, so I left, then returned and told him "I'm pretty broke this week but if you give me a decent discount on another panel, I'll grab another one while I'm there" so he gave me $20 off, which works out to be 25% off and I couldn't resist...

Twice the current; twice the power-bank charge, twice the 2.5 phone charges - twice the ~8,000mAh per day and there's still enough room on that one window for another two panels.

Four solar panels would give me around 32,000mAh/day - thirty-two THOUSAND milliamp hours every, single, day for *nothing* - free of charge.

Remarkable, and I could very easily use the two 12V panels as 24V simply my connecting the positive and negative leads in series instead of parallel (as they're connected now) - which would easily provide the 19V my laptop needs to charge - but for the fact the battery I bought to go with the first panel is 12V and I no longer have the money to be squandering another battery yet.

Tell ya too, that though I'll obviously never own my own house at this point in life, the next time I end-up in a house with a woman I will collect and install solar panels and the wiring required to convert as much of the house as humanly possible to 12V and 24V so only the most necessary large appliances draw anything from the wall at all: just like creating an actual website from scratch is much more satisfying than using a blog platform anybody else can use, there's something very satisfying about not only storing and providing your own free energy but setting it up yourself and KNOWING how it works.

Almost time to start getting stuck into the site again for the night anyway.

8:52 AM

I've sorted the issue of my mood analysis script only being able to evaluate the static "index.php" file I'd hard-coded into the script as ($parent_file = "index.php";)

All I needed to do was find and use the basic, global server variables Apache (the web server software) spits out with every page as it's loaded - $parent_file = basename($_SERVER['PHP_SELF']); - so the script now evaluates WHATEVER page calls it and uses the returned filename as the file to scan.

So it doesn't matter at all now whether I call the file april.php, index.php or sluts-are-disgusting.php - the script knows which page it's reading and the site becomes a little more intelligent with every little cog and gear-wheel that's bolted into place.

More intelligent already than Jen, who grows, well, dumber by the day when she really didn't have the brain cells to waste in the first place mmhmm.

Poor woman...

I corrected her assertion about my dick being pin-sized and informed her that it's much thicker than her little wrists then made the assertation myself that I pity her for being so crazy - that nothing's more sad than a person who's completely lost their mind, which is only true objectively speaking, since I couldn't personally care less about how defective other people's brains might be.

Wednesday, 15th April 2020

9:11 PM

Now I've moved this page into its permanent home I've upset the layout or rather, realized I need another layout for the actual diary entries: though I'll keep the same colours, the diary entries need a separate look to the top-level pages so I'll need to start fucking 'round until I get it how I want it.

I've also gotta create the previously mentioned editor soon and make changes to the new writing analysis script so it reads whatever page actually called it: right now it's set to read only 'index.php' because all my pages are index.php files, which is fine until next month when I'll need to rename this file from index.php => april.php to make room for May's entry - soon as I rename it of course, the script will no longer to analyze this page because it'll no longer be named index.php, you see? No? Hmm..

Never mind, I'll explain it when the time comes - or maybe not.

The other page - the one in the /words/ parent directory - needs a more visually appealing visual style for an index page too, and yeah.

The last several days in town I've seen this stunningly beautiful woman in Woolies: my height, very slim with a slim, lithe, cat-like figure and a flowery skirt..

There's plenty of beautiful women in town every day mind, but this afternoon I yeah..

I'd just walked into the supermarket while she was at one of the checkouts close-by but I'd only glanced at her when I've walked in the automatic gates, taken a few steps then slowed to a stop as I had a thought that made me knit my brows together in concentration and frown.

For several seconds I stood there just having this thought, which was simply confusion over what I wanted to eat really, while inadvertently facing this woman and when I'd finally returned to the present and my mental image cleared I found her looking at me with a smile on her face.

Like she busted me lost in an internal moment and found that amusing - she might've thought I was staring at her until she realized I was off in the ether and wasn't actually aware of her at all but simply facing her while having a moment of vagueness; until I snapped out of it and found her looking at me with that smirk..

I raised my eyebrows when I saw her looking at me and returned a kinda "yeah you caught me!" look and that was that but y'know why can't yes: you should be able to just pick a woman who looks excellent to you and partner with them without all the fucking around with courtship and 'getting to know' each other bullshit - just once in your life..

Sure would make things so much simpler and easier.

Muffins and vegemite for dinner.. mm, though I've had enough steak dinners to stop my wanting them and can't think of anything I really wanna eat, so whatever.

I've still gotta finish the post analyzer too, though 'still' implies it's been just sitting there ignored forever when I've made remarkably quick work of it.

4:25 PM

That's the conversion of numbers to english for negative leaning posts done though there's still plenty of empty quotes I can fill with more if I want and since there's only one postive-slanted page so far (the home page) there's probably no major hurry to do that

12:40 PM

The shorter blonde chick makes my coffee, nicer, than the standard blonde chick: the former gets the sugars right and always heats the milk to a perfect temperature - just a fraction warmer than body temperature - while it's kinda hit & miss with the latter.

I stopped having to tell either of them how I actually have my coffee a week ago: ordering one or two each day while I'm in town and deciding what I want to eat before shopping.

Tuesday, 14th April 2020

9:39 PM

God where and how and when the fuck am I going to find my woman..

Over half my life is gone and I'm fucking sick of waiting it away alone.

7:59 PM

Right so I've set the little stats/numbers bar on a toggle so I can turn it off or on and have filled the analysis box above with the kind of description I'll have it maintain automatically once I've written all the conditional statements.

It'll be tedious - typing all the if/elsif/else's - but I already know exactly how I'll do it, and once it's done it'll be pretty cool: telling you - the reader - the tone and mood of the writing on every page in plain, human-friendly english based on hard maths and all 100% automatic so I won't need to do a thing once it's finished: as I write, the script will constantly analyze and update in the little box above the various attributes of my writing.

I'll use this same algorithm in a new script (afterwards) to automatically search and assign categories to each page so I never need to add or maintain them or any rigid, manual bullshit - I don't need the hassle of clicking buttons and shit and why should I right? When I can write the code once and let the site automatically do that boring shit for me?

All I'll have to do is write, which is all I should have to do anyhow 😏

I want to finish it now but it's getting later, mm and it's not yeah I don't wanna get halfway through writing the conditionals then have to go to bed without finishing so I'm better off doing it tomorrow when I've got the day to chip away at it.

So until then the Writing Analysis box will retain the static text example I've added, which will bug me very quickly when I wake up since that's the last chunk I've gotta tackle for it to be fully functional: replacing the numbers with human language.

Already it's bugging me, but it's too late tonight to start on that.

Arguably more a priority is the creation of the diary pages themselves, because sooner or later I'm going to have to cut/paste this whole post over and I should make a place for diary posts before the next month begins.

3:33 PM

Whatever anyway: home now to work on the mood detection algorithm and distract myself from being almost completely alone.

1:28 PM

Incidentally, since I keep going on about the site's construction so haven't mentioned it yet: I've been farming my own electricity for about a week now.

Though the money's beginning to dwindle again like it anyways does, I had the good sense to invest a few hundred in a solar panel setup instead of other shit - it occupies only a single window and gives me ~8,000mAh per day; every day - for nothing now I've outlaid the cost of equipment.

My phone battery's 3,000mAh so I get ~2.6 full phone charges each sunny day which I haven't actually used all of so the lithium-ion and li-polymer power banks I've been accumulating have slowly been filling-up nicely and even when it's raining they suck-in about half that.

Of course google told me what I needed and I hooked it up myself though had to use tape to bind the wiring together because I lack a soldering iron, but the tape is fine and the Indian sales fool kept telling me I'd be better off buying a little 5V USB foldable solar-panel - I told him he was wrong; that I need the proper 12V caravan panel to draw enough power for 5V charging because those little camping solar chargers are fuckin' useless.

I was right, he was wrong though he gave me a minor discount on the controller.

Best of all, it's completely expandable, I can just add more batteries or panels and being 12V I can add on any 12V devices a car of caravan can power: including 12V lighting.

Slick, as, shit.

I no longer need to go into town to charge my phone, tablet, headlamp or any other device because I'm banking away more electricity than I'm using

I still stop by a power-point at Coles while I'm in town anyway, though only for half an hour at most now and I don't really need to, but am only extending the time I spend in town because what Joanna once described to me as the 'crushing loneliness' she felt before pairing-up with her husband - a state I'd never have known had I not misplaced so much faith in a creature that only imitated a warm-blooded woman - drives me to go into town each day and at least lay eyes on people

The Petzl headlamp was worth every fucking penny of the $140 I paid for it incidentally: 7 nights straight I've been using it and it's still not flat, though it's due for a charge now it's red - 7 days of light for a single charging.

12:05 PM

This little algorithm is beginning to grow more complicated on a bell-curve the more I realized many search strings can belong to multiple categories.

I'll explain how it works in info/ once ...I've finished messing with it but I'm pretty pleased with myself to be writing a functional, standalone peice of code that can do what it's already doing - and not only from scratch but with an idea that - like the console - I devised on my own without any influence from anywhere.

The way it works is simple, but fast and very effective though Guido's signature orange text doesn't look too slick mm might have to assign him a more muted, neutral colour plus his own set of CSS rules so I don't need to type them out every time I want to insert a block of output from him.

Monday, 13th April 2020

8:24 PM

Fuck, that shit can wait: the most attractive woman on earth is back! ...

15 out of 10: Villianelle is back 😍

Jodie Comer, I'm sure she's a 10/10 dynamic and beautiful herself and bla-da blah whatever, but the character she plays is just irresistible: I cannot take my eyes of her when she's in frame and the fact they've chosen such a truly uggggly bitch to play opposite Jodie Comer only serves to make Villianelle look that much better by contrast.

I can honestly say too, that the actress herself is of no interest to me: it's 100% about the character she plays..

Gotta go watch it - give me 42 minutes of stunningly beautiful woman to break up the ugliness of life.

6:51 PM

Right, so now we've got our algorithm reading the whole page in, sifting through it then making decisions about whether the writing is positively or negatively intoned plus a few other variables you don't need to know about anyway, the first 'refinement' to make is to add another if, case-if or switch statement to evaluate *how* positive or negative the writing on each page is.

Shouldn't be any major difficulty, though I'm getting hungry.

I can worry about making it look sexy later of course: once I've made my linguistic mood-ring a bit more intelligent and now I think about it actually, this should be a part of Guido's functionality to start giving the lovable persona a presence.

This isn't some static shit woman, but a function that reads-in and evaluates the entire page every single time it's loaded by anybody, before returning the results in the two lines above this diary entry: as I write, the algorithm will return a different result, though I'm generally a negatively-incined personality so it'd take a lot of sudden happiness to see most pages pop out into 'Positive' zone.

Though it might be a script that could slow the old site down too - because wordpress itself has so many scripts running there's not a lot of server load left for much else - it's not the case here: this site is so light on resources - with only the console plus one or two other scripts so far created - that I've got so much server load in reserve I can do resource-hungry shit all over the place and still be using only a fraction of what the old site would've used.

Slick as goose-shit, what it is.

4:29 PM

I finally stopped and talked to Toni again a little while ago, outside Woolies on my way to the bus stop.

She seemed fine and talked about the usual catch-up kind've stuff: the church, the criminal filth who sneak around there, the ice-heads and other junkies who're now dealing there and she told me Rosa quit and left for a holiday in Italy just as COVID-19 was exploding.

She also said Rosa apparently lost her shit when Toni asked the church to cover a $200 medical bill she got when one of the pantry doors fell on her to which Rosa reacted by shoving tables on the floor and going full-on spastic, that she didn't say goodbye to anyone at the church before leaving - just vanished.

As for the site, I wrote the basic algorithm that'll detect the mood of any page last night in only an hour or two and though I plan to refine it, I will add it to this page either tonight or tomorrow - whenever I feel like it.

Though it can open, read and analyze any file then spit-out all kinds of details, I'll install it as a simple two-line summary of the post up top of the page for now so it'll be in the header section dynamically scanning the page then deciding whether the writing has a positive or negative intonation.

Sunday, 12th April 2020

12:14 PM

Fucking Jen - I honestly wonder how anybody can become so insane ..*whistle*

She's flooding my phone again, this time insisting that 'all the people' following her are using EMF, so they don't need cameras anymore - now they've got Electro Magnetic Fields tracking her every move and that I won't sell her drugs because "they" tell me not to.

Usually I'd tell her at about this point that I can't get drugs anymore and leave it at that - since she only contacts me when she wants said drugs - but this time, well I'm bored and lonely and it's Easter so I'll keep her spamming my phone a while longer: she clearly needs someone to offload her crazy to and I've only gotta reply once for every 20 texts she sends - why not.

Really, the "fact" is that I no doubt could find someone who'll give me drugs but I don't have any interest in acquiring them myself so I'm certainly not fucking around trying for anyone else.

Mm it's good too - hearing from someone so incomparably crazier than I could ever even *hope* to be.

Makes me feel 100% together :)

I'm *continuing with more expansive plans for the site here: Site Updates, but also figuring it out as I write it down.

Have to set my phone to DND to hush the crazy bitch later so I can focus on my plans for the site, of course.

Thursday, 9th April 2020

6:45 PM

Pleasure as this editor is to use compared to the other one, it's still not a laptop and I'm angsty about not being able to use the mouse and larger screen to continue the actual preliminary design of the site: after sorting-out the console and adding the four pages then adding navigation to the former, I grew annoyed waiting for the laptop to charge every day and so the furthering of the initial site-building is still on hold.

There's several pressing improvements I want to make including adding the console to the image-library at https://psychaesthetic.com.au/photobox/, creating the actual pages for the diary so I'm not just duming all this on the landing page (which is only meant to contain the links to the dairy entries, which n turn will be within the /2020/ directory where each month will have it's own page) and I want to write myself an editor - to save me having to edit raw HTML every time I want to write something.

I've already pondered this online editor and by editor I mean a password-protected page I can visit to add updates, not an editor akin to the app I'm using, which mm I've confused the two but they're very different things ...

It's getting cold fuckit... may as well cook my steak while I'm up getting my jacket then I'll explain how I want the editor to be when I get back, though I should really write that in the /info/ page since I added that section specifically for site development notes - to keep these writing pages free of technicalities that would bore most people.

I also did something today that I do believe has the very real potential of imbueing upon me some VERY exciting ramifications - very, very, very exciting indeed.

And today's audiobook is Stephen King's "Under the Dome", which is 36h long and almost as packed with characters as The Stand, though I'll have to switch to Drcula again soon: I've been listening to Dracula at night for a few hours after dinner and until bed - just so I don't rip through it too quickly because I like Bram Stokers original, actual book - the character development, detail and plot are mmm richly layered.


2:04 PM

Since I gave-up fucking around with the laptop about a week ago - being fed-up with the waiting around in a carpark a full hour every day - I've only had my phone to use, which means creating new pages is just too inconvenient so there won't be any more of them until I find somewhere to use my laptop without the hassle, but I can still edit what I've already created and still update this without any major issue

And though I'd thought the little coding app I've been using was fine and good, last night I tried my favourite text editing app and found it does have FTP functionality and allows me to connect to the site to edit files directly ...

The editor I had been using ...

This is excellent on several levels but foremost amongst those reasons is it's just my favourite editor: it highlights the various languages I use (HTML, XML, PHP, Javascript and CSS), the screen - already just a 6" phone screen without much real estate to begin with - isn't as cluttered with unnecessary shit as the other editor and - most importantly - it's much, much more stable and completely bug-free.

It isn't like the one I had been using was packed with errors and freezing-up or whatever but it did spontaneously force-close itself once or twice and the auto-completion feature would always be inserting the closing brackets on tags I'd use - requiring me to double-tap then slide over the unwanted text before backspacing it away and continuing: do that 50 times in a day and it starts to get a touch annoying.

This editor (QuickEdit+ for the record) highlights your tags and recognizes whatever language you're writing in but does not auto-close any tags so yes, it's simply much more polished ergo smoother to use.

QuickEdit+ ...

QuickEdit+ also uses the right fixed-width font which sounds irrelevant but means the difference between being able to line your code up neatly and having it just slop around all over the place, plus a document-searh function that works much more efficiently.

It's the superior editor and no - it's not a new app I downloaded and am just hot for it because it's new: I already own the app and have done for years so it didn't cost me anything - I just never knew it could edit remote files until I checked last night.

Wednesday, 8th April 2020

6:02 PM

I need to find somewhere or someone who'll charge my batteries for me - this buying power packs is getting ridiculous.

2:00 PM

Might as well cancel yesterday's rant: Woolworths have started customer limits too now - though not in such excessive measure and using their own staff to usher people into lines that force them closer to each other than they'd ever choose to be of their own accord.

Still we've got supermarket managers, staff and other vaguely associated contract staff - none of whom know anything at all about virus transmission - handling crowd-control in the busiest places in town.

Pure genius, no really.

Tuesday, 7th April 2020

9:40 PM

Love Bram Stoker's Dracula and the audiobook version of it I've purchased has not just 'a' narrator but an all-star cast of different actors so it has that 'old radio show' polish to it. Brilliant..

And so true what Jonathon Harker just said, that devotion is so rare: and I have it in spades - a near extinct personal quality to possess even in the 1800s, never mind how impossible it is to find now.

But that's not why I added this little snippet of update - I added it to show this ...

After nearly five straight hours - which is nearly a full night for me since bed or rather sleep will occur shortly - of being continuously on the new Petzl headlamp is still at a very impressive charge level: I'd have to change the three AAA batteries now on the $20 Energizer light if I wanted to maintain the same level of brightness even kept on the lowest setting like I said, because though it'd still be useable again tomorrow night the output would only be half what it would've been tonight, until by the end of tomorrow night it'd be too dim to be any use at all again.

You see the saying 'Buy cheap, buy twice' proves accurate, yet again.

That is fucking brilliant: ~10% charge for a full nights use.

And yeah that's a simple text-shadow style property; applied to a simple span tag bookending the highlighted word.

Used to be a time you'd need an entire page of javascript to accomplish even a basic effect like that: now it's a tag short enough to easily memorize and type-in with your thumb, if you feel the inclination and Drambuie has given me the inclination.

Raisin toast ..

2:04 PM

Even had I kept my electricity paid and even if I had a refrigerator full of food opposed to mold, I'd still go in to town every day just to see other human-beings and the human being I see every day regardless what else I do, is Blonde Chick - the girl who works at the cafe right outside Coles

I've known Blonde Chick since the year I was homeless when every morning I would start my day with an iced coffee from Coles then go wake up and use their toilets before waiting for everything else to open: I'd say "Morning Blonde Chick!" and she'd reciprocate my greeting.

Once I'd addressed her as 'Blonde Chick' the first time, I just continued calling her that and in the three years since I've never once bothered to ask her name, because I don't care: she's a cafe chick I saw so often I needed to call her something and asking her name would be unnecessary since I don't need to know that.

Anyhow standing there waiting for her to make my coffee this afternoon she's told me locals are starting to boycott Coles because they're getting increasingly shitty at the store - mostly they're fed-up with the little bollywood militia hanging around out front telling everyone they're not allowed in that way, not to come out this way, 'Go round escalator' and it's understandable: it got ridiculous in a matter of a few days there with Coles being the only retail outlet in Katoomba who are annoying their locals with bullshit like that.

Not only annoying their longterm customers, but condescending them.

Blonde Chick told me that earlier this morning there was a line of shoppers waiting to go in spanning most of the length of the shopping center, with people snaking their way from one side of the place right around the escalators and past the cafe, and that people are getting pretty fucked off being treated like retards.

Certainly, I don't see why they'd have orange tape along all the checkouts preventing customers from simply walking out the front of the store and forcing them to walk around that dinky little barrier of orange tape while the two or three punjabi security guards can be seen almost continually licking their lips staring at every half attractive woman who walks past: like, sleaze-bags out front of your local supermarket all of a sudden telling the people who live, work and keep the town running how and when they can enter their own local supermarket that theyv'e used every day for years

Like I also said yesterday if you choose to shop at Woolies instead, there's no line of indians hanging around the front obviously undressing women with their eyes, no line of orange tape and no customer limits: Woolworths still treat their customers like self-respecting adults.

Then the afternoon I went into Coles anyway since I was up the top end of town and wanted an iced-coffee and though there wasn't any line at that point, as soon as I got inside and began walking around the isles I saw there was hardly *anybody* in the store: I mean all up there might've been 20 customers inside the store actually shopping.

Voting with their feet, the townsfolk are, because down the road shortly after I found Woolies had it's usual number of people shopping so it wasn't liket here jut wasn't anyone around and that's why Coles was so empty - it was empty because local Katoomba residents don't like being told by a handful of indian dickheads when and how they can enter the supermarket in their own town

Wonder how many complaints Coles have received since they put those idiots out front..

Anyway I've boycotted Coles too because every time I've been inside the shopping center ordering coffee I've watched those guards ogling the local women like rapists looking for a target and that's more than enough reason for me, since Coles are the ones who've put those clowns out front of their store every day - to keep their own customers under control, even though nobody's ever been *out* of control ... just means shopping there is twice as inconvenient as it was before and by visiting the store you're agreeing to being treated like an idiot who can't decide for yourself where to stand or which door to go in OR exit from..

Insulting, it is and the idea that they're meant to be 'limiting the spread' of the virus by forcing people to stand in line and breath all over one another is a joke in itself: Australians have a pretty healthy concept of personal space, and left to our own devices we'll usually maintain a respectable distance from other members of the general public anyway.

Suddenly you've got this idiot supermarket *forcing* people to queue-up in a line where people are standing one meter from the person in front *and* behind them, breathing all over each other every time they go to shop - talk about utter stupidity: THAT will cause the virus to spread faster than simply leaving us to maintain our own standards in personal space

Woolies is better anyway, and MOST importantly: Woolies aren't treating their customers like complete idiots.

Monday, 6th April 2020

4:44 PM

Today - like every other day lately - I went into town for daily shopping.

Unlike every other day, Coles had implemented their shitty fuckin' limit on customers and had orange tape marking he line outside the store.

I didn't even bother going in because I'd only gone in the complex to buy a coffee from Blonde Chick at the cafe and go downstairs to partially charge my phone in the carpark, but once I'd walked down the hill and stopped at Woolies for my shopping I found no customer limits in place there.

I'm sure Woolies will enact that shit soon enough too, though I'd still rather Woolworths than Coles generally since there's much more in the much larger store but on the way back home I detoured via the camping stores and ended up spending around $200 on these ...

Yeah, I added rounded corners, because well why not its' only a few more characters of typing and I am using the keyboard with my phone

The area lantern is both solar-chargable and USB wchargable with a 2000mAh battery (a very healthy sized battery for the mere 12 LEDS the lamp needs to power) and the lantern also allows you to reverse-charge by plugging your phone in if you so wish and I don't need to explain how useful that functionality is for someone without electricity who's using their phone for all entertainment as well as updating the site

The Petlz headlamp was marked-down from the price on the box and is one of the better lights Petzl manufacture with an 1800mAh lithium-ion batter back that's removable, bluetooth connectivity for creating lighting profiles or whatever and an extremely comfortable headband that's split at the back.

Both the headlight and lantern are charging so I can't use them yet, though it's excellent to have rechargable lighting - finally.

For months now my night-time lighting has consisted of cheap, shitty $6 night-light and a cheap, shitty $20 Energizer head-torch: both of which require 3xAAA batteries and both of which only ever last two nights at the most - even the headtorch and even on it's lowest setting, while the night-light has no brightness setting at all and shits-out dead batteries like a fat fuck shits junk food.

So while the lighting upgrade wasn't really necessary, I'm pretty happy with the both of them and if you consider the cheap lights I've been using ript through two dozen batteries a week, at around $20/pack it's really a purchase that will pay for itself withina few months.

I get better quality lighting and it makes me a bit sentimental for the days when I lived in the valley: almost every time I'd return to town for the 3-4 days I was up, I'd ugrade this bit of gear or that, add new things, try alternatives ...

Fact, it almost makes me keen to fuck off outta this shit-hole, boring, virus-deadened town and return to the valley.

Then I realize, I've already done that: done it, documented it, over.

Additionally, with nobody to impress anymore I just honestly don't give a fuck.

I've blocked my mother now too given the bitch only ever asks about bad things happening to me: tell her something awesome has happened and all you'll get is 'Oh good.', but you tell her that the god of bad shit has paid you a visit and woah-hoo she's suddenly spamming questions at you - relishing every horrid little detail you might be dumb enough to tell her.

It's kind've depressing, but I don't give a fuck enough to get really depressed - I just get angry then snap back into that comfortably numbing indifference that comes with the knowledge that whatever it was it can't have been worth spit anyhow or it'd still be living and breathing in your daily orbit.

See even this here is just fuckin' stupid: I'd rather be reading and learning about PHP and JavaScript to experiment with the site's growth and development than wasting my time writing shit and the reason I'm writing shit is because I know nobody who's reading now gives a fuck and I'm not getting laid for anything I write no matter how clever, witty, funny, poignant, sad or touching my writing might be, so why waste my time and energy writing well for anyone who haven't been a part my life for so long they're literally nothing now but distant memories - not even good memories at that?

I'll do that: go learn while I listen to Dracula and try to keep myself from being too bored generally while I wait for someone to come along who's worth impressing again, finally

Cook my two eye-fillet steaks first, then listen to Dracula while I learn and write notes about what I how I want to build the site.

Even the site means fuck all to me outside the fact it's an excellent way to dissipate the build-up of mental energy that needs to go somewhere...

The ultimate creative outlet, it is: you've got the visual, the photography, the mechanics of programming and the ability to put thoughts into words - a process I recognized years ago as being the ONLY pure form of artistic expression: limitless, personal and universally understood by anyone who is able to read.

Sunday, 5th April 2020

8:34 AM

Fucking Coronavirus - people have gone nuts.

Woolworths and Coles are apparently going to start limiting the number of customers allowed in their stores at any given time, with police and security guards hanging around outside to manage the line of people waiting just to go inside on a 'one-out, one-in' basis

The common cold is a virus that kills people every year; the standard flu is a virus too and that kills THOUSANDS every year..

Ten thousand people doubtless die every single day of simple old age or natural causes.

And now this thing kills a few more than usual and everyone start scurrying like cockroaches in sudden light while I need the library to open because I need a power-point to plug my laptop in and work on the site!

Fuck the dead people - hope the weak cunts are happy with the inconvenience they've caused!

On the upside, my Audible badge collection is coming along nicely.

Saturday, 4th April 2020

10:20 AM

Another night alone on a blow-up mattress, molesting myself in the dark.

This has to stop you know: I'm too high functioning to be still having to tolerate blurred mental imaginings in place of reality.

Friday, 3rd April 2020

4:06 PM

Okay so given Drambuie is $70/ bottle and tastes nice enough to make it easy to drink more than I really should, I've opted today to just buy whatever is on special plus a bottle of honey to mix into it ...

Google tells me a small amount of warm water is required to liquefy the honey before adding it to the spirit so I'll do that and I'm grateful to have google there - saved me just adding the honey straight,.then wondering why the 40% alcohol isn't dissolving it.

I feel too here I should stipulate that by "drinking more than I should" I don't mean at all that I drink it quickly - far from it: I swish it around like mouthwash and drink so slowly I never even find myself discernably pissed by bedtime - in fact, I'm only ever just beginning to feel a bit warm in the cheeks by the time I switch off the lights and go to sleep.

Not once in the past few weeks of drinking most nights have I been actually pissed - not once.

I mean it tastes good enough so even just sipping the shit slowly you suddenly find the bottle isn't as full as you'd think it should be.

1:32 PM

Down to only my phone again because I just don't feel like pacing around the carpark for an hour waiting for the laptop to charge today: I've done that every day for a week and can't be fucked.

I want a hamburger.

A 'Biff buggahhh'.

Of course I can still rewrite text and well, technically I can still do everything I'd be able to do with the laptop and Dreamweaver but most things are too much a pain in the arse on such a small screen.

Mostly it's the mouse and large screen that's required really: selecting vast sections of code to cut/paste in other files is too awkward with a finger on a 5" touch-screen.

12:16 AM

That's right - while I'm still arseing around with the site's creation I'll use this space here for the April post.

I'm thinking though, that photos will be more of a pain in the arse to insert into posts since everything's manually written at the moment, but that might not be such a pad thing since it'll stop be sticking every random, pointless pic I have as a space-filler.

I'm still on limited laptop battery actually, so I won't fuck around updating now - I can do that on my phone anytime: suffice to say I'm waiting to be evicted, have effectively no job anymore since that bitch gave my site to some other bitch and I'm not inclined to ask a fuckin' cow like that for hours anywhere so I've still gotta find another job, but jobs at the moment aren't half as present as they were before half the shops and cafes in town closed because of this stupid godamn virus everyone's so freaking about.

Whatever anyway I've got two other pages I want to majorly alter before this device goes flat.